Personal - Fighting with Inner Demons

Hi Blog,

Last year March, I gave myself a No Fap Challenge (link) for 30 days and even though I did not manage to complete it for 30 days, the overall feeling was great. You may check my initial post first to find out why I wanted to try it.

In this post, I decided to try again. Last time, I failed because supposed to be no fap, basically, no self-stimulation but I just kept edging myself. Hopefully, this time around I will not do that. Fingers cross. While taking up this challenge, I also bumped into this whole exercise called, "No Nut November" aka Nofap month; to show moral support to those people who have Erectile Dysfunction.

Let me share with you, my honest experience of what I had gone through, so please don't judge me and my imagination...

8th Nov 2021 - NNN D1 - First day of NNN, let's start it by consuming nuts. Haha... Lame, anyway I realised that I kept getting hard while I jogged especially when I started to have wild imagination. Should be manageable.

9th Nov 2021 - NNN D2 - Second day was nothing and my mental was still strong, no issue to pass the night but very very challenging, when my wild imagination kicked in when I was alone. It seemed like, it is not because our bodies need, it is our mental + habitual which imposed a challenge to NNN.

10th Nov 2021 - NNN D3 - Third day still manageable and that will be my average day to hold the fortress. While looking out from the tower, I could see there are succubuses infiltrating... I started to worry...

11th Nov 2021 - NNN D4 - Went and watched Eternal, and there was some hot-making scene... The r'eaction' was fast and lucky, no one can see anything small in the dark theater.

12th Nov 2021 - NNN D5 - Since it was a No Nut November, I should restrain of touching myself... But it seemed very challenging especially at night...

13th Nov 2021 - NNN D6 - Went for a small hike to woodneuk (link) where wild imagination went "Over the top" and it was I summoned a succubus homed. Oh no...

14th Nov 2021 - NNN becomes NoCum D7 - Remembered that I mentioned of succubus? Oh man, forgot what No Nut Nov aka nofap, I almost gave in to this succubus. Cannot stay at home, went for another hike (Link) and attracted another succubus! 😱 I can die now... Even pre-xxm showed up... Torturing...

15th Nov 2021 - D8 - Lucky, those two succubuses were only active at night so I can have a calm and peaceful day work. Counting down.

16th Nov 2021 - D9 - Those two succubuses loved music, they started to find ways to break my NNN challenge. Come on, succubus ladies, just let me complete my challenge in peace... I will play music for you, not the best but at least something. They just sat there listening to my music piece quietly.

17th Nov 2021 - D10 - but what about those periods when there was no music? Tiring body, draining mind and flickering light in my soul... 20 days to go.

18th Nov 2021 - D11 - Lucky, my workplace was busy keeping me on the ground except at night time when the succubuses were trying to tempt.

19th Nov 2021 - D12 - The main idea was to divert the attention will help to get them away from my mind. Playing the piano really help.

20th Nov 2021 - D13 - Hiking in the wood, might get my wild imagination kicked in. Wood won't be the only thing I need to worry about when I was hiking with other people.

21st Nov 2021 - D14 - These nights of torturing by succubuses... lucky my feet is not their thing; if not, my toe infestation will not able to heal.

22nd Nov 2021 - D15 - Oh man, 15th day... and I was left alone trying to pack the screen on the stage... Can't help any... have to control.

23rd Nov 2021 - D16 - After a while, I realised the succubus is just a reflection of my urge. In the mirror, they were there waving at me.

24th Nov 2021 - D17 - I decided to draw the whole experience, and "trapped" them in the drawing. Will that be a good idea?

25th Nov 2021 - D18 - Okay... I learned that drawing them into real life, is a wrong move... because they started to take forms and got to know their names... Jill and Ivy. How to complete the challenge???

26th Nov 2021 - D19 - The day when I woke up, I noticed the two succubuses retreated and I felt at ease and relaxed... But to my surprise, they got their queen - Lolth, Spider Demon Queen, my most fearful inner demon to help... locked down my wild imagination and even when I went for a hike, I was just simply offered myself to them... (link) Can't stop imagining...

And that night, I lost to Lolth... She got me... I guessed that I had tried my best and my imagination got me. Maybe with the experience for my next challenge, I will start to discipline myself, not control myself by action but my mind.

But sweet sweet memories with Jill and Ivy.

Jeff