Blog - 47th Birthday The Man I Didn't Become

Hi Blog,

Happy Birthday to me! I came across one of my blog posts that I usually write during my birth month, reflecting on my own growth. If you missed those, here are a few: 46th Birthday Reflection (2025), A Reflection on Life, Love, and Self-Worth (2024), My 42nd Birthday (2021), My 41st Birthday (2020), Happy Birthday to me (2019), Happy Birthday 2018 (2018), Happy Birthday to Me (2017) and Jia You, Jeff (2017). This post is quite mundane; it serves as a personal reflection and is not intended for those who don't care to read. You may exit.

I create a self-portrait by starting with a point, then using one continuous line, and finishing with another point. This artwork symbolises the idea that a journey includes not just individual points or line segments, but the entire experience as a whole. I don't try to erase mistakes; instead, I've learned to accept that the line may wobble, overlap, and sometimes stray off course. Despite this, I continue moving forward until it ultimately represents me.

There were many "points" in my drawing. The point where I struggled with my appearance, the point where I questioned my worthiness, the point where I felt judged, the point where I believed society only rewarded good-looking people, the point where I started cosplaying, and the point where I tried to stand up again. If someone looked at any one of those isolation points, they might misunderstand the whole story. But when connected, they form a line that tells the story of my journey toward seeing things differently. This line isn't straight; it curves, loops, and sometimes overlaps itself. At times, it seems uncertain. And that's exactly how growth feels. Years later, we look back and realise, "No... I was actually drawing the picture."

Blog - February Overview

Hi Blog,

Chinese New Year has always felt different from the Western New Year. It carries less urgency and more reflection — a pause to look at what has stayed, what has faded, and what quietly follows us into the next cycle of life.

I had to reflect on what I want to do in life.

Now, close to 50, I no longer wait for dramatic changes in my relationship status. Looking back at my 30s and where I am today, I can’t tell whether I truly outgrew that longing or whether I numbed myself for so long that it felt like growth. Perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that I’ve learned to accept it. Instead of letting these unfulfilled hopes become stones that slow me down or injure me, I choose to turn them into stepping stones — a way to cross the river towards the place I’m meant to reach.

Blog - January Overview

Hi Blog and 2025,

I have been writing my blog regularly, and it has become a part of my life, or at least a safe space where I can be accepted. I could stop using other social media platforms entirely because blogs are so different; unlike social media, which shows you whoever is popular or even people you do not care about in your feed, a blog only shows those who bother to visit the space where you have put in the effort.

My blog provides me with a source of light and a focus point for being myself.

Personally, I dislike the idea of scrolling through someone's social media posts and then using the "ignored" reaction. Perhaps I am just overly attached or thinking... Most importantly, I found a space for myself and people who care and do not judge.

Blog - New Fifth Banner

Hi Blog,

Here's a quick update for my blog and perhaps for my readers, if anyone cares. I felt inspired to create a new banner and let my creativity flow. Even though my drawing skills are a bit rusty, I genuinely enjoy drawing comics, even if I'm not particularly skilled at it.

I have a general idea of what my banner should look like.

I will draw another banner for a few more years, so for now, I will keep it as is and review my previous banners.

Blog - February Overview

Hi Blog,

I hate February! It has two days that make me feel miserable... Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day. I don't hate them just because I'm alone... I have many other reasons... but mostly because... I'm alone... 😆

I guess growing older means accepting myself more. I have to learn how to be kind to myself and appreciate who I am.

I don't care if no one wants me. I'm going to make myself the most awesome single person ever. I'll enjoy my life to the max and do things that couples can only dream of. I may not have a lover, but I have the whole world to explore and appreciate. Mother Nature is my best friend and she loves me unconditionally.

Anyway, thanks to my exclusive readers for responding to my first blog acknowledgement exercise (thank you for all the kind words which you had left in the feedback form). I hope my readers will understand and let you know, you have a special space in my life. I also just wanted to take this chance to remove the ghosts. I will let my blog decide.

Blog - January Overview

Hi Blog,

Wow... 2022 was over. Time really flies! From my nuisance posts in the beginning where I was trying to find meaning of blogging until now I can't stop blogging. I guess it is the joy and journey of self-discovery.

Struck in the web of loop but definitely breaking away from it slowly.

Let's see what January had installed for me.

Blog - February Update

Hi Blog,

Chinese New Year marked the beginning of February, I will wish you a Happy New Year! Thanks for accompanying me on this blogging journey.

In the twisted world, at least, I know I have a space for myself.

I can't change the world how to look at me if they chose to view us through their own lenses... I am too tired of explaining myself... Anyway, I can't be bothered anymore.

Personal - Fighting with Inner Demons

Hi Blog,

Last year March, I gave myself a No Fap Challenge (link) for 30 days and even though I did not manage to complete it for 30 days, the overall feeling was great. You may check my initial post first to find out why I wanted to try it.

In this post, I decided to try again. Last time, I failed because supposed to be no fap, basically, no self-stimulation but I just kept edging myself. Hopefully, this time around I will not do that. Fingers cross. While taking up this challenge, I also bumped into this whole exercise called, "No Nut November" aka Nofap month; to show moral support to those people who have Erectile Dysfunction.

Let me share with you, my honest experience of what I had gone through, so please don't judge me and my imagination...

Blog - New Banner Part Three

Hi Blog,

Suddenly I had a strong inspiring feeling while working on drawing.

I started to draw and done! XD Quick one!

Perhaps due to some changes in me... I decided to make a new banner for myself.

Blog - February Update

Hi Blog,

February! CNY is coming! Am I looking forwards for CNY?!... Laughed bitterly. Anyway, Life still goes on. I am just looking forwards to going oversea! Meanwhile, let's hope for a better 2021 for everyone.

I decided to make some changes to my Monthly Update post, I will park all my workouts here together with my randomness; any longer post will be a standalone post on its own.

Product - Captain America Costume (Part 2)

Hi Blog,

Yes! it's Captain Nerd again, I am back. There are some new things and changes on my Captain America Costume that I had made since my previous post. Yes! I am not just nerd, I am also stupid of wasting money for nothing especially to this plain Asian looking, short, untoned person. Anyway, it will be my part two of my Captain Nerd costume update which I had gathered information since last year.

A drawing of Captain Nerd by Procreate

Don't worry about me. I know I need to have some self-knowledge - can't pull Captain America or Superhero well as others do. But I really like the superhero costume and want to be the best of myself and fulfil my unrealistic dream.

Blog - December Update

Hi Blog,

As we thought SG Covid situation will get better but nope, after two weeks of zero community spread, BOOM! Someone got it! Well, life still moves on. I will try to enjoy the last month of happening 2020.

Blog - November Update

Hi Blog,

OMG! Two months left to end 2020?! Time really flies but we had gone through such a "special" event of Covid and our life had turned to a new norm... I really missed our normal days before Covid.

Product - Captain American Costume

Hi Blog,

Something exciting had arrived today. (actually dated during May 2020 but due to Covid and I can't complete the post because it required something...

I guessed the title has leaked the excitement already! Hahaha

Let's get started!

Personal - NoFap Challenge

Hi Blog,

This one is a very personal post. I hesitated of whether I should make such a post or not. In this post, there won't have any pictures than text. It was about a challenge that I gave to myself - a NoFap Challenge for 30 days.

A general feeling when I was trying to pull myself through during these 30 days challenge

Blog - New Banner Part Two

Hi Blog,

I am 40 years old already. Fun Fact, this is my 1000th blog post! My healing journey to my inferior complex can't do without you, Blog. Looking back, it was a good memory and made some non-judgmental friends giving me encouragement and motivation, are golden.

I decided to do a quick drawing for my blog to mark a new milestone for myself and blog.

If you missed my First Banner blog post, you can click here.

Blog - Happy Birthday 2018

Hi Jeff,

This is blog, how are you being doing recently? :) Ever since I wrote a letter to you (in 2012), I decide to write a letter to you again.

Oh! Hi Blog. It is great to 'read' you again. :)

Personal - Happy Birthday Jeff

Hi Blog,

The time has stopped at this point 10:10 - meaning 100% that I have passed the wizard test!

Today is my BIRTHDAY! Today is quite happening for me. :) I got nearly 65+ birthday wishes on FB and many whatsapp messages too. Honestly, this year is kind of special to me which I see the growth in me, rather than feeling upset on my bday. (I learn to appreciate every moment of life, than complaining or feel miserable.) Let me share with you the joy and honor!

Personal - CNY Eve

Hi Blog,

Recently I didn't make a long post and engaged in jogging due to my chest injury, but I do update regularly in random post (link). In this post, I will update my CNY eve happening, hmmmm... PURE EATING AND FAT-GAINING!!!

As my iPad didn't die on me, this drawing for zodiac - Dog, my love for Corgi. Woof Woof!

Personal - My 2018 Resolution

Hi Blog,

Even since I set my 2017 resolution (post); I took baby-steps to achieve it, even though I felt happy that I feel 'better' of myself and slowly explore the real me. (2017 dec post) So I decide to make 2018 resolution.

It will be a personal lengthy boring post, you may skip it.