Personal - My 2017 Resolution

Hi Blog,

After a year of knocks and bumps, and doing some self-reflection, I concluded a few new directions or I will say resolution for my own well-being and others.
Below are some of the things which I had noticed myself… like taking drugs slowly and poisoned myself…

Due to it is a long post, you may skip it.

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Obsession over ‘Likes’ in Social Media

Ever since social media like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter getting more and more popular, I noticed that I have the urge to gain ‘Likes’, and tends to feel lousy with myself because whoever posted something like traveling pictures, or who getting married, or get into relationship, or change statues, or reach certain achievement, or posing beautiful picture of themselves by gaining the amount of likes and comments.

I understand that beautiful/handsome people will usually gain many likes effortlessly in whatever they do or even have the chance to travel aboard to see the world which is viewed as a luxury.
To be honest, I revised myself…. There are three reasons behind such negative feeling.

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1) Jealousy of them
I tend to get jealousy over why can’t I get such treatment… I always want to be good and be better. Like example, to look like demi-god infront of mirror, have certain outstanding sharp facial features, earn great money, get into relationship etc… like everyone is getting somewhere on top… and I can’t get close to those… To do so, I need to work hard for it.

I guess this is truth

Yes I know! People will tell me to get my lazy axx to workout/earn but without knowing I have some commitment to fulfil which I prioritized.

some sad post...

And there are some things which no matter how much effort I put in, I can never get it like looks, unless I go plastic surgery…

Even getting a relationship, I just don’t get it… why some people got into relationship so easily and while I got NO LUCK over it… and in social media, I will see updates of all those successful stories….

(Resolution 1) Honestly… I should stop whining… Accept the facts of life, be happy over others achievement, and work toward it. I know I have body image issues, and I will learn to deal it.

Whether I got it or not, it doesn’t matter. Learn to be Contented is the important lesson, do in whatever I can.

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2) Greed for approval
My jealousy is actually from together with greed for approval from others, like in-need approval that Jeff is good/capable than thinking I am a lousy loser.

I always got distracted by the number of likes I gained from a post. I just don’t get it why people can ignore my posts and give attention to posts that they like. Like as if I am a loser that they don’t want to be with…

Since young, I was labelled as an ugly and plain nerd. I saw how others own certain features (achievement, looks, fame etc) in their life, and can get many approvals from others. (like people will idol them, center of attention, present themselves confidently etc) so I dreamed to soak in such attention, such approval by many but I can’t….

(Resolution 2) I remembered that EK reminded me in the past, “are you really fat?”, “are you really that ugly?”, “are you really that poor?”, “are you really that lousy?” etc
Those questions made me realised, it is my flaw in my character which is being a perfectionist.

(Perfection in everything; Leo tends to behave that way.) That is very unhealthy, and won’t get me nowhere. If I already have such flaws, even when I own such features, fame and achievement, I won’t feel satisfied with it at all, I might feel lousy still. I have to love myself and be contented.

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3) Feeling inferior
Based on points 1 & 2, feeling lousy of myself is the aftermath… On social media, I envy those who can look great and the number of likes and followers they gained is OMG. (I can’t compare myself with beautiful girls, they will get their fame easily. So I am referring to guys.) Especially those who flex their BIG MASSIVE arms, Ripped physical, Washing abs, and Smile like K-pop stars, the comments or likes are spammed a jetpack! (the number of approvals)

Maybe because I can’t get into the center of my clique; I am always the forgotten one… Kind of feeling left out… I wonder is it because of my look, my whatever? Then the cycle continues to point 1…

Just look at the Best of me

(Resolution 3) I always remind myself with this sentence, Heaven has never looked down in me, so I should not look down at myself too. Heaven isn’t biased toward demi-looking gods, or ripped wonderful bodies, or successful people. Heaven wants people who can love the world, take good care of people around him, putting people before him than himself.

I am given a special role, very unique position which is clean intention and direction on serving HIM and his people. So I should stop doubting myself.

“Social Media Likes isn’t equal to personal value in this world.”

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. No More Wearing Trisuit

In the year 2016, many people don’t like me wearing tight… they feel inappropriate and disgusted by my genital.

From my previous post (here), I got trisuit to motivate myself to work out, similar to getting cycling jersey too. But… others start to get judgmental over my attire and suspected my intention of wearing tight to show off…

To be honest, it actually took me a great deal of courage to wear it for workout and be able to stand infront of public in it, despite of I have a lousy physical. But seriously, I just wanted to motivate myself.

But it seemed like I didn’t care how others feel… others might find uncomfortable with me.

(Resolution 4) To balance it, I will only wear trisuit when I workout alone or with someone feel fine with it. I won’t post any picture on my social media with my frontal disgusting bulge than my back.

Since I have a 2nd instagram account – 3sgjeffery_2, I will post whether workout related there. If you manage to find my account and won’t be judgemental about it, then PM me.

Beside I do understand others just simply care for me, and hope I will stay away from unnecessary attention. Okay, I appreciate that. I will make that adjustment then.

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Stop Sharing anymore

I should stop sharing my personal problem with anyone anymore already… Due to my social awkwardness…. I can’t get into any clique, which we can share problems together, I just acted truthfully on the problems I faced… eventually…I realised not everyone will like to listen to it.

Not everyone is my friend.

To think again, have I ever heard that friend of mine shared their personal problems with me? Only true friends will share the weight of your problem. I guess just like my point 2, maybe my intention and immaturity got into the way… now my friends think that I am annoying…

(Resolution 5) Be selective and be approachable. I can’t blame others for not being friendly or hurting me before. Be forgiving and remember, enemies or acquaintance, are still my friends. Only share problems with those who really mean it. Even if I found such people, I should learn to be mature to handle problems on myself.

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Picking new skills and Do more workout

(Resolution 6) Nothing much here, since I need to improve, I shall learn a new skill like AfterEffect and third language like Japanese. :)

Will try to pump up the dumbbell too. Hmmmm it seems like there are a lot to pick up

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Hopefully, I can fulfill these 2017 resolutions.

Jeff