Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

Personal - Halloween Preparation

Hi Blog,

(Drafting) For this upcoming Halloween Night, I decided to do something special and find a resolution for some of my costume issues. I started planning back in August. Firstly, my sister wanted to cosplay, but she also didn't want anyone to see her face, so I needed to convince her to choose a mask design.

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Hiking - Moss Finding

Hi Blog,

I thought I had a morning meeting today, but it was in the evening, so I have some free time. Where or what should I do with it? I plan to create a moss terracotta pot to share in a future post.

What a hazy day... Very discouraging...

I didn't want to stay indoors and do nothing, so I decided to go outside. I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike, but I’d like to learn. Instead, I thought about going for a short hike on a trail I haven't visited in a long time, hoping to find something interesting.

Trip - Lorong Terigu Revisit

Hi Blog,

Honestly, the haze condition in Singapore was bad, at an unhealthy range. I wanted to go for a hike, which made me think twice... In fact, I wouldn't think twice; I would go for a hike because not many people would be hiking in such conditions!

Check up the condition. It was early morning, as if it was about to rain.

But where should I go for a hike? I want to visit Mandai Forest... However, there was a place I had thought of a long time ago, but I cannot recall it.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #126

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. Recently, I talked with someone about staying fit and improving my health. He reminded me that if I truly wanted to change, I needed to make time, put in the effort, and spend money on it. He also mentioned that affordable community gyms were available, so I had little reason not to start. After all, it was a matter of priorities. I understood his point, and perhaps there was some truth in what he said. However, I also felt misunderstood. My life is filled with work, family commitments, religious volunteering, and personal interests that give me a sense of purpose. I do try to stay active through jogging, swimming, hiking, and cycling whenever I can. Perhaps my efforts are not always consistent, and there is still room for improvement, but it does not mean I have stopped trying.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the quiet efforts we make still count when nobody sees them. There are parts of my life that exist quietly, without applause, recognition, or visible proof. I may not have the most disciplined routine, the fittest body, or the kind of results that others can easily admire. I may still struggle with self-doubt, compare myself with others, and question whether I am doing enough. Yet, beneath all these uncertainties, there is still a part of me that hopes to become a better person.

Perhaps I need to learn that taking care of myself does not have to become another competition, nor does every improvement need to be made to prove someone wrong. I can acknowledge my shortcomings without using them as reasons to condemn myself. I can continue improving without demanding perfection from myself every step of the way. I am learning to appreciate the quieter side of growth. The small efforts, the imperfect attempts, and the willingness to try again may not always produce immediate results, but they are still part of my journey. I may move more slowly than others, and I may stumble along the way, but I do not have to give up simply because my progress is not impressive to the outside world.