Personal - Identify My Trigger Points

Good Morning Blog,

Due to some changes with some arrangements on Sunday, I had the morning slot available for myself. I decided to take my waifu out and time for myself, and learned to reflect my trigger points. Instead of it is a Cycling post, it turns out a boring personal post.

Pump some air for my waifu as I need to find a quiet place

Hmmm... Should I go for tubeless? hmmm... if I do, I need to ride more often. Oh well, let's pump her up.

Since I was riding alone today, I need to think where and what I should be doing then... Undecided... My reflection was going to start.

My waifu felt energetic and keep on calling me to go now.

Okay! my waifu. Sorry to keep you waiting. Let's go!

some random of my ugly shots.

While I cycled, I started to have some reflection for feeling lousy with myself. Every time there are well-doing people passed by me, I will feel so bad and demotivated... (some people got sick and wondering why and how come I will get effected by such situation which most people will have got over it easily already. That is also one trigger point why I don't have confident or feel positive about myself too) Anyway I am still learning to identify what is my trigger point So I can manage and balance myself by some self-talking to self-heal.

After a while, I had reached to my quiet place again. Let my waifu rest here.

Beautiful scenery as always, which always calm myself down with whatever trigger points

To check and categorise my trigger points. I managed to identify three main types (ignore those minor types because it can be resolved easily) so what are the three main types of my trigger points?

Three types: (1) Not Good Enough. (2) Poisoning Quotes (3) People try to damage-control to my feeling and hide their true standard/liking

To break down and self-found solution, you can skip it if you don't wish to read my nonsense -

1) Not Good Enough.

Honestly... I tried... but always can't meet the so-called standard in society. I can remember my first one is my English language. I know I score badly for my English; basically FAILED. Can you imagine that I got the highest score for my close passage - 3/20. I have never passed my close passage at all and not to know how much I score for the rest of my English tests. While others just do it easily... I have zero clue how to handle it... Put in, on, at or whatever... Even writing my blog post, I will have problems, expressing how I feel or use the right preposition/verbs etc... But I tried my best on other subjects like Math and Science. I got A1 for those two subjects! But reality slapped hard, I still failed... because of my English. The feeling of Not-Good-Enough is strong... Everyone will try to tell me to TRY/WORK HARDER.

But you still continued to fail...

Same situation-formula applied to many other life aspects too - getting into relationships, getting a job, trying to stay healthy, trying to look confident, my size or whatever... I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH... Especially... some bad incidents happened in my life... which caused some depression...

So many successful, well-doing, good-looking and buffed guys (I can't compare myself to girls) passed by me especially those who has a GF beside them, will create a tsunami in my mind... and slapped myself back to the shore where I failed...

I recognised this Not-Good-Enough triggered from Comparison. If there is someone like me, I will consult myself, "there, there. It is tough and Heaven knows. Be proud of yourself because you still trying to do something. As long as you get better than yourself of yesterday, you are good." Comparing will never end, even when we are there; we will continue to compare and feel not good enough. Even a superstar will feel themselves not good enough. So I should start to work myself innerly than going for things which won't last long. Nothing is precious when you can glow inside out than looking shiny by reflecting the light from outside.

Breathe in and out. Let go and find the inner peace in me

2) Poisoning Quotes
Some people just have better luck or I must say is fated. Can get something easily while some people will need to work hard for it. Like example, having a GF. Even the average joe got a GF... And me? Single until now... Those average joe can tell me it is easy and lesser effort input to get a GF; that sentence will only pxss me off... That implies that I am worst than average... To make thing worst, people who got whatever, will throw you a quote like adding salt onto your wound!

Quote examples:

1. Life feels so complete when we're together.
2. You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete.
3. It takes millions of people to complete the world, but it only takes you to complete mine.
4. My life is complete because of you.

As you can see... the word is Complete. I feel so incomplete... As my first trigger started, usually the second one will leave a deep damage on myself; I don't get to feel the completeness at all like I don't have a foundation to stand up straight...

The second trigger point comes from Jealousy. I must admit... I really wish to have a loving GF who will appreciate who I am but reality slaps hard. But I learned... Quotation is made as an expression from an individual, which does not represent or applicable everything or every person.

So to fight poisoning quotation, I must need a stronger and higher level quotations to heal myself.

Healing Quotes:

1. Life is about moving on, accepting changes and looking forward to what makes you stronger and more complete.
2. You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you completely.
3. Determine what motivates you and you can find your path to love, happiness and influence and that which you seek to make your life complete. ~Louis Howard
4. Never search your happiness in others. It will make you feel alone. Search it in yourself and you will feel happy even when left alone. ~ Buddha
5. People who are attracted to your pretty face or nice body won't be by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.

I love one quote from Buddha, "If you can stay positive in a negative situation, you win." What a consoling word. Perhaps I should take this chance to learn to be independent, self-love, self-motivated, stay contented, positive and happy.

Finding inner peace and a sense of happiness from within, are an inexpressible experience.

3) People try to damage-control to my feeling and hide their true standard/liking

The third one is actually less damaging because I know others are trying to be nice. Perhaps I don't like Hypocrite...

Some people who has whatever goodness in them, but they just don't want to hurt you with the truth. Like example of telling me that I am GREAT/HANDSOME etc etc! Look, people. I am not that GREAT. Just don't make me think that I am special. Please control your words. I don't take flattering well. Many people who tried to flatter me, ALWAYS have a hidden agenda but the only trigger one is those who do damage control.

Example, this girl loves young, hunky and handsome guys. I know which girl doesn't like? Even Aunties like those. Then that girl knows that I am "sensitive", low in confident, trying to talk me out, and commented, "you are always handsome yourself, I bet many girls will like to know you more."

"Look! Lady. You barely know me. I am not that handsome and no girl likes to know me." I felt demotivated...

"No! Jeff. I believe that you are great." She said, "Come on, not all girls will go for good looking guys."

I just gave her the meh-face because she is crazy over handsome Korean actors, likes those guys who flaunt their six packs, and has a good looking BF. Seriously... After I told her that your words are not synced.

She justified herself, "I am just Like, not Love. I will Love to have a BF like your type but that doesn't mean I can't like whatever I like."

Please... Lady... Just stay away from my life. As an INFJ, I can sense bullshxt. I don't mind to engage conversation with you but it will only make me feel worse.

In general, my third trigger point comes from Dislike Hypocrisy. For me, I reflected myself. I do damage-control too but I will not pretend to be what I like. Perhaps... Hypocrisy will only blind or self-hallucination... I will only treat this as a reminder for myself, not to be one of them.

Thank you Nature for healing me indirectly. The self-talk helps.

Thanks Nature.

When Nature gave us this...

I just helped to decorate and appreciate its beauty, learn the BEST of it than crying over or demands the desired outcome.

what a well-spent Self-talk reflection. At least, organised and recognised my own flaws, is good and easy to rectify in future.

Jeff