Personal - Swimming Theme #25

Hi Blog,

A heartfelt post that I think I will want to share with you... Now I am going to do a closure. Sometimes I like to imagine an impossible question. What if I had an entire swimming pool to myself? No spectators. No friends. No strangers. No judgement. No compliments. No comparisons. No expectations. Just me and the water.

Which swimming trunk would I choose? After thinking about it for not that long, I would still choose the white one. A Realisation that "Perhaps authenticity is choosing the same path, whether someone is watching or not." That answer taught me more about myself than I expected. For years, I thought the white trunk represented confidence. Then I thought it represented courage. Later, I believed it represented self-expression. Today, I think it represents something even simpler. It represents honesty.

If nobody were watching, I wouldn't choose white to impress anyone. I wouldn't wear it hoping someone would think I looked attractive. I wouldn't wear it to attract attention or to prove that I was different. I would wear it because, after all these years, it simply feels like me.

Because somewhere along this journey, without even noticing, the white trunk stopped being something I used to fight my insecurities. It became something that quietly accompanied my healing. For more than twenty years, I've carried countless doubts into the swimming pool. Am I good enough? Am I drawing unnecessary attention? Are people judging me? Should I just wear black like everyone else? Those questions didn't disappear overnight. The difference is that they no longer make my decisions for me.

Growing older has also taught me something I wish my younger self had known. People are usually thinking far more about themselves than they are about us. The stranger who glanced at me probably forgot me a few minutes later. The friend who teased me has likely moved on with life. Even the people I admired so much probably have insecurities that nobody else can see. Perhaps we are all carrying invisible battles while believing everyone else has already won theirs. If that is true, then maybe I don't need to spend so much energy trying to become someone else. Maybe I can simply become more comfortable being myself.

This series began with a swimming trunk. It ends with a person. The white trunk never gave me confidence. It never made me handsome. It never turned me into the person I wished I could be. Instead, it quietly accompanied me while I slowly became someone I had forgotten to appreciate - Myself.

Whoever is still reading... If one day you find your own "white trunk"—whatever it may be—I hope you won't choose it because it makes you look better in other people's eyes. I hope you'll choose it because, when nobody is watching, it still feels like home. And perhaps... that is what freedom looks like.

Jeff