Dear Chat,
There was a season in my life where affirmation felt necessary. I realised I often longed to be seen, acknowledged, and told that I was doing well. At the same time, I also told myself I shouldn’t need it — that I should be strong enough to validate myself. Through these reflections, I began to see that this wasn’t a weakness, but a pattern shaped by my past.
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| What I discovered: Affirmation is not the problem. Dependence on it is. |
I learned that it is human to appreciate encouragement. But I also learned that my worth cannot fluctuate based on whether someone notices me. I can affirm myself. I can recognise my own effort. I can quietly acknowledge my own growth.
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| 1st Mar 2026 - One of my ex-students, YZ, wanted to meet me before he started his work life. Funny that, previously I was using an iPhone, and my photo backup notification reminded me of the days I backed up my 2010 photos... And his photo appeared. What a nostalgic moment! It was great to catch up and update one another on our past experiences. I hope we can still keep in contact. |
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| 2nd Mar 2026 - It’s been raining a lot, so no jogging or swimming for me… just feeling a bit meh. Might take a quick power nap before going out again... |
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| 3rd Mar 2026 - Raining... Cool weather is the best, but only if I can swim or jog for a while. :'( I understand the world doesn't revolve around me. I guess I will just adjust to this. I hope for less misfortune for others, though the news says otherwise. |
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| 5th Mar 2026 - I thought I could go for a swim today, but the moment I stepped out of school, Mr. Sun let angry Miss Cloud take over the sky. I know I’m not in the best shape, but I just want to get some kind of workout in somehow. |
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| 6th Mar 2026 - I was really looking forward to going for a swim this week without any surprises. However, when the lightning alert sounded, I had to clean up the tree artwork. At least I was able to check something off my to-do list. Goodbye, Tree. |
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| 8th Mar 2026 - Finally! It has arrived! I've been waiting for this for a year! Why? Well, M has a brother in the USA who is coming back soon, so I ordered these polo shirts from eBay to save 75% on delivery costs, but the only downside is the wait... I didn't realise I would have to wait a year... It's really testing my patience and trying not to appear pushy... Although I couldn’t get a few more shirts, I am still satisfied. |
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| 9th Mar 2026 (part 1) - Happy birthday to HD! I've known him since I moved to a new school in 2016, so it's been almost ten years. He will be turning 40 soon. His love life resembles mine, but he has continued to put himself out there and make an effort, which is quite different from my experience. I just hope he finds a good partner and settles down. |
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| 9th Mar 2026 (part 2) - Aww... Today was blessed with beautiful weather. I finally had the chance to swim after a week of rainy disruptions. While it didn't have a significant positive impact on my ugly bod, I definitely noticed some improvements in my mood. It even motivated HS to swim; he got more and more tanned because he swam for hours! Hahaha. At least today, I managed to take a photo that I loved, with the sun shining brightly. It captured just how much I missed the sun. |
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| 10th Mar 2026 - I came across a passionate plant hobbyist holding a live sale on Instagram from Thailand. I wished I could participate, but I felt stuck in Singapore and inexperienced. Nevertheless, I was thrilled to acquire some exotic and beautiful plants at a good price. I trusted this person to help me find a specific bromeliad that was vibrant and colourful, resembling flames. (Do you see what I see in that plant?) This particular variety is only available in Thailand, where many great collectors and nurseries are located. He visited a market and sent me a photo of the ideal colored bromeliad I was looking for, but unfortunately, he left the market before I could reply! I shouldn't be angry with him; I'm just disappointed in myself. It seems that I often encounter situations like this, where I'm so close to getting what I want, but it slips away. It's a harsh reminder that life doesn't always unfold as I expect. I plan to visit Thailand myself to find the bromeliad, or I hope that the local plant markets in Singapore will have it available. Either way, I'm excited about the hunt! |
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| 11th Mar 2026 - Yippee! I finally got a chance to go for a jog. However, I have to admit that today’s jog was a bit stressful and painful. Each step felt hard and uncomfortable, and I think it might be due to my shoes. I realise I need to invest in a proper pair of jogging shoes; otherwise, I’ll continue to suffer. |
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| 12th Mar 2026 - Honestly, as long as I am not in the spotlight, being told that I am great or anything like that, I feel more comfortable being myself. I know I am not perfect, but I am doing wel,l and I will keep it up. I may never reach the level of demigods, but I will never give up on working out. |
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| 14th Mar 2026 (part 1) - Today, I attended a day-long drone course at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, using my SkillFuture credit. I had trouble finding the classroom since there weren't many people around the school (it was Saturday). Thankfully, I bumped into another lost participant, and we were able to find our way to the class together. My main purpose for attending the course was to gain a better understanding of drones and try out different models. However, after the course, I felt that it was more like a product testing session focused on learning how to control the drone and understanding Singapore's regulations for drone use. In the end, I ended up buying a toy model, but it wasn't very impressive. Time to use back the drone which I had already got. |
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| 14th Mar 2026 (part 2) - After completing my drone course, I moved on to the next event: attending a chalet. While I was there, I unexpectedly encountered a civet cat! It was my first time seeing one up close! The cat didn’t notice me and cautiously walked along the drain. I was squatting beside the drain, snapping photos of it until it turned its head and jumped high, seemingly startled by my presence! Hahaha. I wanted to stay overnight, but I was so tired that I decided to head home instead, feeling quite bloated. |
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| 15th Mar 2026 - Today was my collection day. I travelled from Hougang to Marsiling, and then to Bukit Batok, using three buses and a train to gather all the items. Can you believe that I only paid $2.35 for the whole journey? Thanks to the transfer rate discount. I wasted my Sunday travelling, unable to hike or cycle... now it's time to help my sister until tonight. |
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| 18th Mar 2026 (part 1) - I heard from them that they don't have real friends, especially in a working environment. I can understand that feeling... Colleagues will contact you because of work, but they won't invite you out for a meal. I understand, even for myself, I rarely ask anyone out for dinner because of my busy schedule, but if time permits, I will make the effort. One thing I always do as a friend is reply to messages as soon as possible; it shows I am always here for anyone. |
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| 18th Mar 2026 (part 2) - Sometimes... I reflect on whether I am truly a good person. It seems I don't have much time for many people, which might suggest I am insincere and don't value anyone (those who got left out). I am not good-looking or fit enough to be excused and forgiven by others. I guess I should stop dwelling on my old thoughts. I know I am nothing, but I can't think I can be everything. So, I just be myself. |
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| 19th Mar 2026 (part 1) - Honestly, I have been feeling quite bloated lately, and my tummy has become rounder. It's not a great feeling. However, when I look at many famous people who are fit and admired, I notice that as they get older, they often become less in shape. Take celebrities from Singapore, Joseph S or Hollywood Tom H, for instance; they somehow gain a bit of weight. So, what can we expect from a salaryman like me? I’m not an actor or a model—I’m just a nerd who is weird, not good-looking and unusual, so being out of shape feels quite typical for me. I shouldn't even think about stopping my efforts to stay active because if I do, I know where that will lead me. |
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| 19th Mar 2026 (part 2) - I've gained a little weight, so that when I meet up with my friends for dinner, I don't make them feel uncomfortable about their own weight. Even though I might be slimmer than them, they have partners, while I'm still single. I shouldn’t feel bad about myself; instead, I should focus on maintaining my discipline. |
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| 20th Mar 2026 - Today, I was released early, so I decided to go to Tampines Safra to enjoy some sunbathing. The benches there are perfect for soaking up the sun. I wished I could stay longer, but I felt like I was being judged, so I decided to end my time there early. Fortunately, there were many swimmers around, which made it more comfortable. At least I managed to get a good tan and enjoyed a swim! |
Today, affirmation from others feels like a bonus — not a requirement. And even when no one claps, I will still continue walking.
Jeff
