Personal - Suits for the Theme #126

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. Recently, I talked with someone about staying fit and improving my health. He reminded me that if I truly wanted to change, I needed to make time, put in the effort, and spend money on it. He also mentioned that affordable community gyms were available, so I had little reason not to start. After all, it was a matter of priorities. I understood his point, and perhaps there was some truth in what he said. However, I also felt misunderstood. My life is filled with work, family commitments, religious volunteering, and personal interests that give me a sense of purpose. I do try to stay active through jogging, swimming, hiking, and cycling whenever I can. Perhaps my efforts are not always consistent, and there is still room for improvement, but it does not mean I have stopped trying.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the quiet efforts we make still count when nobody sees them. There are parts of my life that exist quietly, without applause, recognition, or visible proof. I may not have the most disciplined routine, the fittest body, or the kind of results that others can easily admire. I may still struggle with self-doubt, compare myself with others, and question whether I am doing enough. Yet, beneath all these uncertainties, there is still a part of me that hopes to become a better person.

Perhaps I need to learn that taking care of myself does not have to become another competition, nor does every improvement need to be made to prove someone wrong. I can acknowledge my shortcomings without using them as reasons to condemn myself. I can continue improving without demanding perfection from myself every step of the way. I am learning to appreciate the quieter side of growth. The small efforts, the imperfect attempts, and the willingness to try again may not always produce immediate results, but they are still part of my journey. I may move more slowly than others, and I may stumble along the way, but I do not have to give up simply because my progress is not impressive to the outside world.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #123

Hi Blog,

Recently, someone told me that if I want to change my health, I should stop talking and start taking action. He said it is all about prioritising, and that even a low-cost gym is enough — so I have no excuse.

I understand where he is coming from, but honestly, I felt misunderstood.

My life is quite full. Between work, helping my family, volunteering, and trying to have some time for myself, I do try to stay active when I can — jogging, swimming, hiking. It may not look consistent, but it is not zero effort.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #122

Hi Blog,

There are days when I feel quietly exhausted—not from doing too little, but from living in a world that constantly asks me to show what I’ve done.

As if effort only counts when it becomes visible. As if growth must be proven. As if trying is meaningless unless it leaves a mark others can recognise. And somewhere along the way, I started questioning myself. If no one sees it… does it mean I didn’t try hard enough?

But when I sit with that thought a little longer, something inside me gently resists it. Because some of the most meaningful things I’ve ever done in life were never seen. They existed in quiet moments—in showing up, in helping, in holding on, in not giving up.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #121

Hi Blog,

I started thinking about something I often experience in small, everyday moments — assumptions. Sometimes it comes from what I wear, sometimes from how I present myself. It made me wonder, why do people form impressions so quickly, even when they barely know the person in front of them?

Maybe assumptions are not always about others — but how we make sense of the world.

As I reflected on it, I realised that making assumptions is actually something very human. We tend to categorise people quickly — not because we want to hurt others, but because it helps us process information faster. It’s like our mind is constantly trying to organise the world into simple boxes: this type, that type, safe, unfamiliar.

Culture plays a part too. Growing up, we are surrounded by unspoken rules — what is considered “normal,” what is “acceptable,” and what feels out of place. Over time, these ideas become deeply rooted. So when we see something different, even something as simple as clothing, it can trigger a reaction. Not always a bad intention, but sometimes a lack of understanding.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #120

Hi Blog,

When I look back at this short series, I realise how much ground it quietly covered. It started with judgement — the comments, the labels, and the feeling of being misunderstood for something as simple as clothing. Then it moved into meaning — why I was drawn to fitted clothes, to the colour white, and to what they symbolised for me growing up. And eventually, it arrived at acceptance — choosing to wear what I like, not because others approve, but because it feels honest to who I am today.

In the end, it was never really about clothes.

Through these reflections, I began to see a bigger picture. Clothing was just the surface. Beneath it was a familiar human struggle — the fear of being judged, the habit of comparing ourselves to those who seem more accepted, and the quiet question we all ask at some point: Is it safer to be myself, or to blend in? I don’t think this struggle is unique to me. We all have our own version of “white clothing” — something we love, but hesitate to embrace fully because of how others might see us.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #119

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to take initiative at work. I used to believe that seeing a gap and stepping in to help was always a good thing—and in many ways, it still is. But over time, I’ve started to realise that helping without clarity can slowly blur boundaries. What begins as support can quietly turn into responsibility, and before I notice it, the task no longer feels temporary or shared.

When initiative turns into ownership, and silence becomes agreement.

In a school environment, there are many moments where things need to be done quickly to avoid disruption. When no one steps forward, I often do—not because it is my duty, but because I care about quality, students, and outcomes. However, when others acknowledge a task but do not act, and I eventually complete it, the system learns something: “This is already taken care of.” Over time, that support becomes expected. Asking for help or clarity later can feel like shouting into the void, and raising concerns may unintentionally be seen as complaining, even when the intention is sustainability and fairness.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #118

Hi Blog,

Today, I find myself standing in a very different place from where I used to be. I feel less urge to constantly check how others might read me based on what I wear. Over time, I’ve learned that chasing the “right” image only pulls me further away from myself.

I can’t stop labels, but I don’t have to live by them.

Yes, people will always assume. Some will misinterpret, some will project, and some will judge without knowing the story behind a choice. I’ve come to accept that this is just part of life. I don’t have to explain myself anymore, nor do I need approval to enjoy what I like. Whether it’s fitted clothes, the colour white, or something that feels a little uncommon, I wear them because they make me feel comfortable and aligned — not because I’m trying to prove anything.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #116

Hi Blog,

Recently, I found myself feeling deeply emotional after visiting a ward where some patients were under “Do Not Resuscitate” status. Many of them had no family members, friends, or anyone left to care for them. Some struggled with mobility or mental health issues, and others simply had no one waiting for them anymore. Seeing that reality was heavy — it made me wonder why life can feel so cruel to those who have no one.

For a while, I questioned myself: am I overthinking it? But I realised it wasn’t overthinking — it was empathy. It’s the part of us that quietly aches when we see suffering we can’t fix. Most people move on from such moments, but for some of us, the heart lingers a little longer.

Perhaps compassion doesn’t always mean doing something grand. Sometimes, it simply means being there — showing up, smiling, or bringing a spark of light into someone else’s day. Even if the world has forgotten them, for that brief moment, they are seen again.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #115

​Hi Blog,

I used to feel conflicted about my clothing choices. Whenever I wore something more fitted or in white, people would make comments — saying it looked “too much,” or that such styles were linked with a certain group. I wasn’t wearing them for that reason at all; I simply wanted to look decent and feel confident in my own skin. 

It was never really about clothes. It was about being seen and judged.

The truth is, I often compared myself with those who were more toned or “better looking.” They could wear tight, bold, or even daring clothes, and others would praise their confidence. But when I did the same, it felt like I was labelled, misunderstood, or even mocked. That left me asking myself if I should just give up my preferences and stick to what was “safe”.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #114

Hi Blog,

I’ve often noticed how compliments light up certain people — especially those who seem to shine like demigods. Their confidence, their looks, their achievements — everything they do seems to attract admiration. Some even grow stronger with each praise, as if the applause fuels them. And others expect me to respond the same way — to receive compliments with a big smile, to feel proud and encouraged. But to be honest, outward validation feels... tempting yet strangely hollow to me. It brushes against my skin but doesn’t sink deep. It feels like a mask I don’t quite wear.

Do I need shiny armour to prove my worth, or is there something else within me trying to speak?

This thought brings me to the idea of the “shiny armour” versus the “inner light.” The shiny armour is what people can easily see — appearance, charm, success, and humour. The inner light is quieter — it’s values, compassion, purpose, and resilience that others might not notice at first. As an INFJ and someone with a strong Earth influence in my Ba Zi, I tend to seek meaning behind actions, not just results. I’m wired to look deeper — to question, to reflect, to serve — and that sometimes means I’m slow to accept praise that feels surface-level. I don’t reject compliments because I am not comfortable with them. I reject them when they feel disconnected from my core — or when I haven’t yet lived up to the person I want to be.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #113

Hi Blog,

There are moments when people give me compliments, but instead of feeling proud, I often feel uncomfortable or even undeserving. It’s always nice to receive compliments, or so people say. Friends sometimes tell me, “Jeff, you look good,” or “You’ve done well — be proud of yourself!” But for some reason, I find myself brushing off those words. Not because I’m trying to be modest, but because deep down, I don’t feel like I deserve them. A part of me wonders whether they’re just being polite, or if they see something I don’t. It’s not that I reject their kindness — in fact, I appreciate it — but somewhere deep inside, I struggle to let their words settle and truly believe them.

"I hear what you say, but my heart is still learning to receive it. I want to believe I’m worthy, but I don’t always feel it. Compliments touch me, but they don’t always reach me." (just some inner monologues) Maybe it’s not that I dislike compliments… maybe it’s just that I long for them to be real, grounded, and gentle — not loud, not forced, and not empty.

As an INFJ, I naturally crave authenticity and depth. I notice intentions more than words, and I value sincerity far more than style. On top of that, my Ba Zi chart shows a strong Earth element and very little Wood — which reflects a personality that is stable, grounded, supportive, but not one that easily absorbs praise or puts itself in the spotlight. I’ve grown cautious around compliments, especially when they feel generic or overly cheerful. Over time, I’ve learned that constant deflection of praise also comes at a cost: I start focusing only on my flaws, training my brain to ignore the good. I don’t want fake affirmation, but maybe I also need to learn how to accept sincere appreciation — in a way that still honours who I am. I don't need grand statements like "You're amazing!" — instead, I feel most affirmed by a quiet nod, a gentle smile, or someone saying, “Hey Jeff, what you did matters — it’s not flashy, but it’s meaningful.” That kind of praise feels real to me — because it recognises effort in a world that often only celebrates results.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #112

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of quiet thinking about something I’ve been struggling with for a long time — my body image and self-esteem. I’ve always admired those with great physiques. Deep down, I know it’s not just about wanting to look good, but about wishing to be accepted, loved, and seen by others. The tricky part is… even though I’m aware of this, I still find myself going back to the same thoughts: If only I had a better body, maybe I would feel more confident… maybe I wouldn’t feel so invisible. But the more I think, the more I realise — this isn’t just about muscles or looks. It’s something much deeper within me that I’ve carried for years.

Jealousy isn’t really about muscles. It’s about longing for love and belonging. It’s about feeling left behind, again and again.

Through some reflection, and after reading a very insightful piece online, I started asking myself: What am I really jealous of? The truth hit me — it isn’t the muscles themselves. It’s what they symbolise: attention, affection, and acceptance, all of which feel like scarce treasures in my life. I’ve also realised that even if I had the “perfect” body, my deep-rooted low self-esteem wouldn’t magically go away. In fact, it might make me crave even more attention or lead me to unhealthy habits just to keep that validation coming. So instead of fighting these feelings with more self-criticism, I now try to shift my focus inward — to care for my health, maintain my fitness gently, and practise contentment in small steps. It’s not easy, and it will take years to master, but this is my quiet work to do.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #111

Hi Blog,

I’ve always been curious about who I really am and why I feel the way I do. Over time, I’ve explored MBTI and Bazi to understand myself better — my habits, emotions, and the things that seem to pull me back or push me forward. Recently, I attended a workshop that introduced me to something new: the Enneagram. It felt like discovering fascinating research for self-discovery. It helped me feel connected and see how everything ties together.

Everything feels connected now – my heart, my patterns, my past.

I took a detailed Enneagram questionnaire and found out I’m a Type 4 — Individualist. Describes people who experience emotions deeply, often feel misunderstood, and are always searching for meaning and identity. Really resonates with me. As a Type 4, I’ve always felt like I exist in a world that’s just a bit different from others — not better, just more emotional, introspective, and reflective. Sometimes I get caught up in my own feelings or struggle with not feeling good enough. Gaining more knowledge about it has made me feel less burdened compared to my past, and pairing that with being an INFJ, I can see common threads running through it all — my desire to grow, to help, to understand life more deeply, and to overcome the fears that quietly hold me back.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #110

Hi Blog,

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on some emotional triggers that still affect me. One particular moment stood out during an overseas trip with my aunt and a friend. At the airport, as the tray system for luggage was jammed with long queues, I tried to help by passing used trays back to keep things moving. But when I moved my friend’s bag with good intention, I was met with the harsh comment, “Don’t act smart here.” That line, though short, stayed with me.

It wasn’t just the words—it was what they represented. That same phrase has echoed through my life, especially when I was younger. Whether I was moving snails to safety or quietly closing a lid that seemed out of place, my small acts were often dismissed as unnecessary or even silly. Each time, I wasn’t seen for the thought or kindness behind my action—I was judged from the surface, as if trying to do something good was something wrong.

What truly hurts is not being asked why I did what I did, not being given space to explain myself. I always try to understand others before I comment, hoping to see their perspective. Yet I rarely feel that same courtesy returned to me. Deep down, I just want to be understood—not praised, not rewarded—just understood with an open heart.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #109

Hi Blog,

Even though it is my trisuit theme session, there is something that struck in my mind... To continue what I had started in the April Overview. Even though some or many of my friendships faded, I still think about them from time to time. Not in an obsessive way—just in those quiet moments when my mind drifts back to the people who once mattered. As an INFJ, I don’t make deep connections easily, so when I do, I hold onto them dearly. That’s why it hurt when a friend I knew and trusted suddenly grew distant. Just a shift of coldness I couldn’t quite understand. I kept wondering, did I do something wrong? Was I being too sensitive? Maybe it was nothing, or maybe it was everything. Either way, the silence between us started saying more than words ever could.

Personally, I don’t like conflict, but when someone pulled away, I didn’t chase or demand answers. Instead, I retreated, like I always do when I sense someone doesn’t want me around.

I replayed our last conversation, especially the promises, in my head, trying to piece together what went wrong. But at some point, I accepted the truth—only this stupid me easily offended others anyway. The fact is, INFJs have this habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes at the expense of our own well-being... I guessed it wasn’t as solid as I thought.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #108

Hi Blog,

Continue from the swimming post (here). After realizing that I keep looking at certain people, I start questioning myself. Why do I do this? What does it mean? Am I weird? The more I think about it, the more confused I feel. People like to put labels on everything, and I don’t want to be misunderstood.

But deep down, I know it’s not because I like them in that way. It’s because I wish I could be like them.

I envy the confidence, the admiration, the kind of attention they get without even trying. It reminds me of what I never had. No matter how much I work on myself, I will never have that kind of youth or presence. That reality stings. Seeing them brings back feelings I thought I had let go of, but they are still there, buried inside me. It’s not about wanting them. It’s about wanting what they represent, what I never got to experience.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #107

Hi Blog,

Running against my thoughts. Jogging is often seen as a way to clear the mind, but for me, it’s more than that. It’s a quiet battle between my thoughts and my feet, between what I feel and what I know. Every step I take is not just about fitness but about pushing through the emotions that weigh me down. Recently, I realized that jogging, which was supposed to be my escape, also became a reminder of my struggles with self-image and societal expectations.

It all started when a well-meaning friend shared images of fitness influencers with sculpted bodies, captioned with words about dedication, hard work, and achieving one’s dream physique.

On the surface, these messages were meant to inspire, but for me, they became a trigger. Instead of motivation, they reminded me of what I lacked. I know I should only compare myself to my past self, not others, but it’s hard when society worships a specific kind of "ideal."

Personal - Suits for the Theme #106

Hi Blog,

These were monsoon days, and I was not motivated to go for a jog because the ground was wet or raining... Plus, there were long unfinished posts in December and a heavy workload in January... I hoped to regain my jogging motivation...

I tried to reflect on why I had lost motivation. I know that workload, weather, and unfinished posts all impact me, but I believe it is primarily because I have gained weight. Sigh.

Here's a collection of me in trisuits and jogging, expressing my inability to break free from the fat web... I finished this theme early last year, and now I am looking at my fat stomach... I just started to hate myself...