Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

As I reflected on all these thoughts, I realised something deeper. Perhaps my struggle was never truly about wanting to be handsome, taller, or more attractive. Those were simply the things I believed would bring me closer to something else — the feeling of being wanted, chosen, and desired.

Maybe we do not long for beauty itself. Maybe we long for what we think beauty can give us.

After spending much of my life single, I have often wondered if things would have been different had I looked better. Would I have received more attention? More opportunities? Would someone have looked at me differently? These thoughts still visit me from time to time. Not because I dislike who I am today, but because there remains a small part of me that wishes to know what it feels like to be desired by another person.

Yet as the years pass, I have also come to understand that attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through life. Good looks may capture attention, but they cannot guarantee kindness, loyalty, understanding, or companionship. Beauty may open a door, but it is character that decides whether someone stays. The older I grow, the more I appreciate thoughtful hearts, genuine souls, and people who make others feel safe to be themselves.

Blog - 47th Birthday The Man I Didn't Become

Hi Blog,

Happy Birthday to me! I came across one of my blog posts that I usually write during my birth month, reflecting on my own growth. If you missed those, here are a few: 46th Birthday Reflection (2025), A Reflection on Life, Love, and Self-Worth (2024), My 42nd Birthday (2021), My 41st Birthday (2020), Happy Birthday to me (2019), Happy Birthday 2018 (2018), Happy Birthday to Me (2017) and Jia You, Jeff (2017). This post is quite mundane; it serves as a personal reflection and is not intended for those who don't care to read. You may exit.

I create a self-portrait by starting with a point, then using one continuous line, and finishing with another point. This artwork symbolises the idea that a journey includes not just individual points or line segments, but the entire experience as a whole. I don't try to erase mistakes; instead, I've learned to accept that the line may wobble, overlap, and sometimes stray off course. Despite this, I continue moving forward until it ultimately represents me.

There were many "points" in my drawing. The point where I struggled with my appearance, the point where I questioned my worthiness, the point where I felt judged, the point where I believed society only rewarded good-looking people, the point where I started cosplaying, and the point where I tried to stand up again. If someone looked at any one of those isolation points, they might misunderstand the whole story. But when connected, they form a line that tells the story of my journey toward seeing things differently. This line isn't straight; it curves, loops, and sometimes overlaps itself. At times, it seems uncertain. And that's exactly how growth feels. Years later, we look back and realise, "No... I was actually drawing the picture."

Personal - Swimming Theme #25

Hi Blog,

A heartfelt post that I think I will want to share with you... Now I am going to do a closure. Sometimes I like to imagine an impossible question. What if I had an entire swimming pool to myself? No spectators. No friends. No strangers. No judgement. No compliments. No comparisons. No expectations. Just me and the water.

Which swimming trunk would I choose? After thinking about it for not that long, I would still choose the white one. A Realisation that "Perhaps authenticity is choosing the same path, whether someone is watching or not." That answer taught me more about myself than I expected. For years, I thought the white trunk represented confidence. Then I thought it represented courage. Later, I believed it represented self-expression. Today, I think it represents something even simpler. It represents honesty.

If nobody were watching, I wouldn't choose white to impress anyone. I wouldn't wear it hoping someone would think I looked attractive. I wouldn't wear it to attract attention or to prove that I was different. I would wear it because, after all these years, it simply feels like me.

Because somewhere along this journey, without even noticing, the white trunk stopped being something I used to fight my insecurities. It became something that quietly accompanied my healing. For more than twenty years, I've carried countless doubts into the swimming pool. Am I good enough? Am I drawing unnecessary attention? Are people judging me? Should I just wear black like everyone else? Those questions didn't disappear overnight. The difference is that they no longer make my decisions for me.

Trip - Tiny Away Escape @ Lazarus

Hi Blog,

Today, I took leave to visit Lazarus Island. It seems I really love that place, don’t I? Yes, I have even thought about going to the island once a month, but I don’t want to get too accustomed to it and lose its magic.

Perfect weather for an island visit!

Today's post is special because I want to share my visit to an island feature: Tiny Away, or Tiny House @ Lazarus, which will soon be closing down. I wanted to experience it before it disappears, so let me show you how I spent my time there. Any new reader should take note. My experience at Tiny Away Escape is only a small part of my entire post. It may not provide useful information for everyone. Here, I share my stay at Tiny Away Escape.

If you missed my previous trips to Lazarus Island, you can check them out here. Oh my, I am a Lazarus regular. Lazarus Island and Kusu Island (2017) and again (2017), Solo trip (2017), Drone on the Island (2018), Disappointed Trip (2019), Chao Ta Day (2020), Me-Time (2020), Leading a Group (2020), Beach boy (2021), Visiting the island (2021), Explored the Unexplored (2021), Rainy Island (2021), Best Suntan (2022), Monday Orange (2022), Leading a Hike (2022), Sunny Island (2022), Mr Sun's Island (2023), Lesser Sun (2023), No Water (2023), Access while Low Tide (2023), New Tent (2024), Free Trip (2025), Quiet Battle Within (2025), A Day at Lazarus (2025), Weekend Suntan (2026), Eyesore Tanning (2026), Good Friday Lazarus (2026)

Hiking - Bukit Black

Hi Blog,

On Sunday morning, I was resting on my bed, reflecting on the movie I had watched yesterday. I had too many thoughts in my head, and I thought it would be better to spend the energy hiking than lying in bed reflecting.

Looking like a great morning for hiking!

I quickly got ready and wondered where I should explore this time. I decided on Bukit Brown since I needed to head to Planter Market after my hike, so it made sense to choose something simple and nearby.

It seems I have a fondness for Bukit Brown, as you can read about in more detail from my past visits shared here: Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit (2021), Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit II (2021), Find the Third Car (2021), Mount Pleasant Cemetery (2021), Two Red Hikes (2022), Failed Urbex (2022), Failed Urbex Restored (2022), Bummer Hike to Bukit Brown (2022), Rainy Brown (2022), 2023 First Hike (2023), 2025 First Hike (2025)