Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

That is a painful way to look at another human being—and an even more painful way to look at myself. Because once I start putting people into rankings or tiers, I also classify myself within them. In fact, I forget that attraction is personal, relationships are complicated, and two people can value completely different things in each other. Those possibilities sometimes feel so distant from my own experience that they seem more like stories or fairy tales than something that could happen to me. I also forget something much simpler: I am not actually competing against every man in the world. There is no universal scoreboard that determines who deserves love first. Yet I cannot pretend that the feeling disappears simply because I understand this intellectually. The comparison has become a habit, and habits take time to unlearn.

1st Oct 2026 - Today we decided to give XY a last send-off dinner before he takes his flight back to Brazil. I won't base the value of friendship on frequent catch-ups; I reminded XY not to forget the mission, as it will be the pillar of friendship. Without this 'pillar', friendship can change due to many factors.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Today I decided to share something about myself. My favourite attire is a hoodie, as I consider myself a hoodie person. I love this hoodie because of the print: an Avatar: The Last Airbender fused with Captain Planet. Sadly, I can't wear a hoodie every day, so I don't have many.

2nd Oct 2026 (part 2) - I brought my mother to JB again for a staycation directly after work because she wanted to get something. While having dinner, I bumped into my school's teacher, Mrs J, who sat beside my table. What a small world.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 1) - Honestly, I was very disappointed and upset about this. The pool was closed for maintenance, so I couldn't swim. A woman who also wanted to swim mentioned that it had been under maintenance for the past three days. However, when I looked around, there were many graduate students gathering on the same floor near the pool. I wondered if the pool was closed to prevent them from partying there.

3rd Oct 2026 (part 2) - Okay, my sister and my mum decided to do some ladies' stuff and left me alone, so I went on my own shopping spree. However, I couldn't get a karaoke room to pass the time, so I decided to go on a swimming spree! I sneaked over to the apartment side for a swim! Yippee! People go for massages or self-care treatments; I just give myself a nice swimming pool, and that is my self-care!

4th Oct 2026 - Swimming Theme #27
(Click here to read more)

Maybe the first step is not convincing myself that I am exceptional. I don't need to become the tallest, richest, strongest, or most handsome man in the room. I think I simply need to stop treating someone else's advantages as proof of my own deficiency. There will always be someone with more than me in one area, just as there will always be something I possess that another person may not. Perhaps love was never supposed to be a race where the strongest candidate takes the prize. Perhaps it is two imperfect people noticing something in each other that cannot be measured on a scorecard. And if I really want someone to see me properly one day, perhaps I first need to stop seeing myself as someone who has already lost.

Jeff