Personal - Spiderman The Whole Day

Hi Blog,

On the first day of August, I decided to try something crazy by agreeing to cosplay as Spiderman for PFACSG to help the Bone Marrow Donor Programme at Anchorvale Village, and to try out my newly purchased suit, which I couldn't zip up. You may read more in this post - Spiderman Costume from Unibuyplus (Feb 2026)

My last birthday treat was with LC, my secondary school classmate, and I shared with her all of my cosplay, work-related, and relationship updates before I went on my program, which lasted the entire day. Thanks for the treat!

Speaking of the program - I will be volunteering at noon as Spiderman, then travelling down to Shaw Lido to watch the new movie "Spiderman: Brand New Day" with a group of Spideys. What a day!

(Credit Bis) With the help of other cosplayers, I finally managed to suit up in this! How do I look? Don't know why... I have an unsatisfied feeling. Maybe it is because this suit size is too long? I don't know...

(Credit minder C) Anyway, no time for my thoughts to sink in; it was our team to move out!

(Credit minder C) Trying to pose, but somehow... I don't feel it...

(Credit minder C) While walking towards the carnival, I needed to hold our minder, Bis's hand, because of my limited vision, which gets worse when the place is darker.

(Credit minder C) While the other cosplayers were busy checking themselves in the mirror, I couldn't see well. However, my spider sense can detect if someone is trying to snap a picture.

(Credit Minder Bis) Let's begin our roles here.

(Click minder Bis) Trying to lift my spirits up, however, bad memories were triggered... The gym memories returned...

(Credit Minder C) Honestly, I felt useless here because I could not tell who was behind/in front of me. I needed to be instructed what to do next. I got love handles being squeezed out and was unable to feel the breeze, as the suit was rubbery, unlike spandex fabric. It was so warm inside, and the mask stuck on my face – warm, blurry, no ventilation, and unable to mask out... I couldn't...

(Credit minder C) After an hour or so, I requested a break for myself to sort things out, so we went back together to take a break because it was a three-hour-long session.

(Credit minder C) After taking a break, we returned to our post with additional cosplayers. I attempted to remain focused, but I had to leave 30 minutes early due to difficulty managing myself...

I know that I will continue my next program as a Spidey again, so I decided to remove my smelly and wet two-piece wear, then changed into my trisuit. (my initial idea)

Hmm, my inner wear somehow got stained by the Spidey suit. I guess it reminded me why I don't go for a tight top and bottom for jogging, because the bottom tights band is rather too tight, which squeezes my fat.

I tried to put on my favourite Spidey suit—the Insomniac PS4 Spiderman costume which I got in 2019—and that will be my suit for watching the movie later because I had never thought of watching Spiderman movies in a Spidey suit. And I was wearing a trisuit that didn't squeeze my fat, so I looked alright in it even though, I still look like a shxttyman.

(Credit Is) Anyway, the 2nd batch of cosplayers showed up, and they didn't judge me and kept their smiles. They aren't bothered by how they look; they just enjoy cosplaying. I try to remind myself who I should look out for.

Based on my post about this insomnia Spidey suit, the neck part of the suit bothers me, but today it seemed fine.... Or maybe it's because I feel much better in it than in my rubbery Spidey suit. D and I just wore our Spidey suits and took D's car to the movies. Funny that, there were drivers who kept checking our car because of our Spidey attire.

(credit a spidey's friend) D and I managed to get to the theater in time. Since we had already suited up, we just put on our masks and were ready for the gathering. I could not recognise or see any Spidey, so I simply followed along.

(credit a spidey's friend) Here we are! My wishlist has come true: to be able to dress up as Spiderman and snap photos together. Even though my idea of many, many Spidermans is a bit too far-fetched, it's good enough.

(credit a spidey's friend) Too many people were trying to take photos of us and with us, and I didn't know where to look or whom to focus on. Luckily, I managed to look at the camera, which would correctly share the photos with us.

(credit a spidey's friend) Honestly, wearing a mask in a big, noisy environment made it barely possible to hear anyone giving instructions or understand the plan. Since it was chaotic with moviegoers taking non-stop photos, I just asked one of Spidey's friends to snap a group photo without any people. Yippee! Success!

(credit a spidey's friend) Too bad we didn’t have a big Spiderman poster to pose with, so we just went with random stuff. At least, it made me forget my afternoon disappointment momentarily.

(credit a spidey's friend) Looking at myself, what a fat spidey I am... However, I didn't think of it during that time... because I only felt inadequate as I didn't know anyone here besides D, T, and J. I simply followed them, joining in the fun.

(credit a spidey's friend) Here, everyone will have their hero moment—just look how awesome they are! Everyone has put in effort to be in their own Spiderman verse, unlike me, who is just in Spiderman with the white spider logo. But I am thankful that they included me as part of the hero moment.

(Credit spidey's friend) Honestly, I didn't know what they wanted to do; it seemed like they wanted to freeze in the moment, but I got instructions to watch the TV screen together... What an uncooperative Spidey I am. But it was fun.

(Credit spidey's friend) Time for movie session!

(Credit spidey's friend) Let's have one last before everyone dressed down.

The Spiderman 'Brand New Day' started, and I spammed the snap button and got a perfect moment of Spiderman and Tom Holland in the frame.

I didn't dress down because one of my wishes was to watch the Spiderman movie in a Spiderman costume, and I finally got to do it!

At the end of the movie, I stayed in my Spiderman costume and took public transport home. Honestly, I thought I would get some nasty looks, but many people just smiled. Thanks for making me feel good.

When I was home, I noticed the mask started to crack and might not last long...

Honestly... The feeling of lousiness still remains... Looking at this suit... I can't silence the inner hateful voice... It has been a while... I thought I had resolved it, but it still stays. Since this suit is loose, long, unbreathable, and blind, I doubt I will wear it again.

So I wrapped it up and sold it on Carousell cheaply... Not long, someone messaged me and I sold the suit away...

Honestly... I felt a bit regretful, but I need to clear my mind to understand myself.

I told myself that I should not go to extremes to sell all my Spidey suits, so I spent some time reflecting on my triggers and reflecting on myself again, and got ChatGPT to sort out my long-winded thoughts below.

Reflection – The Hero I Was Looking For Looking back, I realised the biggest battle I fought that day was never with a Spider-Man costume. It was with myself. When I first suited up for a bone marrow donor volunteer event, everything I feared about my appearance seemed to surface at once. The costume did not fit the way I had imagined. My body looked different from what I hoped, my glasses meant I could barely see behind the mask, and standing at a safe corner away from other cosplayers, my mind started comparing myself to those who looked slimmer, taller, and a more "hero-like" Spider-Man. In that moment, my mission slowly disappeared from sight. Instead of focusing on bringing smiles to others, I became consumed by how I looked in the mirror of my own mind. The painful truth was that my old insecurities had returned. They were the same voices I had heard many years ago at the gym and while scrolling through social media, where perfectly photographed cosplayers seemed to set the standard for what Spiderman "should" look like and were being worshipped. I wasn't comparing myself with ordinary people; I was comparing myself with those highly admired looks and high standards and expectations. At the end of the day, I sold the costume almost immediately. At first, I thought I was simply getting rid of something that did not suit me. Looking back now, I realise I was trying to escape the feelings attached to it. The costume was never the real problem. It had simply exposed a wound that had never fully healed. Oddly, when I wore another Spiderman suit that had been tailored to my body. Surprisingly, I felt much more comfortable. I was still the same person. I was still the same height. The only difference was that my mind was no longer fighting against what it saw. Watching Spiderman: Brand New Day reinforced this lesson. Peter Parker's greatest struggle was not simply fighting villains. It was choosing who he wanted to become despite the lost, darkness, fear and doubt within himself. Every one of us has that quieter battle. There is a part of us that constantly measures our worth by appearance, achievements or comparison. Yet there is another part that quietly reminds us of our values, our purpose and the good we can still do. Perhaps becoming a hero is not about eliminating our insecurities. Perhaps it is about recognising them without allowing them to decide our identity. Today, I still have moments when those old voices return. The difference is that I recognise them sooner these days. I try to ask, "What triggered this feeling?" That small question creates enough space for my wiser self to respond instead of my wounded self taking over. Instead of being allowed, my shadow consumed me totally. Then something happened that I never expected. After watching the movie with fellow Spiderman cosplayers, I didn't change back into my normal clothes. I simply took off my mask, slung my bag over my shoulder, and boarded the MRT while still wearing the Spiderman suit. People looked. Some smiled. Some pointed excitedly and whispered to their friends, "Look! SpiderMan!" For years, I had feared being noticed because I thought people would see my flaws. Yet that night, people really did notice, and ignore me; however, I felt peaceful and understood that I can't have everyone like me. I should focus on the positive ones, yet also accept that there are negative ones too and not get upset over it. No one was measuring whether my body looked perfect in the suit. No one knew the battles I had fought in my own mind just hours before. To them, I was simply Spiderman fan travelling home... Perhaps the greatest change wasn't that I had become more confident. Perhaps I had simply become less afraid of being seen. Looking back now, I realise people may forget whether my costume fitted perfectly. But a child might remember seeing Spiderman this afternoon or movie just now. A donor might remember that Spider-Man encouraged people to join the bone marrow registry. A friend might remember laughing together after the movie. And perhaps that is the lesson I will carry with me long after the costume is folded away: Anyone can wear the mask. But the real journey is learning to accept the person underneath it.

Jeff