Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

That is a painful way to look at another human being—and an even more painful way to look at myself. Because once I start putting people into rankings or tiers, I also classify myself within them. In fact, I forget that attraction is personal, relationships are complicated, and two people can value completely different things in each other. Those possibilities sometimes feel so distant from my own experience that they seem more like stories or fairy tales than something that could happen to me. I also forget something much simpler: I am not actually competing against every man in the world. There is no universal scoreboard that determines who deserves love first. Yet I cannot pretend that the feeling disappears simply because I understand this intellectually. The comparison has become a habit, and habits take time to unlearn.

1st Oct 2026 - Today we decided to give XY a last send-off dinner before he takes his flight back to Brazil. I won't base the value of friendship on frequent catch-ups; I reminded XY not to forget the mission, as it will be the pillar of friendship. Without this 'pillar', friendship can change due to many factors.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Today I decided to share something about myself. My favourite attire is a hoodie, as I consider myself a hoodie person. I love this hoodie because of the print: an Avatar: The Last Airbender fused with Captain Planet. Sadly, I can't wear a hoodie every day, so I don't have many.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 2) - I brought my mother to JB again for a staycation directly after work because she wanted to get something. While having dinner, I bumped into my school's teacher, Mrs J, who sat beside my table. What a small world.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Honestly, I was very disappointed and upset about this. The pool was closed for maintenance, so I couldn't swim. A woman who also wanted to swim mentioned that it had been under maintenance for the past three days. However, when I looked around, there were many graduate students gathering on the same floor near the pool. I wondered if the pool was closed to prevent them from partying there.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 2) - Okay, my sister and my mum decided to do some ladies' stuff and left me alone, so I went on my own shopping spree. However, I couldn't get a karaoke room to pass the time, so I decided to go on a swimming spree! I sneaked over to the apartment side for a swim! Yippee! People go for massages or self-care treatments; I just give myself a nice swimming pool, and that is my self-care!

4th Oct 2026 - Swimming Theme #27
(Click here to read more)

Maybe the first step is not convincing myself that I am exceptional. I don't need to become the tallest, richest, strongest, or most handsome man in the room. I think I simply need to stop treating someone else's advantages as proof of my own deficiency. There will always be someone with more than me in one area, just as there will always be something I possess that another person may not. Perhaps love was never supposed to be a race where the strongest candidate takes the prize. Perhaps it is two imperfect people noticing something in each other that cannot be measured on a scorecard. And if I really want someone to see me properly one day, perhaps I first need to stop seeing myself as someone who has already lost.

Jeff

Personal - Swimming Theme #27

Hi Blog,

Practical Muscle

I remember a friend once telling me, “Having muscle isn't necessarily a good thing. I don't really know anything practical like cycling, swimming, exploring, or anything else. Those muscles are mainly for looks, and I still have to maintain them. I would rather have just enough muscle to be healthy. I call that practical muscle.” At that time, I understood what he was trying to say. Perhaps he genuinely valued being healthy and functional more than simply looking muscular. Perhaps he was also being humble and did not want me to feel lousy about myself. But recently, I found myself thinking about his words again—and I realised my reaction was not really about muscles at all.

Maybe what bothered me wasn't the muscle. Maybe it was the advantage that I imagine comes with looking capable.

In the real world, appearance can sometimes influence our first impression of someone. A person with a well-sculpted body may walk into a new activity and already look like someone who knows what he is doing. Even if he is completely new and struggles badly, people might still think, “He's probably just learning.” They may be more patient, encouraging, or willing to give him another chance. Meanwhile, someone who looks completely ordinary like me might worry that the same mistake will be interpreted differently: “Maybe he just isn't good at it.” Of course, I cannot say this happens every time, and perhaps I am giving appearance too much power in my imagination. But I think this is where some of my insecurity comes from. I am not only comparing bodies; I am comparing how much forgiveness I imagine people receive while they are still learning.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my understanding of love has been influenced by certain "numbers." There is a popular idea in dating known as the “6666” standard—six feet tall, six-pack abs, a six-figure income, and another physical measurement that I’ll leave unmentioned. Of course, I understand that not every woman has these expectations, and I don’t want to generalise or place blame on anyone. However, I cannot deny that seeing these standards repeatedly, especially on social media, has changed the way I perceive myself. At some point, I stopped viewing them as mere preferences and began to see them as a measurement of whether someone like me was worthy of being chosen.

Perhaps the more painful question is not, "Do I have the sixes?" but rather, "What happens to me when I really don't?"

I began looking at myself through comparison for a long time. If another man is taller, fitter, better-looking, wealthier, or simply more confident, it feels as though he has something I don't—and therefore, an advantage I can never overcome. Slowly, dating starts to resemble a ranking system. The people with more desirable qualities seem to have the upper hand, while someone ordinary like me begins to wonder what remains after everyone else has been chosen. I know this isn't a fair or complete picture of reality. I know some women value completely different things. Yet feelings and reality do not always follow what we intellectually know. When the same comparisons appear often enough, they can quietly become part of the way we look at ourselves.

Personal - Swimming Theme #26

Hi Blog,

From 2023 to 2025, I worked on this theme but delayed posting because I kept revisiting my emotions, trying to understand why I feel this way and to be honest about my triggers. (If anyone bothers to read this, I want to be transparent.) I often feel envious of people with great physiques, good looks, and wealth. I realise this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s something many people experience. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself with a different question: “What happens when the glamour is stripped away?” instead of dwelling on “Why can’t I have what they have?”

When we watch videos/social media posts like these, we often see the highlights: the physiques, the attention, the admiration, the comments, the applause. What we rarely see is what happens when the cameras are off. Some people in those media are probably very confident and fulfilled. Some are probably not. Some may have built strong character, businesses, friendships, and meaningful lives alongside their physiques. Others may have poured so much of themselves into maintaining an image that they struggle when that image changes. The physique itself doesn't tell us which group they belong to.

A person's value is tested not when circumstances are favourable, but when the supporting conditions disappear. "Who remains when the advantage is gone?" That question applies equally to all of us. The interesting thing is that confidence built on an external advantage is always vulnerable to losing that advantage. The beautiful person eventually ages. The rich person may lose wealth. The respected manager may retire. The gifted athlete may suffer injury. The intelligent person may experience cognitive decline. If a person's identity becomes fused with the advantage, then the loss can be devastating. I've seen stories of retired athletes falling into depression, former celebrities struggling after fame fades, and even highly successful professionals feeling lost after retirement. The problem wasn't that they had those gifts. The problem was that they had unknowingly built their entire identity upon them.

Product - Marvel Infinity Stones Artefacts

Hi Blog,

When I was young, I read manga, not Marvel comics; however, in the nineties, when the arcade era was booming, one fighting game attracted me the most: Marvel Super Heroes! In the storyline, a main antagonist named Thanos plots to use the Infinity Gems to take over the universe.

For my birthday, I typically purchase a gift for myself, as the items I prefer tend to be either costly or impractical. Let me share what I got.

Based on the title, yeah! I became Thanos to collect all the Infinity Stones from the artefacts. In the past, I used to collect actual mineral rocks that were luminous under UV light and got my own Infinity Gauntlet! However, only the Disney theme parks carried these exclusive Marvel Infinity Saga Artefacts that had Infinity Stones. I managed to find a seller who wanted to sell his entire collection, so I decided to buy it all from him... To be honest, is it worth it? I shall share my reason, and you can conclude on your own.