Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my understanding of love has been influenced by certain "numbers." There is a popular idea in dating known as the “6666” standard—six feet tall, six-pack abs, a six-figure income, and another physical measurement that I’ll leave unmentioned. Of course, I understand that not every woman has these expectations, and I don’t want to generalise or place blame on anyone. However, I cannot deny that seeing these standards repeatedly, especially on social media, has changed the way I perceive myself. At some point, I stopped viewing them as mere preferences and began to see them as a measurement of whether someone like me was worthy of being chosen.

Perhaps the more painful question is not, "Do I have the sixes?" but rather, "What happens to me when I really don't?"

I began looking at myself through comparison for a long time. If another man is taller, fitter, better-looking, wealthier, or simply more confident, it feels as though he has something I don't—and therefore, an advantage I can never overcome. Slowly, dating starts to resemble a ranking system. The people with more desirable qualities seem to have the upper hand, while someone ordinary like me begins to wonder what remains after everyone else has been chosen. I know this isn't a fair or complete picture of reality. I know some women value completely different things. Yet feelings and reality do not always follow what we intellectually know. When the same comparisons appear often enough, they can quietly become part of the way we look at ourselves.

Personal - Swimming Theme #26

Hi Blog,

From 2023 to 2025, I worked on this theme but delayed posting because I kept revisiting my emotions, trying to understand why I feel this way and to be honest about my triggers. (If anyone bothers to read this, I want to be transparent.) I often feel envious of people with great physiques, good looks, and wealth. I realise this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s something many people experience. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself with a different question: “What happens when the glamour is stripped away?” instead of dwelling on “Why can’t I have what they have?”

When we watch videos/social media posts like these, we often see the highlights: the physiques, the attention, the admiration, the comments, the applause. What we rarely see is what happens when the cameras are off. Some people in those media are probably very confident and fulfilled. Some are probably not. Some may have built strong character, businesses, friendships, and meaningful lives alongside their physiques. Others may have poured so much of themselves into maintaining an image that they struggle when that image changes. The physique itself doesn't tell us which group they belong to.

A person's value is tested not when circumstances are favourable, but when the supporting conditions disappear. "Who remains when the advantage is gone?" That question applies equally to all of us. The interesting thing is that confidence built on an external advantage is always vulnerable to losing that advantage. The beautiful person eventually ages. The rich person may lose wealth. The respected manager may retire. The gifted athlete may suffer injury. The intelligent person may experience cognitive decline. If a person's identity becomes fused with the advantage, then the loss can be devastating. I've seen stories of retired athletes falling into depression, former celebrities struggling after fame fades, and even highly successful professionals feeling lost after retirement. The problem wasn't that they had those gifts. The problem was that they had unknowingly built their entire identity upon them.

Product - Marvel Infinity Stones Artefacts

Hi Blog,

When I was young, I read manga, not Marvel comics; however, in the nineties, when the arcade era was booming, one fighting game attracted me the most: Marvel Super Heroes! In the storyline, a main antagonist named Thanos plots to use the Infinity Gems to take over the universe.

For my birthday, I typically purchase a gift for myself, as the items I prefer tend to be either costly or impractical. Let me share what I got.

Based on the title, yeah! I became Thanos to collect all the Infinity Stones from the artefacts. In the past, I used to collect actual mineral rocks that were luminous under UV light and got my own Infinity Gauntlet! However, only the Disney theme parks carried these exclusive Marvel Infinity Saga Artefacts that had Infinity Stones. I managed to find a seller who wanted to sell his entire collection, so I decided to buy it all from him... To be honest, is it worth it? I shall share my reason, and you can conclude on your own.

Trip - Bintan - The Residence

Hi Blog,

In 2023, I took my first trip to Bintan with D, and we stayed at Nirwana Gardens. I want to visit all the beach resorts in Bintan (if only I were sponsored). Even though I spoiled one of my travel mates' experiences (typically) there due to my eyesoreness and shxttiness. However, I will either do it myself or have an accommodating travel mate if there is one. For my second stay in Bintan, based on Google Maps 'resort search', I want to target the more distant resort, which is The Residence, in the east of Bintan.

Good morning, Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. This time, I got the later ferry, so I won't be rushing.

Hope I won't disappoint anyone, including myself, on this trip after that wallet-bleeding incident... Let's go and explore together!

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

One day, every one of us will grow old. The youthful face we once admired will slowly change. Wrinkles will appear, hair will turn grey, our bodies will lose their strength, and eventually the mirror will reflect someone very different from the person we once knew.

If beauty is temporary... what remains when time takes it away?

As I thought about this, I realised something that I wish I had understood when I was younger. If my happiness depends on being good-looking, then time is my greatest enemy because it will eventually take that away. But if my happiness is rooted in the person I try to become—being kind, sincere, compassionate, with integrity—and in the lives I touch—then time cannot easily steal those things. In fact, they often become even more beautiful with age, just like plants as they grow.

Hiking - Labrador and Gillman Visit

Hi Blog,

Saturday again. I was supposed to attend a class, but I wanted some me-time. After what happened yesterday, I had a stronger urge to just lie down and doom-scroll; however, I gave myself a little push to go for a hike.

So where should I go today? In my mind, Labrador Nature Reserve stood out, so let's go there and also visit Gillman Forest again to find the spot I missed before. If you missed visiting Gillman Barracks Forest, you can check here. I would rather explore that forest sooner rather than later because it will be deforested for a future project.

Speaking of Labrador Nature Reserve, it is one of my favourite places for exploration. I've been feeling a strong urge to go there lately, so let's go together and see why. If you missed my previous post about Labrador Nature Reserve, you can check it out: Exploring Labrador Nature Park (2017), Night Exploration at Labrador Park (2019), Half Day Hike (2019), With my Childhood Friends (2020), Batu Berlayar AMTB Battery (2022) and again (2022), Finding Old Hideout Shelter (2023), and Revisiting Labrador Nature Park (2024)

Hiking - Gillman Barracks Forest

Hi Blog,

This month, I've been hurriedly working to document some forests that are at risk of being lost forever. Last week, I visited Maju Forest (you can check out my post about it), and next on my list is Gillman Barracks Forest. You can also read more about the news regarding these forests here.

I took a half-day leave to visit the nearby forest, and the weather today is looking great.

Why can't I go on the weekend? Why do I have to take a half-day leave? The forest has gained a lot of attention, and I’d like to visit in peace. Additionally, I am trying to clear my leave. Dongsaeng K also wants to explore the forest, so I will go with him.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Hiking - Maju Forest Exploration

Hi Blog,

On my previous hike, I didn't realise I had gone to the wrong forest until I finished and compared photos with others online, discovering I had gone to Dover Forest instead of Maju Forest (last week's hike post).

It looked like today was a cloudy one.

The reason for visiting Maju Forest today is that the government plans to develop the forest for housing, which has concerned many Singaporeans. (news from CNA) Many of them will rally about it, and it will definitely expose the forest to many visitors before it disappears. I, for one, have visited it before (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike) and now it's better to visit today.

Hiking - Facepalm Wrong Forest

Hi Blog,

I am glad there is a public holiday, and I can go for a short hike. I wanted to explore Maju Forest (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike), which is set to be developed, angering many Singaporeans. (news)

Since there has been no rain these days, it is perfect for exploration!

I don't know why... I was thinking of exploring Maju Forest before it was gone, but somehow... I ended up going to the wrong forest... My Facepalm moment... (If you'd like to revisit my previous posts on the wrong forest I visited, you may check this out: 2022 - Dover Forest & Dover Forest Part 2, 2023 - Easter Dover Trees)

Hiking - Finding The Rock Garden

Good morning, Blog,

It's Sunday! Unlike the previous weekends, which were either stormy or busy, today I want to visit a place to properly register the route. If you missed my visit to Rock Garden (2025), you can check it out.

It's perfect weather for hiking because it won't rain; the ground will remain dry, and the place will be bright.

I plan to visit Rock Gardens to familiarise myself with the route so I can revisit it in the future. I hope I can find my way in.

Personal - Spiderman The Whole Day

Hi Blog,

On the first day of August, I decided to try something crazy by agreeing to cosplay as Spiderman for PFACSG to help the Bone Marrow Donor Programme at Anchorvale Village, and to try out my newly purchased suit, which I couldn't zip up. You may read more in this post - Spiderman Costume from Unibuyplus (Feb 2026)

My last birthday treat was with LC, my secondary school classmate, and I shared with her all of my cosplay, work-related, and relationship updates before I went on my program, which lasted the entire day. Thanks for the treat!

Speaking of the program - I will be volunteering at noon as Spiderman, then travelling down to Shaw Lido to watch the new movie "Spiderman: Brand New Day" with a group of Spideys. What a day!

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

As I reflected on all these thoughts, I realised something deeper. Perhaps my struggle was never truly about wanting to be handsome, taller, or more attractive. Those were simply the things I believed would bring me closer to something else — the feeling of being wanted, chosen, and desired.

Maybe we do not long for beauty itself. Maybe we long for what we think beauty can give us.

After spending much of my life single, I have often wondered if things would have been different had I looked better. Would I have received more attention? More opportunities? Would someone have looked at me differently? These thoughts still visit me from time to time. Not because I dislike who I am today, but because there remains a small part of me that wishes to know what it feels like to be desired by another person.

Yet as the years pass, I have also come to understand that attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through life. Good looks may capture attention, but they cannot guarantee kindness, loyalty, understanding, or companionship. Beauty may open a door, but it is character that decides whether someone stays. The older I grow, the more I appreciate thoughtful hearts, genuine souls, and people who make others feel safe to be themselves.

Blog - 47th Birthday The Man I Didn't Become

Hi Blog,

Happy Birthday to me! I came across one of my blog posts that I usually write during my birth month, reflecting on my own growth. If you missed those, here are a few: 46th Birthday Reflection (2025), A Reflection on Life, Love, and Self-Worth (2024), My 42nd Birthday (2021), My 41st Birthday (2020), Happy Birthday to me (2019), Happy Birthday 2018 (2018), Happy Birthday to Me (2017) and Jia You, Jeff (2017). This post is quite mundane; it serves as a personal reflection and is not intended for those who don't care to read. You may exit.

I create a self-portrait by starting with a point, then using one continuous line, and finishing with another point. This artwork symbolises the idea that a journey includes not just individual points or line segments, but the entire experience as a whole. I don't try to erase mistakes; instead, I've learned to accept that the line may wobble, overlap, and sometimes stray off course. Despite this, I continue moving forward until it ultimately represents me.

There were many "points" in my drawing. The point where I struggled with my appearance, the point where I questioned my worthiness, the point where I felt judged, the point where I believed society only rewarded good-looking people, the point where I started cosplaying, and the point where I tried to stand up again. If someone looked at any one of those isolation points, they might misunderstand the whole story. But when connected, they form a line that tells the story of my journey toward seeing things differently. This line isn't straight; it curves, loops, and sometimes overlaps itself. At times, it seems uncertain. And that's exactly how growth feels. Years later, we look back and realise, "No... I was actually drawing the picture."

Personal - Swimming Theme #25

Hi Blog,

A heartfelt post that I think I will want to share with you... Now I am going to do a closure. Sometimes I like to imagine an impossible question. What if I had an entire swimming pool to myself? No spectators. No friends. No strangers. No judgement. No compliments. No comparisons. No expectations. Just me and the water.

Which swimming trunk would I choose? After thinking about it for not that long, I would still choose the white one. A Realisation that "Perhaps authenticity is choosing the same path, whether someone is watching or not." That answer taught me more about myself than I expected. For years, I thought the white trunk represented confidence. Then I thought it represented courage. Later, I believed it represented self-expression. Today, I think it represents something even simpler. It represents honesty.

If nobody were watching, I wouldn't choose white to impress anyone. I wouldn't wear it hoping someone would think I looked attractive. I wouldn't wear it to attract attention or to prove that I was different. I would wear it because, after all these years, it simply feels like me.

Because somewhere along this journey, without even noticing, the white trunk stopped being something I used to fight my insecurities. It became something that quietly accompanied my healing. For more than twenty years, I've carried countless doubts into the swimming pool. Am I good enough? Am I drawing unnecessary attention? Are people judging me? Should I just wear black like everyone else? Those questions didn't disappear overnight. The difference is that they no longer make my decisions for me.

Trip - Tiny Away Escape @ Lazarus

Hi Blog,

Today, I took leave to visit Lazarus Island. It seems I really love that place, don’t I? Yes, I have even thought about going to the island once a month, but I don’t want to get too accustomed to it and lose its magic.

Perfect weather for an island visit!

Today's post is special because I want to share my visit to an island feature: Tiny Away, or Tiny House @ Lazarus, which will soon be closing down. I wanted to experience it before it disappears, so let me show you how I spent my time there. Any new reader should take note. My experience at Tiny Away Escape is only a small part of my entire post. It may not provide useful information for everyone. Here, I share my stay at Tiny Away Escape.

If you missed my previous trips to Lazarus Island, you can check them out here. Oh my, I am a Lazarus regular. Lazarus Island and Kusu Island (2017) and again (2017), Solo trip (2017), Drone on the Island (2018), Disappointed Trip (2019), Chao Ta Day (2020), Me-Time (2020), Leading a Group (2020), Beach boy (2021), Visiting the island (2021), Explored the Unexplored (2021), Rainy Island (2021), Best Suntan (2022), Monday Orange (2022), Leading a Hike (2022), Sunny Island (2022), Mr Sun's Island (2023), Lesser Sun (2023), No Water (2023), Access while Low Tide (2023), New Tent (2024), Free Trip (2025), Quiet Battle Within (2025), A Day at Lazarus (2025), Weekend Suntan (2026), Eyesore Tanning (2026), Good Friday Lazarus (2026)

Hiking - Bukit Black

Hi Blog,

On Sunday morning, I was resting on my bed, reflecting on the movie I had watched yesterday. I had too many thoughts in my head, and I thought it would be better to spend the energy hiking than lying in bed reflecting.

Looking like a great morning for hiking!

I quickly got ready and wondered where I should explore this time. I decided on Bukit Brown since I needed to head to Planter Market after my hike, so it made sense to choose something simple and nearby.

It seems I have a fondness for Bukit Brown, as you can read about in more detail from my past visits shared here: Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit (2021), Bukit Brown Cemetery Visit II (2021), Find the Third Car (2021), Mount Pleasant Cemetery (2021), Two Red Hikes (2022), Failed Urbex (2022), Failed Urbex Restored (2022), Bummer Hike to Bukit Brown (2022), Rainy Brown (2022), 2023 First Hike (2023), 2025 First Hike (2025)

Personal - Suits for the Theme #123

Hi Blog,

Recently, someone told me that if I want to change my health, I should stop talking and start taking action. He said it is all about prioritising, and that even a low-cost gym is enough — so I have no excuse.

I understand where he is coming from, but honestly, I felt misunderstood.

My life is quite full. Between work, helping my family, volunteering, and trying to have some time for myself, I do try to stay active when I can — jogging, swimming, hiking. It may not look consistent, but it is not zero effort.

Blog - June Overview

Hi Blog,

Recently, I came across a story about someone who felt insecure about her looks. She believed that changing her appearance would finally make her feel accepted — maybe even loved. As I read through it, I realised… it didn’t feel unfamiliar. In some ways, it echoed thoughts I once carried within myself.

What if the problem was never how we looked… but how we learned to value ourselves? And it is something I always remind myself.

There was a line of thought that stayed with me — even if we could change our appearance, would it ever be enough? There will always be someone prettier, someone more charming, someone who seems to have what we don’t. And if we keep chasing that, the finish line will only keep moving further away.

Hiking - Lost in Woodcutter

Hi Blog,

On Sundays, I typically engage in cycling or hiking; if not, I have a class or meeting. However, I procrastinated, which made it take some time to motivate myself to go hiking.

Just looked at this perfect weather. I also think I mainly have to decide which area to explore.

Upon reviewing my previous blog posts regarding the trail I intended to revisit, it appears I have not returned since 2020. If you had missed out, you can click here: unexplored trek left (2020), unexplored trek right (2020) and medical cutter (2021)

Trip - My Disney Adventure Cruise Experience

Hi Blog,

I had the opportunity to go on a Disney Cruise with L, something we had promised to do since last year. The pricing for the staterooms is based on two adults, meaning that even if only one person travels, they still pay the full price. Since a stateroom can accommodate up to four guests, sharing the room is a smart way to save money. L is a big Disney fan, and since his partner isn’t interested in cruises, he invited me to join him on this trip. Given that the Disney Cruise rarely stops in Singapore, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to experience something special together. This is the background behind my decision to embark on this journey.

The weather seemed calm for travelling!

Honestly, the price I paid for the cruise was quite wallet-damaging, but I believe it offers great value for the experience I’m about to have. I hope it will be worth it with the amenities and activities included. I’m determined to make the most of this adventure and embrace everything the cruise has to offer. Let’s embark on this journey together! If you want to go on your own Disney Adventure Cruise, you can click here to find out more.

Personal - Swimming Theme #24

Hi Blog,

Looking back, I realised something that took me many years to understand. Despite what others might think, I never wore a white trunk because I wanted attention. In fact, attention often makes me uncomfortable. If I truly wanted attention, there are many other things I could have done. I could have acted louder, dressed differently, or constantly tried to make people notice me. But that was never my intention.

What I wanted was much simpler. I wanted to feel comfortable being myself.

For a long time, I felt there was an unspoken expectation to blend in. Wear what everyone wears. Think what everyone thinks. Follow the crowd and avoid standing out. The white trunk became a small way of telling myself that it was okay to like what I like, even if it wasn't the popular choice.

Hiking - Kay Siang Bunker Revisit

Hi Blog,

Today, I decided to continue exploring Kay Siang Bunker as the weather was pleasant and finally completed the hike I had left unfinished on 1st Jun 2026. Looking back, my last visit to Kay Siang Bunker was in 2022, followed by an impromptu one in 2023.

Hmm... I think the rain has stopped. According to the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO), the coming months will bring warmer weather due to El Niño. Anyone interested can look it up and get ready for its effects.

While I can’t change the world’s temperature, I’ll focus on enjoying the present and hiking as often as I can. Let’s set off on a journey to Kay Siang Bunker—a perfect beginner spot for urban exploration.

Trip - Oceanarium Singapore

Hi Blog,

It was supposed to park under January 2026, but I will need more time to draft this one. (This one took me a lot of time. This will be a perfect example if I decide to do a serious post which no one reads. Hahaha...) Anyway, this post is about the Singapore Oceanarium. Have you been to Oceanarium yet?

I was fortunate to get a ticket from my admin team because I missed the opportunity to go to the Oceanarium with my colleagues last November while I was attending a three-day course.

Today I decided to utilise that ticket before it expired. Personally, I love to look at fish tanks in an aquarium; it is like they take a small section of a habitat for closer observation, as if you are swimming with them. Hence, many years ago, I visited Singapore Sea Aquarium (2015 & 2020) twice and Underwater World (2016), and I love it.

Blog - May Overview

Hi Blog,

As I grew older, those quiet thoughts didn’t disappear. They simply became softer, more hidden — showing up in small moments. A glance at someone more confident, a passing comparison, or even just the feeling of being unnoticed in a crowd. I told myself I had accepted things, but deep down, something still lingered.

Sometimes, it’s not loud insecurities that stay with us… but the quiet ones we learn to live with.

I began to realise that it wasn’t just about how I looked, but how I believed others would see me. That belief slowly shaped how I carried myself — more reserved, more careful, sometimes holding back before even trying. Not because I couldn’t, but because a part of me had already decided where I stood.

Personal - Swimming Theme #23

Hi Blog,

After all these years, I realised something important — I didn’t “win” anything by wearing a white trunk. I didn’t suddenly become confident, handsome, or fearless. But what I did gain was a quiet strength that stayed with me.

It wasn’t loud or dramatic.
It didn’t change me overnight.
It wasn’t even something people could see.

But every time I wore it, especially when I faced judgment or strange looks, I discovered a small part of myself that refused to give up. A part that whispered, “It’s okay. Just be yourself.”

Personal - Suits for the Theme #122

Hi Blog,

There are days when I feel quietly exhausted—not from doing too little, but from living in a world that constantly asks me to show what I’ve done.

As if effort only counts when it becomes visible. As if growth must be proven. As if trying is meaningless unless it leaves a mark others can recognise. And somewhere along the way, I started questioning myself. If no one sees it… does it mean I didn’t try hard enough?

But when I sit with that thought a little longer, something inside me gently resists it. Because some of the most meaningful things I’ve ever done in life were never seen. They existed in quiet moments—in showing up, in helping, in holding on, in not giving up.

Trip - Penang City Tour

Hi Blog,

For the second part of my journey, I will continue my post from Taiping to Penang City. If you have missed it, you can continue from there and come back again.

Taiping is a quiet town, but I love it. If I could teleport anywhere to travel around, I would visit Taiping again...

Thanks to our tour guide for arranging that itinerary, and I am excited about the next one to Penang. If you missed out on my first Penang itinerary in 2016, you may click here to read more of it. It was when I had just started my blogging habit, so my write-up was quite raw.

Trip - Taiping Sepatang Tour

Hi Blog,

This weekend, I will be travelling again! Many people have commented that I treat the airport like my second home. I understand they are teasing me, but it's not a pleasant feeling, and I need to learn how to manage it. My elder brother wants to organise another big family trip to Penang, and our itinerary will be managed by a tour guide. Previously, he had taken my aunts and uncles to Genting Highlands Day 1 & 2, and KL Day 3 & 4 (2024).

I will be staying overnight at my elder brother's house so that we can grab a meal together with my aunties.

I hope this trip will be conflict-free and less dramatic, and that we can bond well! Personally, I just wanted to relax during the whole trip. It was a four-day trip, and I will divide this into two long posts about different parts of Malaysia - Taiping and Penang.

Hiking - Short Dragon Teeth Revisit

Hi Blog,

Today, Dongsaeng K wanted to visit my house on the weekend to see my plants, and he also wanted to explore a little before coming over. I had some programs during my late Saturday afternoon, so this post will be a short one.

It looks like good weather in the morning, but I predict it will rain in the afternoon—a predictable weather pattern these days.

He wanted to know the actual location of the "Dragon Teeth," and I thought it would be a good idea to revisit some areas as well. If you're unsure which "Dragon Teeth" I'm referring to, you can check the link here: Dragon Teeth Structure (2026).

Personal - Good Friday Lazarus

Hi Blog,

It's Good Friday today, a holiday! Yippee! What should I do today? Some time ago, my friend J accompanied me on camping trips to Pulau Hantu and several hiking excursions. Subsequently, he had to attend to certain family matters. Once matters had settled, he wanted a break and requested that I accompany him on a visit to an island.

The weather today appeared to be quite favourable.

But but... I don't like the idea of visiting Lazarus, especially on public holidays... But that is the only day when he can take a break from his part-time work and feel that his mother is able to take care of herself. I think from my past Lazarus visits, I had never tried to visit on public holidays. I will take this opportunity to show you why.

If you missed my previous trips to Lazarus Island, you can check them out here. Oh my, I am a Lazarus regular. Lazarus Island and Kusu Island (2017) and again (2017), Solo trip (2017), Drone on the Island (2018), Disappointed Trip (2019), Chao Ta Day (2020), Me-Time (2020), Leading a Group (2020), Beach boy (2021), Visiting the island (2021), Explored the Unexplored (2021), Rainy Island (2021), Best Suntan (2022), Monday Orange (2022), Leading a Hike (2022), Sunny Island (2022), Mr Sun's Island (2023), Lesser Sun (2023), No Water (2023), Access while Low Tide (2023), New Tent (2024), Free Trip (2025), Quiet Battle Within (2025), A Day at Lazarus (2025), Weekend Suntan (2026), Eyesore Tanning (2026)

Blog - April Overview

Hi Blog,

There was a time when I looked into the mirror, not to see myself, but to measure what I lacked. Height, appearance, presence — somehow, I always felt I fell short. It wasn’t something people said all the time directly, but it was there… in the silence, in comparisons, in the way attention seemed to flow more easily to others.

Maybe it wasn’t the mirror that was harsh… but the way I learned to look at myself.

Growing up, it felt like there was an invisible standard everyone had to meet. The media, the people around me, even casual conversations — they all quietly shaped this idea of what it meant to be “good-looking enough.” And without realising it, I started to believe that being seen, liked, or even loved… had something to do with how I wished to meet that standard.

Personal - Swimming Theme #22

Hi Blog,

Another thing that ties into all these feelings — I’m always afraid of being misunderstood. Whether it’s my white trunk, my quiet nature, or just how I carry myself, I worry people will read the wrong intentions.

I don’t want to attract the wrong attention. I don’t want people to think I’m showing off. I don’t want to be seen as someone I’m not.

That fear makes me shrink sometimes. It makes me avoid situations where people might judge how I look, what I wear, or how I move. I know it’s not fair to myself, but I’m still learning to balance it. To remind myself that misunderstandings happen, and they don’t define me.

Hiking - Kranji Marshes Alone

Hi Blog,

On Saturday, I was scheduled to travel to a farm near Sungei Buloh to collect my plant. As I considered where to go before heading to the farm, I decided to visit Kranji Marshes again.

As usual, the weather is good and very encouraging. My friend RD wanted to join my hike, but it might be intense, which I will explain later.

Looking back on my last visit to Kranji Marshes, I can't believe it's been a long while since I was there. You may read my past posts - Kranji Marshes (Apr 2017) and Short Visit (Jul 2017). I will compare changes from then to now.