Hi Blog,
Looking back at my past, I realise how much of my struggles were shaped by what I didn’t receive when I was younger. I grew up without much affirmation from my parents or adults around me, and over time, I found myself silently craving it. That gap has followed me into adulthood, where I sometimes look to others to validate my efforts or worth. It isn’t about attention or recognition; it’s about a part of me that never had the chance to feel acknowledged.
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| What I’ve realised is that it’s not just about affirmation itself. It’s about the kind of affirmation that reaches me. |
I don’t need big, fancy words or people showering me with compliments. In fact, those things often feel cheap and empty to me. I don’t need to be in the spotlight or have the loudest applause; I never belonged on that stage. What I long for is sincerity. A smile that says, “I see what you did,” or someone describing in their own words that they understand what I’ve gone through—that means everything to me. It makes me feel that my effort and experience are not being overlooked. I don’t need more than that. A genuine response is all that's needed.
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| 1st Oct 2025 - I can’t believe that in just three more months, 2025 will be over. I keep asking myself: am I getting better than before, or am I still the same — or even worse? Right now, I feel kind of numb, maybe even resentful, as if I’ve stopped caring. No hope, no expectations… It makes me wonder if something inside me is slowly fading. But perhaps this is just a season — a reminder that I need to pause, breathe, and walk again, rather than a sign of giving up. |
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| 3rd Oct 2025 - I am having a simple catch-up session with M. Thanks for treating me again and looking after my sister. Hope the thing that we anticipate won't happen. |
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| 4th Oct 2025 - Today was my second time being invited to celebrate Children’s Day at the Institute of Mental Health. Last year, I wore my new and final costume — the Avengers Quantum Suit (blog link) — but I couldn’t last long and had to leave halfway. I was so disappointed back then. This year, I came prepared as my usual character and managed to stay through the whole party. Still, I felt rather sad for the ward… many of them were there because they no longer have family members or anyone to care for them. Some are even under a “Do Not Resuscitate” status — meaning if anything happens, there’s no one left to decide for them. We, including all the volunteers, were there to cheer them up. Because I’m short-sighted, I couldn’t clearly see their expressions — maybe that’s a blessing, as I think I would have felt even heavier if I could. All I could do was take photos with them, even though they might not have anyone to show them to. It’s a simple gesture… but perhaps, for that moment, they knew someone still cared. |
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| 5th Oct 2025 - I can’t believe I had to cosplay again the very next day! Luckily, I still had one spare costume ready for today’s event — a short and easy one, just enough to lighten my emotions after yesterday. |
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| 6th Oct 2025 - Something bad happened today — I slipped and fell flat in the toilet by the swimming pool, landing hard on my tailbone. It all happened so suddenly that I didn’t even have time to react. Thankfully, my backpack took the hit and probably saved me from a nasty head injury. For a moment, my legs went numb, and I just sat there in shock, trying to process what happened. Later, I noticed my camera tripod had snapped too — a small reminder of how fragile things can be in just one second. This isn’t the first time I’ve slipped on wet floors — it has happened a few times at home as well. I’ve read about how such falls can lead to serious injuries, especially for the elderly, and it really hit me how easily life can change from a simple accident. I guess I need to be more mindful and wipe away any water whenever I see it — not just for myself, but to keep others safe too |
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| 7th Oct 2025 - My tailbone still hurts a little, but it didn’t stop me from swimming. Funny enough, I feel perfectly fine in the water — it’s only when I start jogging that the soreness returns. Still, I’m thankful it wasn’t worse. I’ll take it as a gentle warning from Heaven to slow down a bit and be more careful. Healing takes time, but I’ll get there. |
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| 8th Oct 2025 (Part 1) - Today I wanted to test if my tailbone would still bother me while jogging, so I went for a light run. To my relief, it didn’t hurt at all. Thank Heaven — it feels like I’ve truly recovered. I didn’t realise how much I missed that simple feeling of running freely until now. |
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| 8th Oct 2025 (Part 2) - Later in the evening, M asked me out for dinner rather suddenly. She wanted to try a new vegetarian spot, and honestly, I didn’t mind — I’ve been craving a good burger for months. Ever since coming back from Melbourne, that craving’s been sitting quietly in my head. So when we found NomVnom, a place that serves vegetarian burgers, I was thrilled. The burger hit the spot — juicy, flavourful, and comforting in its own way. I think I’ll be returning soon. |
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| 8th Oct 2025 (Part 3) - After dinner, M went out of her way to help me meet a seller who was offering his PS5 VR2 set at a bargain. She even called a Grab so we could make it in time and insisted on sending me home afterwards. I was honestly touched by her thoughtfulness. And just like that — one of my wishlist dreams finally came true. I’m now a proud owner of a VR set! |
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| 10th Oct 2025 (Part 1) - I had my medical appointment today, but since it wasn’t until late morning, I thought I’d sneak in a quick swim at my old regular pool. The moment I stepped in, memories came rushing back — the calm water, the familiar sounds, even the light that reflected across the surface. I really missed this place. T, who manages his own schedule, joined me for a short swim. I thought we could relax and suntan after, but I completely miscalculated my timing. Before I knew it, I had to rush off for my medical appointment. Our swim and suntan ended much shorter than expected — a reminder that sometimes, time slips faster than we think. |
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| 10th Oct 2025 (Part 2) - At the appointment, I found out I’ve put on some weight. It honestly stung a little. I knew my tummy had been growing, but hearing it confirmed made it harder to ignore. I guess it’s a wake-up call — time to cut back on snacks and drink more water instead. I’ll start with that once I finish what’s left of my current stash. Small steps first. |
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| 10th Oct 2025 (Part 3) - In the evening, a big group of our Taiwanese friends arrived in Singapore for the first time, and our team took them around the city. I decided to see Singapore through their eyes — like a tourist for once. We took a boat along the Singapore River, and it was surprisingly refreshing to view the city from the water. The skyline, the Merlion, and Marina Bay Sands looked different — almost magical, like rediscovering home from a new perspective. It reminded me that sometimes, we forget to appreciate the beauty that’s right around us. Thank you, Team, for making this simple day feel like a new adventure. |
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| 11th Oct 2025 - Day two of hosting our Taiwanese friends — today’s focus was on exploring Singapore’s history and culture. Strangely, even as a Singaporean, many of these places were new to me. It felt like I was rediscovering my own country through their eyes. We visited the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple, Fort Canning Heritage Gallery, and the Peranakan Museum. Each place held a quiet story — a piece of the island I had never really taken the time to appreciate. Upon reflection, I realised why I had never visited these places on my own. Most of my friends aren’t very interested in cultural spots, and I’m often busy exploring other unknown areas. Deep down, I think I wanted to save these experiences for someone special — maybe for a date someday which won't happen. I also didn’t take many photos with the group today. I just didn’t feel good about how I looked — I guess my insecurities started to kick in, and instead of setting up a tripod and timer, I just helped to snap quickly, which would’ve improved the photography experience. |
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| 12th Oct 2025 - On our third day, the atmosphere felt warm and lively. Our local team put together a performance and a welcome ceremony for our Taiwanese friends, filling the room with laughter and applause. Afterwards, we brought them to visit our future site. Standing there, they said they’d love to return once the building is completed — and I could almost imagine that day already, when we’ll all meet again and see how far things have come. |
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| 13th Oct 2025 - Today, I didn’t join our Taiwanese friends because I needed to return to work. More importantly, I wanted to get some light sticks from Daiso, so I went for a quick jog to another town. Somehow, my mind kept criticising me for being fat — my round tummy really bothered me. Still, I tried to shake off those negative thoughts and stay focused on what I could do instead. |
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| 14th Oct 2025 (Part 1) - I took leave to spend the fifth day with our Taiwanese friends. I was in charge of today’s programme, and I planned a trip to Sentosa. There were quite a few hiccups along the way, but I managed to make it happen. I’m really thankful for our team members’ help and for our Taiwanese friends, who were cooperative, patient, and cheerful throughout. It was my first time visiting the Oceanarium (formerly the SEA Aquarium). I didn’t take many photos because I wanted to stay focused on making sure no one got left behind. What a beautiful place to visit — peaceful and full of wonder. |
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| 14th Oct 2025 (Part 2) - At night, we welcomed our Taiwanese friends for a group sharing session. It had only been a few short days together, yet it felt like we’d known each other for years. I guess that’s what happens when people open up and truly connect from the heart. I felt touched seeing how appreciative they were of the effort we put in and the time we shared. Hopefully, one day, I’ll get the chance to visit Taiwan and meet them again. Have a safe trip back, everyone. |
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| 16th Oct 2025 - It’s been more than a year since I decided to go for Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) hair removal (read more here) — first my underarms, then my beard. I never thought such a small choice could become part of my self-care journey. Maybe it’s not just about looking neat and clean; it’s also about feeling comfortable in my own skin. I’m truly thankful to YK for being there through the ups and downs. When Fabulous Aesthetics suddenly closed, it caught us all off guard. Many of us hadn’t finished our packages, and I honestly felt quite disappointed. But YK’s decision to start JJ Aesthetics (location) — with a newer machine and fairer rates — really showed heart. Thanks to that, I could continue what I started without giving up halfway. Now my beard is almost completely smooth — about 95%! It feels nice to see progress, not just physically, but mentally too. I’ve even encouraged two friends to try IPL after seeing how it worked for me. It’s funny how something that began as a simple grooming choice turned into a small reminder that change takes patience — and sometimes, a bit of courage. Here’s to staying clean — inside and out. |
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| 17th Oct 2025 - Finally, I managed to go for a short swim today. I haven’t been snacking much lately, but I still feel fat somehow… Still, I can sense that the feeling doesn’t hit me as hard as before — it doesn’t stick around for too long. Yes, it still hurts, but not as lasting or deep. Maybe I’ve started to care less and just move on. Maybe it’s not that the insecurity is gone, but I’ve learned to stop wrestling with it. I just let it pass. I still hope to be braver — to face myself, to accept what I see — but for now, I’m proud that I can keep swimming, keep moving forward, even with all these quiet waves inside me. |
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| 21st Oct 2025 - I spent the morning swimming, but my mind wasn’t in the water — it was already running through my upcoming presentation. Every stroke, every breath, I was rehearsing the flow in my head. But when the actual rehearsal came, everything tangled up. My thoughts were racing ahead, my brain lagged behind, and my mouth couldn’t catch the rhythm. It’s frustrating — knowing exactly what you want to say but not being able to deliver it smoothly. Still, I’ll take this as practice. I just hope that on Sunday, I can find that calm rhythm. |
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| 24th Oct 2025 - Thank God for Friday — the kind of day that already feels lighter. I almost went for a swim, but something told me to jog instead. My mother called and asked me to join her and my sister to try some coffee, as my sister was considering getting a coffee machine for her business. Since it wasn’t far, I jogged over. Somehow, I felt quite comfortable walking into the company in my trisuit to try the coffee and later walking around with my mother at the interchange. No one seemed to care or even notice me — maybe because I’m not handsome enough for anyone to pay attention. Maybe that’s the quiet comfort of being ordinary: to exist freely, without the pressure of being noticed. |
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| 28th Oct 2025 - Sigh... Lately, I’ve been feeling heavier — not just in weight, but in spirit. It’s discouraging to see myself change, to feel that age has a way of amplifying what I already dislike. Even when I put on my swim trunks, I feel like I’m embarrassing them... as if they deserve someone better to wear them. People always say, “Be proud of who you are.” But pride feels far away when you can’t even face your own reflection. Maybe I’m just one of those invisible souls — not special, not strong, just trying to exist quietly while others seem to glow effortlessly with confidence. Anyway... I think I’ll throw these trunks away after today. No more. |
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| 29th Oct 2025 - Yesterday pulled me down, but today, I rose again — quietly, stubbornly. I went out for a jog, not because I felt strong, but because I refused to stay stuck... Sometimes I wish I had more — money to afford a gym membership, more time after work without all my commitments... But I know I can't let myself sink into negativity... I’ll jog, swim, or do whatever it takes to stay afloat. |
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| 30th Oct 2025 (Part 1) -The swimming pool was really crowded today, especially with families bringing their kids. I even noticed that one of the children was a student from my workplace. I didn’t take many photos this time — and honestly, I don’t have a “demigod” body that makes anyone stop and admire. When I stepped out of the pool, I could sense the looks; as expected, even the parents probably thought I was wearing underwear instead of swimwear. Sometimes I wish I had a better body — one that could change people’s comments from “disgusting underwear” to “wow, great physique.” |
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| 30th Oct 2025 (Part 2) - I ran a small Kokedama-making demo with a few friends, preparing them to help with the actual workshop. Everyone seemed happy to receive their first Kokedama, and I felt quite pleased seeing their smiles. Maybe next time, I could run one with my colleagues too — if I can get the slides ready in time. |
I guess what I’m really learning is that affirmation isn’t about being praised loudly but about being understood deeply. For some, words are enough; for me, sincerity and understanding matter more. I may still wrestle with the longing that was planted in me years ago, but I now know that the best affirmation doesn’t always come from others — it also comes from me when I allow myself to see my own worth and honour my own path.
Jeff
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👍 😄💪😍👏
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