Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

Hiking - Moss Finding

Hi Blog,

I thought I had a morning meeting today, but it was in the evening, so I have some free time. Where or what should I do with it? I plan to create a moss terracotta pot to share in a future post.

What a hazy day... Very discouraging...

I didn't want to stay indoors and do nothing, so I decided to go outside. I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike, but I’d like to learn. Instead, I thought about going for a short hike on a trail I haven't visited in a long time, hoping to find something interesting.

Trip - Lorong Terigu Revisit

Hi Blog,

Honestly, the haze condition in Singapore was bad, at an unhealthy range. I wanted to go for a hike, which made me think twice... In fact, I wouldn't think twice; I would go for a hike because not many people would be hiking in such conditions!

Check up the condition. It was early morning, as if it was about to rain.

But where should I go for a hike? I want to visit Mandai Forest... However, there was a place I had thought of a long time ago, but I cannot recall it.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #126

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. Recently, I talked with someone about staying fit and improving my health. He reminded me that if I truly wanted to change, I needed to make time, put in the effort, and spend money on it. He also mentioned that affordable community gyms were available, so I had little reason not to start. After all, it was a matter of priorities. I understood his point, and perhaps there was some truth in what he said. However, I also felt misunderstood. My life is filled with work, family commitments, religious volunteering, and personal interests that give me a sense of purpose. I do try to stay active through jogging, swimming, hiking, and cycling whenever I can. Perhaps my efforts are not always consistent, and there is still room for improvement, but it does not mean I have stopped trying.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the quiet efforts we make still count when nobody sees them. There are parts of my life that exist quietly, without applause, recognition, or visible proof. I may not have the most disciplined routine, the fittest body, or the kind of results that others can easily admire. I may still struggle with self-doubt, compare myself with others, and question whether I am doing enough. Yet, beneath all these uncertainties, there is still a part of me that hopes to become a better person.

Perhaps I need to learn that taking care of myself does not have to become another competition, nor does every improvement need to be made to prove someone wrong. I can acknowledge my shortcomings without using them as reasons to condemn myself. I can continue improving without demanding perfection from myself every step of the way. I am learning to appreciate the quieter side of growth. The small efforts, the imperfect attempts, and the willingness to try again may not always produce immediate results, but they are still part of my journey. I may move more slowly than others, and I may stumble along the way, but I do not have to give up simply because my progress is not impressive to the outside world.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my understanding of love has been influenced by certain "numbers." There is a popular idea in dating known as the “6666” standard—six feet tall, six-pack abs, a six-figure income, and another physical measurement that I’ll leave unmentioned. Of course, I understand that not every woman has these expectations, and I don’t want to generalise or place blame on anyone. However, I cannot deny that seeing these standards repeatedly, especially on social media, has changed the way I perceive myself. At some point, I stopped viewing them as mere preferences and began to see them as a measurement of whether someone like me was worthy of being chosen.

Perhaps the more painful question is not, "Do I have the sixes?" but rather, "What happens to me when I really don't?"

I began looking at myself through comparison for a long time. If another man is taller, fitter, better-looking, wealthier, or simply more confident, it feels as though he has something I don't—and therefore, an advantage I can never overcome. Slowly, dating starts to resemble a ranking system. The people with more desirable qualities seem to have the upper hand, while someone ordinary like me begins to wonder what remains after everyone else has been chosen. I know this isn't a fair or complete picture of reality. I know some women value completely different things. Yet feelings and reality do not always follow what we intellectually know. When the same comparisons appear often enough, they can quietly become part of the way we look at ourselves.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

One day, every one of us will grow old. The youthful face we once admired will slowly change. Wrinkles will appear, hair will turn grey, our bodies will lose their strength, and eventually the mirror will reflect someone very different from the person we once knew.

If beauty is temporary... what remains when time takes it away?

As I thought about this, I realised something that I wish I had understood when I was younger. If my happiness depends on being good-looking, then time is my greatest enemy because it will eventually take that away. But if my happiness is rooted in the person I try to become—being kind, sincere, compassionate, with integrity—and in the lives I touch—then time cannot easily steal those things. In fact, they often become even more beautiful with age, just like plants as they grow.

Hiking - Labrador and Gillman Visit

Hi Blog,

Saturday again. I was supposed to attend a class, but I wanted some me-time. After what happened yesterday, I had a stronger urge to just lie down and doom-scroll; however, I gave myself a little push to go for a hike.

So where should I go today? In my mind, Labrador Nature Reserve stood out, so let's go there and also visit Gillman Forest again to find the spot I missed before. If you missed visiting Gillman Barracks Forest, you can check here. I would rather explore that forest sooner rather than later because it will be deforested for a future project.

Speaking of Labrador Nature Reserve, it is one of my favourite places for exploration. I've been feeling a strong urge to go there lately, so let's go together and see why. If you missed my previous post about Labrador Nature Reserve, you can check it out: Exploring Labrador Nature Park (2017), Night Exploration at Labrador Park (2019), Half Day Hike (2019), With my Childhood Friends (2020), Batu Berlayar AMTB Battery (2022) and again (2022), Finding Old Hideout Shelter (2023), and Revisiting Labrador Nature Park (2024)

Hiking - Gillman Barracks Forest

Hi Blog,

This month, I've been hurriedly working to document some forests that are at risk of being lost forever. Last week, I visited Maju Forest (you can check out my post about it), and next on my list is Gillman Barracks Forest. You can also read more about the news regarding these forests here.

I took a half-day leave to visit the nearby forest, and the weather today is looking great.

Why can't I go on the weekend? Why do I have to take a half-day leave? The forest has gained a lot of attention, and I’d like to visit in peace. Additionally, I am trying to clear my leave. Dongsaeng K also wants to explore the forest, so I will go with him.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Hiking - Maju Forest Exploration

Hi Blog,

On my previous hike, I didn't realise I had gone to the wrong forest until I finished and compared photos with others online, discovering I had gone to Dover Forest instead of Maju Forest (last week's hike post).

It looked like today was a cloudy one.

The reason for visiting Maju Forest today is that the government plans to develop the forest for housing, which has concerned many Singaporeans. (news from CNA) Many of them will rally about it, and it will definitely expose the forest to many visitors before it disappears. I, for one, have visited it before (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike) and now it's better to visit today.

Hiking - Facepalm Wrong Forest

Hi Blog,

I am glad there is a public holiday, and I can go for a short hike. I wanted to explore Maju Forest (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike), which is set to be developed, angering many Singaporeans. (news)

Since there has been no rain these days, it is perfect for exploration!

I don't know why... I was thinking of exploring Maju Forest before it was gone, but somehow... I ended up going to the wrong forest... My Facepalm moment... (If you'd like to revisit my previous posts on the wrong forest I visited, you may check this out: 2022 - Dover Forest & Dover Forest Part 2, 2023 - Easter Dover Trees)

Hiking - Finding The Rock Garden

Good morning, Blog,

It's Sunday! Unlike the previous weekends, which were either stormy or busy, today I want to visit a place to properly register the route. If you missed my visit to Rock Garden (2025), you can check it out.

It's perfect weather for hiking because it won't rain; the ground will remain dry, and the place will be bright.

I plan to visit Rock Gardens to familiarise myself with the route so I can revisit it in the future. I hope I can find my way in.

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

As I reflected on all these thoughts, I realised something deeper. Perhaps my struggle was never truly about wanting to be handsome, taller, or more attractive. Those were simply the things I believed would bring me closer to something else — the feeling of being wanted, chosen, and desired.

Maybe we do not long for beauty itself. Maybe we long for what we think beauty can give us.

After spending much of my life single, I have often wondered if things would have been different had I looked better. Would I have received more attention? More opportunities? Would someone have looked at me differently? These thoughts still visit me from time to time. Not because I dislike who I am today, but because there remains a small part of me that wishes to know what it feels like to be desired by another person.

Yet as the years pass, I have also come to understand that attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through life. Good looks may capture attention, but they cannot guarantee kindness, loyalty, understanding, or companionship. Beauty may open a door, but it is character that decides whether someone stays. The older I grow, the more I appreciate thoughtful hearts, genuine souls, and people who make others feel safe to be themselves.

Hiking - Bukit Black

Hi Blog,

On Sunday morning, I was resting on my bed, reflecting on the movie I had watched yesterday. I had too many thoughts in my head, and I thought it would be better to spend the energy hiking than lying in bed reflecting.

Looking like a great morning for hiking!

I quickly got ready and wondered where I should explore this time. I decided on Bukit Brown since I needed to head to Planter Market after my hike, so it made sense to choose something simple and nearby.

It seems I have a fondness for Bukit Brown, as you can read about in more detail from my past visits shared here: Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit (2021), Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit II (2021), Find the Third Car (2021), Mount Pleasant Cemetery (2021), Two Red Hikes (2022), Failed Urbex (2022), Failed Urbex Restored (2022), Bummer Hike to Bukit Brown (2022), Rainy Brown (2022), 2023 First Hike (2023), 2025 First Hike (2025)

Personal - Suits for the Theme #123

Hi Blog,

Recently, someone told me that if I want to change my health, I should stop talking and start taking action. He said it is all about prioritising, and that even a low-cost gym is enough — so I have no excuse.

I understand where he is coming from, but honestly, I felt misunderstood.

My life is quite full. Between work, helping my family, volunteering, and trying to have some time for myself, I do try to stay active when I can — jogging, swimming, hiking. It may not look consistent, but it is not zero effort.

Blog - June Overview

Hi Blog,

Recently, I came across a story about someone who felt insecure about her looks. She believed that changing her appearance would finally make her feel accepted — maybe even loved. As I read through it, I realised… it didn’t feel unfamiliar. In some ways, it echoed thoughts I once carried within myself.

What if the problem was never how we looked… but how we learned to value ourselves? And it is something I always remind myself.

There was a line of thought that stayed with me — even if we could change our appearance, would it ever be enough? There will always be someone prettier, someone more charming, someone who seems to have what we don’t. And if we keep chasing that, the finish line will only keep moving further away.

Hiking - Lost in Woodcutter

Hi Blog,

On Sundays, I typically engage in cycling or hiking; if not, I have a class or meeting. However, I procrastinated, which made it take some time to motivate myself to go hiking.

Just looked at this perfect weather. I also think I mainly have to decide which area to explore.

Upon reviewing my previous blog posts regarding the trail I intended to revisit, it appears I have not returned since 2020. If you had missed out, you can click here: unexplored trek left (2020), unexplored trek right (2020) and medical cutter (2021)

Hiking - Kay Siang Bunker Revisit

Hi Blog,

Today, I decided to continue exploring Kay Siang Bunker as the weather was pleasant and finally completed the hike I had left unfinished on 1st Jun 2026. Looking back, my last visit to Kay Siang Bunker was in 2022, followed by an impromptu one in 2023.

Hmm... I think the rain has stopped. According to the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO), the coming months will bring warmer weather due to El Niño. Anyone interested can look it up and get ready for its effects.

While I can’t change the world’s temperature, I’ll focus on enjoying the present and hiking as often as I can. Let’s set off on a journey to Kay Siang Bunker—a perfect beginner spot for urban exploration.

Blog - May Overview

Hi Blog,

As I grew older, those quiet thoughts didn’t disappear. They simply became softer, more hidden — showing up in small moments. A glance at someone more confident, a passing comparison, or even just the feeling of being unnoticed in a crowd. I told myself I had accepted things, but deep down, something still lingered.

Sometimes, it’s not loud insecurities that stay with us… but the quiet ones we learn to live with.

I began to realise that it wasn’t just about how I looked, but how I believed others would see me. That belief slowly shaped how I carried myself — more reserved, more careful, sometimes holding back before even trying. Not because I couldn’t, but because a part of me had already decided where I stood.