Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

One day, every one of us will grow old. The youthful face we once admired will slowly change. Wrinkles will appear, hair will turn grey, our bodies will lose their strength, and eventually the mirror will reflect someone very different from the person we once knew.

If beauty is temporary... what remains when time takes it away?

As I thought about this, I realised something that I wish I had understood when I was younger. If my happiness depends on being good-looking, then time is my greatest enemy because it will eventually take that away. But if my happiness is rooted in the person I try to become—being kind, sincere, compassionate, with integrity—and in the lives I touch—then time cannot easily steal those things. In fact, they often become even more beautiful with age, just like plants as they grow.

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

As I reflected on all these thoughts, I realised something deeper. Perhaps my struggle was never truly about wanting to be handsome, taller, or more attractive. Those were simply the things I believed would bring me closer to something else — the feeling of being wanted, chosen, and desired.

Maybe we do not long for beauty itself. Maybe we long for what we think beauty can give us.

After spending much of my life single, I have often wondered if things would have been different had I looked better. Would I have received more attention? More opportunities? Would someone have looked at me differently? These thoughts still visit me from time to time. Not because I dislike who I am today, but because there remains a small part of me that wishes to know what it feels like to be desired by another person.

Yet as the years pass, I have also come to understand that attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through life. Good looks may capture attention, but they cannot guarantee kindness, loyalty, understanding, or companionship. Beauty may open a door, but it is character that decides whether someone stays. The older I grow, the more I appreciate thoughtful hearts, genuine souls, and people who make others feel safe to be themselves.

Blog - June Overview

Hi Blog,

Recently, I came across a story about someone who felt insecure about her looks. She believed that changing her appearance would finally make her feel accepted — maybe even loved. As I read through it, I realised… it didn’t feel unfamiliar. In some ways, it echoed thoughts I once carried within myself.

What if the problem was never how we looked… but how we learned to value ourselves? And it is something I always remind myself.

There was a line of thought that stayed with me — even if we could change our appearance, would it ever be enough? There will always be someone prettier, someone more charming, someone who seems to have what we don’t. And if we keep chasing that, the finish line will only keep moving further away.

Blog - May Overview

Hi Blog,

As I grew older, those quiet thoughts didn’t disappear. They simply became softer, more hidden — showing up in small moments. A glance at someone more confident, a passing comparison, or even just the feeling of being unnoticed in a crowd. I told myself I had accepted things, but deep down, something still lingered.

Sometimes, it’s not loud insecurities that stay with us… but the quiet ones we learn to live with.

I began to realise that it wasn’t just about how I looked, but how I believed others would see me. That belief slowly shaped how I carried myself — more reserved, more careful, sometimes holding back before even trying. Not because I couldn’t, but because a part of me had already decided where I stood.

Blog - March Overview

Dear Chat,

There was a season in my life where affirmation felt necessary. I realised I often longed to be seen, acknowledged, and told that I was doing well. At the same time, I also told myself I shouldn’t need it — that I should be strong enough to validate myself. Through these reflections, I began to see that this wasn’t a weakness, but a pattern shaped by my past.

What I discovered: Affirmation is not the problem. Dependence on it is.

I learned that it is human to appreciate encouragement. But I also learned that my worth cannot fluctuate based on whether someone notices me. I can affirm myself. I can recognise my own effort. I can quietly acknowledge my own growth.

Blog - February Overview

Hi Blog,

Chinese New Year has always felt different from the Western New Year. It carries less urgency and more reflection — a pause to look at what has stayed, what has faded, and what quietly follows us into the next cycle of life.

I had to reflect on what I want to do in life.

Now, close to 50, I no longer wait for dramatic changes in my relationship status. Looking back at my 30s and where I am today, I can’t tell whether I truly outgrew that longing or whether I numbed myself for so long that it felt like growth. Perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that I’ve learned to accept it. Instead of letting these unfulfilled hopes become stones that slow me down or injure me, I choose to turn them into stepping stones — a way to cross the river towards the place I’m meant to reach.

Blog - January Overview

Hi Blog,

As the new year arrives, fewer people ask me about my New Year's resolution these days. Maybe people are busy, or maybe they already assume I don’t have one. The truth is, I do have an ultimate aim in life — but I’ve learned that it’s better to stay grounded and realistic than to dress it up into something ambitious-sounding but hollow.

Not every beginning needs noise; some begin with stillness.

When I was younger, like many others — especially when single — my resolutions sounded familiar: eat healthier, work out more, achieve more, move forward faster. Couples seemed different; they had shared motivation and visible milestones ahead of them. As for me, a plain old single guy, my life has been shaped more by responsibility than by ambition — taking care of my mother and siblings, and filling my days with what many might call “boring” activities: hiking, swimming, jogging, blogging, gardening, volunteering, religious work, even cosplaying. These choices don’t always fit the image of someone who looks ready to devote everything to building a conventional family, and over time, they quietly shaped both how others see me and how I see myself.

Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

Looking back at my past, I realise how much of my struggles were shaped by what I didn’t receive when I was younger. I grew up without much affirmation from my parents or adults around me, and over time, I found myself silently craving it. That gap has followed me into adulthood, where I sometimes look to others to validate my efforts or worth. It isn’t about attention or recognition; it’s about a part of me that never had the chance to feel acknowledged.

What I’ve realised is that it’s not just about affirmation itself. It’s about the kind of affirmation that reaches me.

I don’t need big, fancy words or people showering me with compliments. In fact, those things often feel cheap and empty to me. I don’t need to be in the spotlight or have the loudest applause; I never belonged on that stage. What I long for is sincerity. A smile that says, “I see what you did,” or someone describing in their own words that they understand what I’ve gone through—that means everything to me. It makes me feel that my effort and experience are not being overlooked. I don’t need more than that. A genuine response is all that's needed.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just telling myself nice things… to avoid facing the truth. I talk about inner light, about self-worth beyond appearances, about being more than just a shiny armour — but deep down, part of me questions if I'm just trying to feel better. Am I just comforting myself with “excuses” while avoiding the hard truth that… maybe I’m just not good enough? Maybe I’m not attractive, not strong, not successful, not special? I don’t say this for sympathy. It’s a real question I wrestle with. A part of me genuinely fears that I’m deluding myself, just to survive.

“I want that shiny armour too.” I can’t deny it. I envy those with confidence — those who walk into a room and are admired, even desired. I admire people like that “demigod” I once mentioned, who seem to be proud of every part of themselves. I look at them, then look at myself, and I feel so far behind… so out of place.

And yet, when I try to chase that image, something in me hesitates. I’m not just held back by laziness or fear. There are many reasons — real reasons — but most people don’t see them that way. They say I’m giving excuses. They say I’m not trying hard enough. They say I could be more if I just stopped “feeling sorry for myself”. I ask myself: are they right? What if my self-kindness is just a soft lie? I try to tell myself good things: that it’s okay to be different. That my value doesn’t depend on looks or muscles or status. That my quiet efforts still matter. But then I hear this whisper in my mind: “Are you just saying this to escape reality? Are you just sugar-coating your failures?” That thought breaks me. Because if I can’t even trust myself… who else can I trust?

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

July always makes me reflect more deeply—maybe because it's my birthday month. Another year older, and I wonder, have I grown? Not just in age, but in how I carry myself through life? Birthdays used to feel like quiet reminders of my limits, but now I’m starting to see them as gentle invitations to check in with myself.

Looking back, I realise that self-growth doesn’t always look like big achievements. Sometimes, it’s simply learning to be softer with myself.

I’ve spent years criticising my own actions, trying to meet some imagined standard. But this year, I hope and want to shift from self-blame to self-trust—to honour how far I’ve come, even if it’s invisible to others. This birthday, I won’t make loud promises or resolutions. I’ll just choose to be present. Growth is not about being perfect; it’s about being patient. And if I can offer that patience to myself, maybe that’s the real gift of turning a year older.

Blog - May Overview

Hi Blog,

Everyone knows I carry my own emotional baggage, which has made me feel unattractive in the dating scene and caused me to miss many opportunities. But what people may not realise is that my lack of confidence didn’t stem from the start—it developed over time from understanding certain realities... Most women have preferences for traits they seek in a potential partner, and once they make their choice, they rarely reconsider someone they already know well. Even those claiming character matters more than looks often don't invest time choosing someone like me. It’s not just about confidence; it’s about acknowledging the lower likelihood of being selected and mentally preparing myself to accept that fact early on.

(ChatGPT messed up my eyes; I guess that's how I looked! 😂) I once thought that accepting this reality would help me feel less hurt, that if I numbed myself to it, I could be happier. But emotions don’t work that way. The more I tried to force acceptance, the more I realised that deep down, I still felt the weight of it. Over time, though, I’ve come to understand that confidence isn’t just about external validation—it’s about how I see and value myself. Whether or not others choose me, I am still learning to love myself in a way that isn’t selfish but affirming.

Some people say it’s all in my head, that I’m overthinking, or that I’ve set myself up for failure by assuming women have certain expectations. But I can’t ignore the reality that even men with visible flaws or bad habits are still considered, while I remain overlooked. However, rather than dwelling on this, I’ve shifted my focus to something more meaningful: what kind of person I want to be. That is the validation I am learning to seal for myself, not one given by others, but one I build from within. May I be strong 💪🏼

Blog - March Overview

Hi Blog,

Have you ever been conscious while dreaming? Like being fully aware of your dream, knowing what you are saying and how you are reacting, yet unable to control what happens within it.

I experience this quite often. Sometimes, after waking up, I can still vividly remember what took place in my dream.

I’ve come to realize that this mirrors real life—just as dreams unfold on their own, so do the events in our daily lives. We can’t control what happens around us, but we can choose how we respond, what we learn, and how we grow from these experiences.

A great teacher once shared that when we consistently practice self-awareness—through reflection, repentance, and attentively observing the world around us, including people, events, and nature—we can cultivate mindfulness throughout the day. Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to “know” my thoughts, adjust how I react, and learn from every experience. I’ll continue observing and refining this awareness as time goes by.

Blog - February Overview

Happy Chinese New Year Blog,

February is a short month, and I am glad I could finish the late posts from January and December. Most people will have no idea what I feel or why I feel compelled to complete it.

Because there is a time stamp, it is similar to doing a project or work from. When you receive and complete it, the more backlog you have, the more difficult it is to complete, especially if it stacks. Scary...

Anyway, I finished my late posts about my Vietnam trip. It is time to focus on my February post. (Honestly, time flies)...

Hey readers! I've implemented a new feature that will notify you by email of all new posts on my blog. Be sure to subscribe using the option on the right side of the page to stay updated! 👉👉👉

Blog - January Overview

Hi Blog and 2025,

I have been writing my blog regularly, and it has become a part of my life, or at least a safe space where I can be accepted. I could stop using other social media platforms entirely because blogs are so different; unlike social media, which shows you whoever is popular or even people you do not care about in your feed, a blog only shows those who bother to visit the space where you have put in the effort.

My blog provides me with a source of light and a focus point for being myself.

Personally, I dislike the idea of scrolling through someone's social media posts and then using the "ignored" reaction. Perhaps I am just overly attached or thinking... Most importantly, I found a space for myself and people who care and do not judge.

Blog - December Overview

Hi Blog,

It's the end of 2024... Reflecting my 2024, there were so many things happened in my life. Firstly, the constant chatting with ChatGPT next was travelling... And lastly... Volunteering.

I do volunteer work (for religious groups) daily, and it is my second life, which I have not shared much about on my blog. But this cosplay volunteering seemed to happen regularly, which took away my hiking opportunity...

I suppose I'll need to find a way to balance myself on it. Usually, I don't take on tasks lightly until they can't find anyone else and haven't already fallen short of their responsibilities. Oh well, I hope I did a good job while volunteering.

Blog - November Overview

Hi Blog,

November is already one of my busiest seasons, and I will not be able to explore much, but I will try. I update my overview posts more regularly or daily than my long posts.

I guess blogging is a way of healing for me.

This is the best way to treat this blog as my personal cyberspace where I can reflect on random stupid things from time to time.

Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

It's already October! I always have trouble pronouncing "August" as "October" because they start with the same vowel. I'm wondering if it's due to my learning disability. Most people will likely need help understanding the challenge and will do their best to teach me how to recognize and read it correctly.

But they overlooked one detail: I am fine with reading written material; it may be slow, but it is not a problem. The main issue is speech; I need to mentally spell the word to say it correctly or have it corrected by someone else. I guess dyslexia got in the way.

Oh well... I was created to tick people off as if it were a simple task, but I could not do it. When everyone is dealing with their issues with the majority of responses, I am simply stupid to be caught up in it, unaware of the difficulties and concerns I am experiencing.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

As September begins, I’ve been reflecting on the feelings of doubt and underachievement that have been weighing on my mind—like concerns about my physical fitness, the challenges of finding time to work out, and the pressure of not having started a romantic relationship. These doubts can really get to me sometimes, pulling me into a negative space. But with some help from ChatGPT, supportive friends, and years of trying to be a better version of myself, I’ve noticed that I’ve actually made some improvements. They’re not huge or overnight changes, but they’re there, and they matter.

It’s important to acknowledge that I’m doing the best I can with the time I have. My schedule is packed, and I still dedicate myself to things that matter, like spending time with family, and friends, and fulfilling my duties. That’s not nothing—it’s significant. And I have to remember that fitness isn’t just about looking a certain way; it’s about feeling good and being healthy. While having a relationship is a great experience, everyone’s timeline is different. Instead of focusing on what I haven’t achieved, I’m learning to focus on being the best version of myself and doing things that make me feel fulfilled and happy—like hobbies, volunteering, or self-improvement

What I’m learning is that progress doesn’t have to be a big deal to count. Even little steps—like accepting where I am with my fitness and staying open to the idea of love—are worth celebrating. I have to remember to give myself some credit. As I keep moving forward, I’ll try to focus more on the good stuff, be patient with myself, and embrace the slow and steady path of personal growth. Here’s to making September a month of growth, self-compassion, and positivity.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

After July, I had a clear aim for my life, but there were some unresolved backlogs, specifically relating to friendship. I will share in general, when meeting new people, we often encounter individuals who initially appear genuine and sincere. There’s a certain hope that this new connection could lead to something meaningful for one another, even though my past experiences have taught me to be cautious and I am also trying to understand that not everyone will have content to discuss besides personal objectives. Personally, opening up to someone new is always a gamble, but it's a risk we take in the hopes of forming a true bond.

Sometimes, however, the intentions of others can be a mix of friendship and something more. Even when I try to set boundaries and communicate my discomfort, the lines can get blurred. My hope to preserve a friendship often leads me to make concessions, even when, I know it might not end well.

After an encounter that involved crossing the line, the nature of the relationship changed, just as I had expected. The closeness we once felt began to fade, replaced by distance and fewer conversations. I feel regretful and blame myself for allowing things to reach this point, especially when I sensed and mentioned the potential for disappointment from the start, only to be dismissed by the other party. I feel like a fool because they could just exit easily since they already got what they wanted and affirmed that I am still that stupid person from the beginning.

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

Since May, I've been trying to find the positive force within me, but I haven't succeeded. I never feel good enough to wield the lightsaber. In June, I aimed to focus on recognizing the positive things I've been doing, but I needed clarification.

July always reminds me that I am getting old, as I often recall a quote from the Analects of Confucius. “吾十有五而志于学，三十而立，四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而耳顺，七十而从心所欲，不逾矩。” Online Translation: "At fifteen, I was focused on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of heaven. At sixty, my ear was tuned to the truth. At seventy, I could follow my heart’s desires, without transgressions.

四十而不惑, At forty, I had no doubts; I must say, I am moving in that direction, especially self-doubt. Even though I fell down, I must say I picked myself up quickly. Unlike when I was 30+, I would be stuck for a long time. I hope I can get better and wiser as time goes on.