Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

That is a painful way to look at another human being—and an even more painful way to look at myself. Because once I start putting people into rankings or tiers, I also classify myself within them. In fact, I forget that attraction is personal, relationships are complicated, and two people can value completely different things in each other. Those possibilities sometimes feel so distant from my own experience that they seem more like stories or fairy tales than something that could happen to me. I also forget something much simpler: I am not actually competing against every man in the world. There is no universal scoreboard that determines who deserves love first. Yet I cannot pretend that the feeling disappears simply because I understand this intellectually. The comparison has become a habit, and habits take time to unlearn.

1st Oct 2026 - Today we decided to give XY a last send-off dinner before he takes his flight back to Brazil. I won't base the value of friendship on frequent catch-ups; I reminded XY not to forget the mission, as it will be the pillar of friendship. Without this 'pillar', friendship can change due to many factors.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Today I decided to share something about myself. My favourite attire is a hoodie, as I consider myself a hoodie person. I love this hoodie because of the print: Avatar: The Last Airbender fused with Captain Planet. Sadly, I can't wear a hoodie every day, so I don't have many.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 2) - I brought my mother to JB again for a staycation directly after work because she wanted to get something. While having dinner, I bumped into my school's teacher, Mrs J, who sat beside my table. What a small world.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Honestly, I was very disappointed and upset about this. The pool was closed for maintenance, so I couldn't swim. A woman who also wanted to swim mentioned that it had been under maintenance for the past three days. However, when I looked around, there were many graduate students gathering on the same floor near the pool. I wondered if the pool was closed to prevent them from partying there.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 2) - Okay, my sister and my mum decided to do some ladies' stuff and left me alone, so I went on my own shopping spree. However, I couldn't get a karaoke room to pass the time, so I decided to go on a swimming spree! I sneaked over to the apartment side for a swim! Yippee! People go for massages or self-care treatments; I just give myself a nice swimming pool, and that is my self-care!

4th Oct 2026 - Swimming Theme #27
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5th Oct 2026 - Looking back at my social media like Facebook, Instagram, and others... I kept my promises to withdraw from posting much there... Before I started my blog, my social media became my diary, where I naively thought I had my friends around to make a small celebration of my discovery or something I was happy about. Nope... I am just childish and naive, slowly posting less content, and even worse... I hesitate and am very selective. Just like this salted egg sun, covered by haze, turned the colour of the sun to present differently. Luckily, I have a space here to share with some loyal and supportive readers. Thank you, everyone.

6th Oct 2026 - Ah, I happened to find my forgotten trisuit. Honestly, I am not quite keen on the design, as it looks like a two-piece concept (different fabric sections). I prefer the 2xu design, which I already have and is no longer in production. Even though I have my preference, I will just embrace this trisuit and wear it until it wears out. Just like how I embrace this untoned me until the day I can't work out anymore.

7th Oct 2026 - Honestly, if you’ve noticed, I got myself a new trunk because my white trunk has disappeared—my entire bag was gone! So, I decided to purchase a new spare white trunk before it goes out of production, along with a couple of other new ones too. How do you feel about this golden trunk? Too Golden?... I guess I don’t have the body to carry it after all.

8th Oct 2026 - I wanted to go jogging, but somehow today's evening haze got quite bad, and I could not see the sun at all. So, I decided to unpack all my Shopee purchases and leave reviews for everything. Also, I am trying to reflect on things that have happened and just happened. I guess I will have to be mindful of what I share.

10th Oct 2026 - Trisuit Theme #126
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11th Oct 2026 - Lorong Terigu Revisit
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Maybe the first step is not convincing myself that I am exceptional. I don't need to become the tallest, richest, strongest, or most handsome man in the room. I think I simply need to stop treating someone else's advantages as proof of my own deficiency. There will always be someone with more than me in one area, just as there will always be something I possess that another person may not. Perhaps love was never supposed to be a race where the strongest candidate takes the prize. Perhaps it is two imperfect people noticing something in each other that cannot be measured on a scorecard. And if I really want someone to see me properly one day, perhaps I first need to stop seeing myself as someone who has already lost.

Jeff

Trip - Lorong Terigu Revisit

Hi Blog,

Honestly, the haze condition in Singapore was bad, at an unhealthy range. I wanted to go for a hike, which made me think twice... In fact, I wouldn't think twice; I would go for a hike because not many people would be hiking in such conditions!

Check up the condition. It was early morning, as if it was about to rain.

But where should I go for a hike? I want to visit Mandai Forest... However, there was a place I had thought of a long time ago, but I cannot recall it.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #126

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. Recently, I talked with someone about staying fit and improving my health. He reminded me that if I truly wanted to change, I needed to make time, put in the effort, and spend money on it. He also mentioned that affordable community gyms were available, so I had little reason not to start. After all, it was a matter of priorities. I understood his point, and perhaps there was some truth in what he said. However, I also felt misunderstood. My life is filled with work, family commitments, religious volunteering, and personal interests that give me a sense of purpose. I do try to stay active through jogging, swimming, hiking, and cycling whenever I can. Perhaps my efforts are not always consistent, and there is still room for improvement, but it does not mean I have stopped trying.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the quiet efforts we make still count when nobody sees them. There are parts of my life that exist quietly, without applause, recognition, or visible proof. I may not have the most disciplined routine, the fittest body, or the kind of results that others can easily admire. I may still struggle with self-doubt, compare myself with others, and question whether I am doing enough. Yet, beneath all these uncertainties, there is still a part of me that hopes to become a better person.

Perhaps I need to learn that taking care of myself does not have to become another competition, nor does every improvement need to be made to prove someone wrong. I can acknowledge my shortcomings without using them as reasons to condemn myself. I can continue improving without demanding perfection from myself every step of the way. I am learning to appreciate the quieter side of growth. The small efforts, the imperfect attempts, and the willingness to try again may not always produce immediate results, but they are still part of my journey. I may move more slowly than others, and I may stumble along the way, but I do not have to give up simply because my progress is not impressive to the outside world.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my understanding of love has been influenced by certain "numbers." There is a popular idea in dating known as the “6666” standard—six feet tall, six-pack abs, a six-figure income, and another physical measurement that I’ll leave unmentioned. Of course, I understand that not every woman has these expectations, and I don’t want to generalise or place blame on anyone. However, I cannot deny that seeing these standards repeatedly, especially on social media, has changed the way I perceive myself. At some point, I stopped viewing them as mere preferences and began to see them as a measurement of whether someone like me was worthy of being chosen.

Perhaps the more painful question is not, "Do I have the sixes?" but rather, "What happens to me when I really don't?"

I began looking at myself through comparison for a long time. If another man is taller, fitter, better-looking, wealthier, or simply more confident, it feels as though he has something I don't—and therefore, an advantage I can never overcome. Slowly, dating starts to resemble a ranking system. The people with more desirable qualities seem to have the upper hand, while someone ordinary like me begins to wonder what remains after everyone else has been chosen. I know this isn't a fair or complete picture of reality. I know some women value completely different things. Yet feelings and reality do not always follow what we intellectually know. When the same comparisons appear often enough, they can quietly become part of the way we look at ourselves.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

One day, every one of us will grow old. The youthful face we once admired will slowly change. Wrinkles will appear, hair will turn grey, our bodies will lose their strength, and eventually the mirror will reflect someone very different from the person we once knew.

If beauty is temporary... what remains when time takes it away?

As I thought about this, I realised something that I wish I had understood when I was younger. If my happiness depends on being good-looking, then time is my greatest enemy because it will eventually take that away. But if my happiness is rooted in the person I try to become—being kind, sincere, compassionate, with integrity—and in the lives I touch—then time cannot easily steal those things. In fact, they often become even more beautiful with age, just like plants as they grow.

Hiking - Labrador and Gillman Visit

Hi Blog,

Saturday again. I was supposed to attend a class, but I wanted some me-time. After what happened yesterday, I had a stronger urge to just lie down and doom-scroll; however, I gave myself a little push to go for a hike.

So where should I go today? In my mind, Labrador Nature Reserve stood out, so let's go there and also visit Gillman Forest again to find the spot I missed before. If you missed visiting Gillman Barracks Forest, you can check here. I would rather explore that forest sooner rather than later because it will be deforested for a future project.

Speaking of Labrador Nature Reserve, it is one of my favourite places for exploration. I've been feeling a strong urge to go there lately, so let's go together and see why. If you missed my previous post about Labrador Nature Reserve, you can check it out: Exploring Labrador Nature Park (2017), Night Exploration at Labrador Park (2019), Half Day Hike (2019), With my Childhood Friends (2020), Batu Berlayar AMTB Battery (2022) and again (2022), Finding Old Hideout Shelter (2023), and Revisiting Labrador Nature Park (2024)

Hiking - Gillman Barracks Forest

Hi Blog,

This month, I've been hurriedly working to document some forests that are at risk of being lost forever. Last week, I visited Maju Forest (you can check out my post about it), and next on my list is Gillman Barracks Forest. You can also read more about the news regarding these forests here.

I took a half-day leave to visit the nearby forest, and the weather today is looking great.

Why can't I go on the weekend? Why do I have to take a half-day leave? The forest has gained a lot of attention, and I’d like to visit in peace. Additionally, I am trying to clear my leave. Dongsaeng K also wants to explore the forest, so I will go with him.