Personal - Swimming Theme #26

Hi Blog,

From 2023 to 2025, I worked on this theme but delayed posting because I kept revisiting my emotions, trying to understand why I feel this way and to be honest about my triggers. (If anyone bothers to read this, I want to be transparent.) I often feel envious of people with great physiques, good looks, and wealth. I realise this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s something many people experience. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself with a different question: “What happens when the glamour is stripped away?” instead of dwelling on “Why can’t I have what they have?”

When we watch videos/social media posts like these, we often see the highlights: the physiques, the attention, the admiration, the comments, the applause. What we rarely see is what happens when the cameras are off. Some people in those media are probably very confident and fulfilled. Some are probably not. Some may have built strong character, businesses, friendships, and meaningful lives alongside their physiques. Others may have poured so much of themselves into maintaining an image that they struggle when that image changes. The physique itself doesn't tell us which group they belong to.

A person's value is tested not when circumstances are favourable, but when the supporting conditions disappear. "Who remains when the advantage is gone?" That question applies equally to all of us. The interesting thing is that confidence built on an external advantage is always vulnerable to losing that advantage. The beautiful person eventually ages. The rich person may lose wealth. The respected manager may retire. The gifted athlete may suffer injury. The intelligent person may experience cognitive decline. If a person's identity becomes fused with the advantage, then the loss can be devastating. I've seen stories of retired athletes falling into depression, former celebrities struggling after fame fades, and even highly successful professionals feeling lost after retirement. The problem wasn't that they had those gifts. The problem was that they had unknowingly built their entire identity upon them.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Hiking - Finding The Rock Garden

Good morning, Blog,

It's Sunday! Unlike the previous weekends, which were either stormy or busy, today I want to visit a place to properly register the route. If you missed my visit to Rock Garden (2025), you can check it out.

It's perfect weather for hiking because it won't rain; the ground will remain dry, and the place will be bright.

I plan to visit Rock Gardens to familiarise myself with the route so I can revisit it in the future. I hope I can find my way in.

Personal - Spiderman The Whole Day

Hi Blog,

On the first day of August, I decided to try something crazy by agreeing to cosplay as Spiderman for PFACSG to help the Bone Marrow Donor Programme at Anchorvale Village, and to try out my newly purchased suit, which I couldn't zip up. You may read more in this post - Spiderman Costume from Unibuyplus (Feb 2026)

My last birthday treat was with LC, my secondary school classmate, and I shared with her all of my cosplay, work-related, and relationship updates before I went on my program, which lasted the entire day. Thanks for the treat!

Speaking of the program - I will be volunteering at noon as Spiderman, then travelling down to Shaw Lido to watch the new movie "Spiderman: Brand New Day" with a group of Spideys. What a day!

Blog - 47th Birthday The Man I Didn't Become

Hi Blog,

Happy Birthday to me! I came across one of my blog posts that I usually write during my birth month, reflecting on my own growth. If you missed those, here are a few: 46th Birthday Reflection (2025), A Reflection on Life, Love, and Self-Worth (2024), My 42nd Birthday (2021), My 41st Birthday (2020), Happy Birthday to me (2019), Happy Birthday 2018 (2018), Happy Birthday to Me (2017) and Jia You, Jeff (2017). This post is quite mundane; it serves as a personal reflection and is not intended for those who don't care to read. You may exit.

I create a self-portrait by starting with a point, then using one continuous line, and finishing with another point. This artwork symbolises the idea that a journey includes not just individual points or line segments, but the entire experience as a whole. I don't try to erase mistakes; instead, I've learned to accept that the line may wobble, overlap, and sometimes stray off course. Despite this, I continue moving forward until it ultimately represents me.

There were many "points" in my drawing. The point where I struggled with my appearance, the point where I questioned my worthiness, the point where I felt judged, the point where I believed society only rewarded good-looking people, the point where I started cosplaying, and the point where I tried to stand up again. If someone looked at any one of those isolation points, they might misunderstand the whole story. But when connected, they form a line that tells the story of my journey toward seeing things differently. This line isn't straight; it curves, loops, and sometimes overlaps itself. At times, it seems uncertain. And that's exactly how growth feels. Years later, we look back and realise, "No... I was actually drawing the picture."

Personal - Swimming Theme #25

Hi Blog,

A heartfelt post that I think I will want to share with you... Now I am going to do a closure. Sometimes I like to imagine an impossible question. What if I had an entire swimming pool to myself? No spectators. No friends. No strangers. No judgement. No compliments. No comparisons. No expectations. Just me and the water.

Which swimming trunk would I choose? After thinking about it for not that long, I would still choose the white one. A Realisation that "Perhaps authenticity is choosing the same path, whether someone is watching or not." That answer taught me more about myself than I expected. For years, I thought the white trunk represented confidence. Then I thought it represented courage. Later, I believed it represented self-expression. Today, I think it represents something even simpler. It represents honesty.

If nobody were watching, I wouldn't choose white to impress anyone. I wouldn't wear it hoping someone would think I looked attractive. I wouldn't wear it to attract attention or to prove that I was different. I would wear it because, after all these years, it simply feels like me.

Because somewhere along this journey, without even noticing, the white trunk stopped being something I used to fight my insecurities. It became something that quietly accompanied my healing. For more than twenty years, I've carried countless doubts into the swimming pool. Am I good enough? Am I drawing unnecessary attention? Are people judging me? Should I just wear black like everyone else? Those questions didn't disappear overnight. The difference is that they no longer make my decisions for me.

Trip - Tiny Away Escape @ Lazarus

Hi Blog,

Today, I took leave to visit Lazarus Island. It seems I really love that place, don’t I? Yes, I have even thought about going to the island once a month, but I don’t want to get too accustomed to it and lose its magic.

Perfect weather for an island visit!

Today's post is special because I want to share my visit to an island feature: Tiny Away, or Tiny House @ Lazarus, which will soon be closing down. I wanted to experience it before it disappears, so let me show you how I spent my time there. Any new reader should take note. My experience at Tiny Away Escape is only a small part of my entire post. It may not provide useful information for everyone. Here, I share my stay at Tiny Away Escape.

If you missed my previous trips to Lazarus Island, you can check them out here. Oh my, I am a Lazarus regular. Lazarus Island and Kusu Island (2017) and again (2017), Solo trip (2017), Drone on the Island (2018), Disappointed Trip (2019), Chao Ta Day (2020), Me-Time (2020), Leading a Group (2020), Beach boy (2021), Visiting the island (2021), Explored the Unexplored (2021), Rainy Island (2021), Best Suntan (2022), Monday Orange (2022), Leading a Hike (2022), Sunny Island (2022), Mr Sun's Island (2023), Lesser Sun (2023), No Water (2023), Access while Low Tide (2023), New Tent (2024), Free Trip (2025), Quiet Battle Within (2025), A Day at Lazarus (2025), Weekend Suntan (2026), Eyesore Tanning (2026), Good Friday Lazarus (2026)

Personal - Suits for the Theme #123

Hi Blog,

Recently, someone told me that if I want to change my health, I should stop talking and start taking action. He said it is all about prioritising, and that even a low-cost gym is enough — so I have no excuse.

I understand where he is coming from, but honestly, I felt misunderstood.

My life is quite full. Between work, helping my family, volunteering, and trying to have some time for myself, I do try to stay active when I can — jogging, swimming, hiking. It may not look consistent, but it is not zero effort.

Blog - June Overview

Hi Blog,

Recently, I came across a story about someone who felt insecure about her looks. She believed that changing her appearance would finally make her feel accepted — maybe even loved. As I read through it, I realised… it didn’t feel unfamiliar. In some ways, it echoed thoughts I once carried within myself.

What if the problem was never how we looked… but how we learned to value ourselves? And it is something I always remind myself.

There was a line of thought that stayed with me — even if we could change our appearance, would it ever be enough? There will always be someone prettier, someone more charming, someone who seems to have what we don’t. And if we keep chasing that, the finish line will only keep moving further away.

Personal - Swimming Theme #24

Hi Blog,

Looking back, I realised something that took me many years to understand. Despite what others might think, I never wore a white trunk because I wanted attention. In fact, attention often makes me uncomfortable. If I truly wanted attention, there are many other things I could have done. I could have acted louder, dressed differently, or constantly tried to make people notice me. But that was never my intention.

What I wanted was much simpler. I wanted to feel comfortable being myself.

For a long time, I felt there was an unspoken expectation to blend in. Wear what everyone wears. Think what everyone thinks. Follow the crowd and avoid standing out. The white trunk became a small way of telling myself that it was okay to like what I like, even if it wasn't the popular choice.

Blog - May Overview

Hi Blog,

As I grew older, those quiet thoughts didn’t disappear. They simply became softer, more hidden — showing up in small moments. A glance at someone more confident, a passing comparison, or even just the feeling of being unnoticed in a crowd. I told myself I had accepted things, but deep down, something still lingered.

Sometimes, it’s not loud insecurities that stay with us… but the quiet ones we learn to live with.

I began to realise that it wasn’t just about how I looked, but how I believed others would see me. That belief slowly shaped how I carried myself — more reserved, more careful, sometimes holding back before even trying. Not because I couldn’t, but because a part of me had already decided where I stood.

Personal - Swimming Theme #23

Hi Blog,

After all these years, I realised something important — I didn’t “win” anything by wearing a white trunk. I didn’t suddenly become confident, handsome, or fearless. But what I did gain was a quiet strength that stayed with me.

It wasn’t loud or dramatic.
It didn’t change me overnight.
It wasn’t even something people could see.

But every time I wore it, especially when I faced judgment or strange looks, I discovered a small part of myself that refused to give up. A part that whispered, “It’s okay. Just be yourself.”

Personal - Suits for the Theme #122

Hi Blog,

There are days when I feel quietly exhausted—not from doing too little, but from living in a world that constantly asks me to show what I’ve done.

As if effort only counts when it becomes visible. As if growth must be proven. As if trying is meaningless unless it leaves a mark others can recognise. And somewhere along the way, I started questioning myself. If no one sees it… does it mean I didn’t try hard enough?

But when I sit with that thought a little longer, something inside me gently resists it. Because some of the most meaningful things I’ve ever done in life were never seen. They existed in quiet moments—in showing up, in helping, in holding on, in not giving up.

Personal - Good Friday Lazarus

Hi Blog,

It's Good Friday today, a holiday! Yippee! What should I do today? Some time ago, my friend J accompanied me on camping trips to Pulau Hantu and several hiking excursions. Subsequently, he had to attend to certain family matters. Once matters had settled, he wanted a break and requested that I accompany him on a visit to an island.

The weather today appeared to be quite favourable.

But but... I don't like the idea of visiting Lazarus, especially on public holidays... But that is the only day when he can take a break from his part-time work and feel that his mother is able to take care of herself. I think from my past Lazarus visits, I had never tried to visit on public holidays. I will take this opportunity to show you why.

If you missed my previous trips to Lazarus Island, you can check them out here. Oh my, I am a Lazarus regular. Lazarus Island and Kusu Island (2017) and again (2017), Solo trip (2017), Drone on the Island (2018), Disappointed Trip (2019), Chao Ta Day (2020), Me-Time (2020), Leading a Group (2020), Beach boy (2021), Visiting the island (2021), Explored the Unexplored (2021), Rainy Island (2021), Best Suntan (2022), Monday Orange (2022), Leading a Hike (2022), Sunny Island (2022), Mr Sun's Island (2023), Lesser Sun (2023), No Water (2023), Access while Low Tide (2023), New Tent (2024), Free Trip (2025), Quiet Battle Within (2025), A Day at Lazarus (2025), Weekend Suntan (2026), Eyesore Tanning (2026)

Blog - April Overview

Hi Blog,

There was a time when I looked into the mirror, not to see myself, but to measure what I lacked. Height, appearance, presence — somehow, I always felt I fell short. It wasn’t something people said all the time directly, but it was there… in the silence, in comparisons, in the way attention seemed to flow more easily to others.

Maybe it wasn’t the mirror that was harsh… but the way I learned to look at myself.

Growing up, it felt like there was an invisible standard everyone had to meet. The media, the people around me, even casual conversations — they all quietly shaped this idea of what it meant to be “good-looking enough.” And without realising it, I started to believe that being seen, liked, or even loved… had something to do with how I wished to meet that standard.

Personal - Swimming Theme #22

Hi Blog,

Another thing that ties into all these feelings — I’m always afraid of being misunderstood. Whether it’s my white trunk, my quiet nature, or just how I carry myself, I worry people will read the wrong intentions.

I don’t want to attract the wrong attention. I don’t want people to think I’m showing off. I don’t want to be seen as someone I’m not.

That fear makes me shrink sometimes. It makes me avoid situations where people might judge how I look, what I wear, or how I move. I know it’s not fair to myself, but I’m still learning to balance it. To remind myself that misunderstandings happen, and they don’t define me.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #121

Hi Blog,

I started thinking about something I often experience in small, everyday moments — assumptions. Sometimes it comes from what I wear, sometimes from how I present myself. It made me wonder, why do people form impressions so quickly, even when they barely know the person in front of them?

Maybe assumptions are not always about others — but how we make sense of the world.

As I reflected on it, I realised that making assumptions is actually something very human. We tend to categorise people quickly — not because we want to hurt others, but because it helps us process information faster. It’s like our mind is constantly trying to organise the world into simple boxes: this type, that type, safe, unfamiliar.

Culture plays a part too. Growing up, we are surrounded by unspoken rules — what is considered “normal,” what is “acceptable,” and what feels out of place. Over time, these ideas become deeply rooted. So when we see something different, even something as simple as clothing, it can trigger a reaction. Not always a bad intention, but sometimes a lack of understanding.

Trip - Short Getaway to Korea

Hi Blog,

As you know, travelling with a group of friends is one of my wishes, and that also includes travelling with colleagues. Why so? Because, personally, I think being able to travel together is an art; it shows a willingness to bond and to get to know one another.

But sometimes, it has an issue. Is there anyone who wants to do so, especially with me? Haha. When it happens, it is a blessing for me.

But there is a risk when travelling together; it can break the relationship or leave scars during or after the trip. Personally, I take every moment of travelling to get to know a person and determine whether that person is a good travel partner.

Anyway, I will be going to spend four days on a four-day getaway in Korea with my colleagues! I won't divide my four-day trip into four posts and will keep it all in one. By the way, in case you might have missed my previous trips to Korea, if you are keen, you may click on My First Korea Trip (2024) & Korea Trip with my Mother (2025)

Blog - March Overview

Dear Chat,

There was a season in my life where affirmation felt necessary. I realised I often longed to be seen, acknowledged, and told that I was doing well. At the same time, I also told myself I shouldn’t need it — that I should be strong enough to validate myself. Through these reflections, I began to see that this wasn’t a weakness, but a pattern shaped by my past.

What I discovered: Affirmation is not the problem. Dependence on it is.

I learned that it is human to appreciate encouragement. But I also learned that my worth cannot fluctuate based on whether someone notices me. I can affirm myself. I can recognise my own effort. I can quietly acknowledge my own growth.