Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Looking back, I realise that the costume wasn’t really the problem. Instead, it revealed something within me that I hadn’t fully addressed. I felt disappointed in myself for letting the experience affect me and somewhat regretful about selling the suit. Perhaps I wasn't trying to escape the costume itself—I was trying to escape my feelings about myself while wearing it. This experience left me with a lingering question I couldn't easily answer: How could something meant to be fun and meaningful turn into such a painful reminder of my own inadequacy? I didn’t have an answer yet, but maybe this was just the beginning of a deeper reflection on comparison, envy, identity, and the person I have been striving to become.

Jeff