Personal - Swimming Theme #26

Hi Blog,

From 2023 to 2025, I worked on this theme but delayed posting because I kept revisiting my emotions, trying to understand why I feel this way and to be honest about my triggers. (If anyone bothers to read this, I want to be transparent.) I often feel envious of people with great physiques, good looks, and wealth. I realise this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s something many people experience. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself with a different question: “What happens when the glamour is stripped away?” instead of dwelling on “Why can’t I have what they have?”

When we watch videos/social media posts like these, we often see the highlights: the physiques, the attention, the admiration, the comments, the applause. What we rarely see is what happens when the cameras are off. Some people in those media are probably very confident and fulfilled. Some are probably not. Some may have built strong character, businesses, friendships, and meaningful lives alongside their physiques. Others may have poured so much of themselves into maintaining an image that they struggle when that image changes. The physique itself doesn't tell us which group they belong to.

A person's value is tested not when circumstances are favourable, but when the supporting conditions disappear. "Who remains when the advantage is gone?" That question applies equally to all of us. The interesting thing is that confidence built on an external advantage is always vulnerable to losing that advantage. The beautiful person eventually ages. The rich person may lose wealth. The respected manager may retire. The gifted athlete may suffer injury. The intelligent person may experience cognitive decline. If a person's identity becomes fused with the advantage, then the loss can be devastating. I've seen stories of retired athletes falling into depression, former celebrities struggling after fame fades, and even highly successful professionals feeling lost after retirement. The problem wasn't that they had those gifts. The problem was that they had unknowingly built their entire identity upon them.

Trip - Bintan - The Residence

Hi Blog,

In 2023, I took my first trip to Bintan with D, and we stayed at Nirwana Gardens. I want to visit all the beach resorts in Bintan (if only I were sponsored). Even though I spoiled one of my travel mates' experiences (typically) there due to my eyesoreness and shxttiness. However, I will either do it myself or have an accommodating travel mate if there is one. For my second stay in Bintan, based on Google Maps 'resort search', I want to target the more distant resort, which is The Residence, in the east of Bintan.

Good morning, Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. This time, I got the later ferry, so I won't be rushing.

Hope I won't disappoint anyone, including myself, on this trip after that wallet-bleeding incident... Let's go and explore together!

Hiking - Gillman Barracks Forest

Hi Blog,

This month, I've been hurriedly working to document some forests that are at risk of being lost forever. Last week, I visited Maju Forest (you can check out my post about it), and next on my list is Gillman Barracks Forest. You can also read more about the news regarding these forests here.

I took a half-day leave to visit the nearby forest, and the weather today is looking great.

Why can't I go on the weekend? Why do I have to take a half-day leave? The forest has gained a lot of attention, and I’d like to visit in peace. Additionally, I am trying to clear my leave. Dongsaeng K also wants to explore the forest, so I will go with him.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Personal - Spiderman The Whole Day

Hi Blog,

On the first day of August, I decided to try something crazy by agreeing to cosplay as Spiderman for PFACSG to help the Bone Marrow Donor Programme at Anchorvale Village, and to try out my newly purchased suit, which I couldn't zip up. You may read more in this post - Spiderman Costume from Unibuyplus (Feb 2026)

My last birthday treat was with LC, my secondary school classmate, and I shared with her all of my cosplay, work-related, and relationship updates before I went on my program, which lasted the entire day. Thanks for the treat!

Speaking of the program - I will be volunteering at noon as Spiderman, then travelling down to Shaw Lido to watch the new movie "Spiderman: Brand New Day" with a group of Spideys. What a day!

Blog - 47th Birthday The Man I Didn't Become

Hi Blog,

Happy Birthday to me! I came across one of my blog posts that I usually write during my birth month, reflecting on my own growth. If you missed those, here are a few: 46th Birthday Reflection (2025), A Reflection on Life, Love, and Self-Worth (2024), My 42nd Birthday (2021), My 41st Birthday (2020), Happy Birthday to me (2019), Happy Birthday 2018 (2018), Happy Birthday to Me (2017) and Jia You, Jeff (2017). This post is quite mundane; it serves as a personal reflection and is not intended for those who don't care to read. You may exit.

I create a self-portrait by starting with a point, then using one continuous line, and finishing with another point. This artwork symbolises the idea that a journey includes not just individual points or line segments, but the entire experience as a whole. I don't try to erase mistakes; instead, I've learned to accept that the line may wobble, overlap, and sometimes stray off course. Despite this, I continue moving forward until it ultimately represents me.

There were many "points" in my drawing. The point where I struggled with my appearance, the point where I questioned my worthiness, the point where I felt judged, the point where I believed society only rewarded good-looking people, the point where I started cosplaying, and the point where I tried to stand up again. If someone looked at any one of those isolation points, they might misunderstand the whole story. But when connected, they form a line that tells the story of my journey toward seeing things differently. This line isn't straight; it curves, loops, and sometimes overlaps itself. At times, it seems uncertain. And that's exactly how growth feels. Years later, we look back and realise, "No... I was actually drawing the picture."

Personal - Swimming Theme #25

Hi Blog,

A heartfelt post that I think I will want to share with you... Now I am going to do a closure. Sometimes I like to imagine an impossible question. What if I had an entire swimming pool to myself? No spectators. No friends. No strangers. No judgement. No compliments. No comparisons. No expectations. Just me and the water.

Which swimming trunk would I choose? After thinking about it for not that long, I would still choose the white one. A Realisation that "Perhaps authenticity is choosing the same path, whether someone is watching or not." That answer taught me more about myself than I expected. For years, I thought the white trunk represented confidence. Then I thought it represented courage. Later, I believed it represented self-expression. Today, I think it represents something even simpler. It represents honesty.

If nobody were watching, I wouldn't choose white to impress anyone. I wouldn't wear it hoping someone would think I looked attractive. I wouldn't wear it to attract attention or to prove that I was different. I would wear it because, after all these years, it simply feels like me.

Because somewhere along this journey, without even noticing, the white trunk stopped being something I used to fight my insecurities. It became something that quietly accompanied my healing. For more than twenty years, I've carried countless doubts into the swimming pool. Am I good enough? Am I drawing unnecessary attention? Are people judging me? Should I just wear black like everyone else? Those questions didn't disappear overnight. The difference is that they no longer make my decisions for me.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #123

Hi Blog,

Recently, someone told me that if I want to change my health, I should stop talking and start taking action. He said it is all about prioritising, and that even a low-cost gym is enough — so I have no excuse.

I understand where he is coming from, but honestly, I felt misunderstood.

My life is quite full. Between work, helping my family, volunteering, and trying to have some time for myself, I do try to stay active when I can — jogging, swimming, hiking. It may not look consistent, but it is not zero effort.

Personal - Swimming Theme #24

Hi Blog,

Looking back, I realised something that took me many years to understand. Despite what others might think, I never wore a white trunk because I wanted attention. In fact, attention often makes me uncomfortable. If I truly wanted attention, there are many other things I could have done. I could have acted louder, dressed differently, or constantly tried to make people notice me. But that was never my intention.

What I wanted was much simpler. I wanted to feel comfortable being myself.

For a long time, I felt there was an unspoken expectation to blend in. Wear what everyone wears. Think what everyone thinks. Follow the crowd and avoid standing out. The white trunk became a small way of telling myself that it was okay to like what I like, even if it wasn't the popular choice.

Personal - Swimming Theme #23

Hi Blog,

After all these years, I realised something important — I didn’t “win” anything by wearing a white trunk. I didn’t suddenly become confident, handsome, or fearless. But what I did gain was a quiet strength that stayed with me.

It wasn’t loud or dramatic.
It didn’t change me overnight.
It wasn’t even something people could see.

But every time I wore it, especially when I faced judgment or strange looks, I discovered a small part of myself that refused to give up. A part that whispered, “It’s okay. Just be yourself.”

Personal - Swimming Theme #22

Hi Blog,

Another thing that ties into all these feelings — I’m always afraid of being misunderstood. Whether it’s my white trunk, my quiet nature, or just how I carry myself, I worry people will read the wrong intentions.

I don’t want to attract the wrong attention. I don’t want people to think I’m showing off. I don’t want to be seen as someone I’m not.

That fear makes me shrink sometimes. It makes me avoid situations where people might judge how I look, what I wear, or how I move. I know it’s not fair to myself, but I’m still learning to balance it. To remind myself that misunderstandings happen, and they don’t define me.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #121

Hi Blog,

I started thinking about something I often experience in small, everyday moments — assumptions. Sometimes it comes from what I wear, sometimes from how I present myself. It made me wonder, why do people form impressions so quickly, even when they barely know the person in front of them?

Maybe assumptions are not always about others — but how we make sense of the world.

As I reflected on it, I realised that making assumptions is actually something very human. We tend to categorise people quickly — not because we want to hurt others, but because it helps us process information faster. It’s like our mind is constantly trying to organise the world into simple boxes: this type, that type, safe, unfamiliar.

Culture plays a part too. Growing up, we are surrounded by unspoken rules — what is considered “normal,” what is “acceptable,” and what feels out of place. Over time, these ideas become deeply rooted. So when we see something different, even something as simple as clothing, it can trigger a reaction. Not always a bad intention, but sometimes a lack of understanding.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #120

Hi Blog,

When I look back at this short series, I realise how much ground it quietly covered. It started with judgement — the comments, the labels, and the feeling of being misunderstood for something as simple as clothing. Then it moved into meaning — why I was drawn to fitted clothes, to the colour white, and to what they symbolised for me growing up. And eventually, it arrived at acceptance — choosing to wear what I like, not because others approve, but because it feels honest to who I am today.

In the end, it was never really about clothes.

Through these reflections, I began to see a bigger picture. Clothing was just the surface. Beneath it was a familiar human struggle — the fear of being judged, the habit of comparing ourselves to those who seem more accepted, and the quiet question we all ask at some point: Is it safer to be myself, or to blend in? I don’t think this struggle is unique to me. We all have our own version of “white clothing” — something we love, but hesitate to embrace fully because of how others might see us.

Personal - Swimming Theme #21

Hi Blog,

I’ve realised something else too — when someone compliments me, I don’t feel lifted. I feel cornered. It’s almost like a trap. I start wondering what they really see, what expectations come after that praise, and whether I can keep up with whatever image they think I have.

I know it’s not logical. Most people give compliments with a good heart. But for me, praise feels like borrowing clothes that don’t fit. Too loose in some places, too tight in others. I don’t know how to wear them naturally.

A simple “You look good today” can make me suddenly aware of every flaw on my body. A “You’re fit already” makes me feel like I need to prove it. Even “You’re improving” sounds like pressure.

Personal - Swimming Theme #20

Hi Blog,

I’ve realised something about myself — even though I’m slowly learning to recognise my patterns and triggers, I still struggle when people put the spotlight on me. Compliments, comments about being good-looking, or being fit… I just can’t receive them well. It doesn’t feel like they belong to me.

I always feel those words should go to the “demigods” out there — the confident ones with the right build, the right genes, the natural presence. They wear that armour of confidence so easily. I don’t. When the spotlight hits me, my instinct is to retreat into the shadows.

I’m not afraid of hard work. I just don’t want to stand on a stage where every flaw feels magnified. Even models need photographers to hide or adjust imperfections — so what about someone like me, with my ordinary looks and weak spots? It’s hard not to imagine people looking with judgement or disapproval.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #119

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to take initiative at work. I used to believe that seeing a gap and stepping in to help was always a good thing—and in many ways, it still is. But over time, I’ve started to realise that helping without clarity can slowly blur boundaries. What begins as support can quietly turn into responsibility, and before I notice it, the task no longer feels temporary or shared.

When initiative turns into ownership, and silence becomes agreement.

In a school environment, there are many moments where things need to be done quickly to avoid disruption. When no one steps forward, I often do—not because it is my duty, but because I care about quality, students, and outcomes. However, when others acknowledge a task but do not act, and I eventually complete it, the system learns something: “This is already taken care of.” Over time, that support becomes expected. Asking for help or clarity later can feel like shouting into the void, and raising concerns may unintentionally be seen as complaining, even when the intention is sustainability and fairness.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #118

Hi Blog,

Today, I find myself standing in a very different place from where I used to be. I feel less urge to constantly check how others might read me based on what I wear. Over time, I’ve learned that chasing the “right” image only pulls me further away from myself.

I can’t stop labels, but I don’t have to live by them.

Yes, people will always assume. Some will misinterpret, some will project, and some will judge without knowing the story behind a choice. I’ve come to accept that this is just part of life. I don’t have to explain myself anymore, nor do I need approval to enjoy what I like. Whether it’s fitted clothes, the colour white, or something that feels a little uncommon, I wear them because they make me feel comfortable and aligned — not because I’m trying to prove anything.

Personal - Rainbow Tree Artwork

Hi Blog,

After returning from my trip to Taiwan, I was handed a big project with only a few days to complete it, so there was no time to waste.

I made sure to gather all the necessary materials ahead of time, like boxes, paint, and cutting tools. Most importantly, I had a clear idea of what I wanted to achieve.

You might wonder why I’m doing this. My friends wanted to have a New Year celebration with the elderly, peers, and youngsters from our religious group, and I volunteered to make a giant tree to symbolise spring’s new growth after winter—a rebirth and a reminder to live with hope.

I tried to document the making process since this big project was something I could only handle myself, as everyone else was busy with other tasks in preparation for the event.

Personal - Swimming Theme #19

Hi Blog,

I’ve lived long enough to notice something about myself: whenever I hit a low point, the same old patterns come back. The self-doubt… the inner critic… the feeling that I’m falling behind in life. It’s like my mind plays the same broken tape every time.

But as I grow older, I realise something: Patterns don’t mean destiny. They are habits that formed from past hurt, not a map of my future.

I’ve rewritten small parts of these patterns before — slowly, quietly — even if no one notices. Things like learning to be gentler with myself, stepping away from unhealthy comparisons, or reminding myself that people around me cherish me more than I think.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #117

Hi Blog,

As I got older, I realised that my love for fitted clothing and the colour white was never just a random preference. It wasn’t about trying to look bold or different. It was something that quietly rooted itself in me over the years — a mix of imagination, childhood influences, and how I wanted to see myself. These choices were pieces of my inner world slipping into the real one.

Sometimes, the styles we choose carry stories we never say out loud.

When I think back, a lot of my inspiration came from the heroes I grew up admiring — Spiderman, Ultraman, Kamen Rider, Power Rangers… all these masked characters who carried confidence without ever showing their faces. Their suits weren’t just outfits; they were symbols of identity, strength, and purpose. Maybe that’s why fitted clothing appeals to me. It’s not about showing off — it’s about feeling aligned with that quiet strength, even if I’m not as toned or heroic-looking as them. And then there’s white. To most people, white is just a colour. But for me, it has always stood for something clean, simple, and quietly confident. White reveals everything, yet hides nothing — and maybe that honesty attracted me. Even though white trunks, white cycling jerseys, or white trisuits are uncommon or seen as “too risky,” I felt a connection to that boldness. Not the loud kind of bold, but a soft, personal one. A kind of I want to feel like myself bold.