Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been tangled up in some heavy thoughts about confidence, self-worth, and where I stand in the eyes of society. People often say things like “just be confident”, “ignore the negativity”, or “you’re enough as you are.” These words are kind, but I find myself wondering… does it really work that way? Especially in a world that clearly puts certain people — the good-looking, the successful, and the naturally charismatic — on pedestals. The rest of us? We’re left either trying to catch up or slowly disappearing into the background.

Maybe it’s not about how others rank me but how I choose to respond to the rankings I see. I’ve observed two kinds of people who are completely confident in themselves, but in ways that made me think. One ignores all advice, even if it’s meant to help, and the other shines so brightly in the public eye that they no longer feel the need to reflect on their flaws.

Both seem powerful on the outside, but something inside me wonders if that kind of unchecked self-belief might lead to blindness. I, on the other hand, still take in what people say — good or bad. Sometimes it stings, but I try to use it to understand, not to hate. I don’t want to shut my heart just to look strong. Yet, this openness makes others think I’m weak or stubborn for not discarding the “noise”. It’s confusing… But I now realise confidence doesn’t mean rejecting every voice. It means choosing carefully what to keep and what to let go — and doing it with intention, not pride.

1st Aug 2025 - I returned to the doctor today to follow up on my mumps after five days of rest at home. Honestly, I didn’t need to go back for a check-up—I already knew I’d recovered. But I used the chance to quietly return to school, just to help with the iPad setup for the upcoming teaching and learning deployment... and then had a quick swim nearby! I wished I could have stayed longer in the pool, but it was safer to keep it short and leave before anyone noticed I was out during medical leave. What a small world, though—I ended up bumping into someone I know, and he was just casually swimming there for hours. Talk about timing!

2nd Aug 2025 - Thank goodness I’d recovered from the mumps in time to attend ScapeSG and help out with PFACSG. Even though the event wasn’t exactly aligned with PFACSG’s usual objectives, I still wanted to show up—in my GUTS team costume! I doubt many people recognised the character, but for me, it’s more about expressing what I love… or maybe even who I wish I could be. Sadly, the event felt a little quiet, as most of the cosplay crowd had gathered elsewhere, like AFA. Still, the highlight was getting to meet a well-known cosplayer in person—famous for her stunning Pyramid Head (lady version) costume! She’s often invited on stage, and honestly, her outfit was amazing. I don’t expect that kind of spotlight for someone like me, but it was such a nice surprise when she let me try out one of her props. Big thanks to PFACSG too, for gifting me a custom Lego figure of myself as a captain—it was such a thoughtful token. And bonus—I got to bring home a whole range of Monster Energy drinks I’ve never tried before!

3rd Aug 2025 - Trisuit Theme #113
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4th Aug 2025 - Smiles outside, sorting it out inside. Thanks to my department team for the small and simple birthday celebration for me and MZ. Even though I felt a little like an outcast, I still appreciated the gesture. Some feelings linger, but I’ll manage them on my own. Gratitude first, always.

5th Aug 2025 - I just wanted a quick swim today, but the pool’s been getting more and more crowded lately... It’s getting harder to enjoy peacefully. Unlike some confident “demigods” at the pool, they can snap pictures of themselves without the fear of judgement; I can’t just snap many pictures in front of everyone. I hope this crowd situation fades soon...

6th Aug 2025 - The swimming pool crowd is really getting out of hand lately. I asked the lifeguard, and apparently, this has been going on for a while. Turns out, the nearby SAFRA swimming pool is under upgrading works from 15 July to 14 September—now it makes sense why everyone's flooding in here! When the pool turns into a water parade... just swim through it.

9th Aug 2025 - On National Day, EK and I chose to reconnect with my friends from Ipoh. EK was joined by his sister, HQ, and his niece, XR, whom I had not seen in quite some time. It was just a simple stay and great home visits to their families.

11th Aug 2025 - Fell into an Otter’s World
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12th Aug 2025 - As I mentioned before, the nearby SAFRA swimming pool is undergoing upgrading works, which has led many swimmers to flock here. Today was no exception — the pool was packed. I felt so turned off that I skipped swimming altogether and went on with my after-work programme instead. Some days, the crowd just makes it hard to enjoy the water.

13th Aug 2025 - Even though the pool was still crowded, I realised I could still enjoy a short swim. I didn’t take many photos — not like I have a “demigod” physique anyway — but that’s okay. My body may not be perfect, yet swimming still makes me feel lighter and calmer. Sometimes it’s not about looking good in pictures but feeling good in my own skin, even if just for a while.

14th Aug 2025 – I planned to go for a jog today but came home late, and the weather was gloomy. What weighed on me more, though, was an experience at work. I tried to share my thought process openly with my colleagues, hoping to spark reflection about how we can deal with difficult people in a neutral and non-judgemental way. To test this out, I played the “difficult person” role to see how others might react. It didn’t land the way I intended — instead, some saw me as manipulative or negative. I realised that my honesty and curiosity can sometimes backfire. Still, I don’t regret trying. I believe each attempt, even if misunderstood, teaches me more about myself and how I can grow.

15th Aug 2025 – Oooo! Today the pool wasn’t too crowded, and there were enough lanes for everyone. Even though “fat me” feels like I take up a lot of space, I just told myself, "Quick swim, enjoy, and done!"

15th Aug 2025 – Gathered some friends from my circle to watch the popular anime movie Demon Slayer. Since a few of our birthdays (including mine) just passed or are coming soon, I decided to throw a little celebration with the legendary sushi cake. Dinner, catching up, and a movie together — what a wonderful night. Feeling blessed.

16th Aug 2025 – I had planned to go exploring, but the gloomy weather dampened my spirits. Fortunately, ZN invited me to help with his company’s hiking competition, and BP decided to tag along. We ended up trekking a long distance through Bukit Timah, Rifle Range, and Dairy Farm. In the end, I was grateful for the overcast skies—so much better than hiking under the blazing sun! Along the way, we spotted some incredible animals and captured photos of them.

17th Aug 2025 - Revisit Nee Soon House
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19th Aug 2025 – The swimming pool crowd was manageable today, though many families brought their kids along. It's best to avoid taking photos, especially selfies, as it can easily be misunderstood and put others on high alert. A gentle reminder for myself to stay mindful and considerate – a blessing.

20th Aug 2025 – Met EK and JH, my friends of over 30 years, to celebrate JH’s birthday. As JH shared about his job changes, I was shocked by the dark side of office politics—favouritism often outweighs true skill or knowledge and many more issues like misuse of company funds for questionable “entertainment”. Hearing all this, I felt grateful to be free from such chaos. People may urge me to leave my comfort zone to “face the real world” and for higher pay, but I’d rather stay in my safe zone with less money but greater peace of mind. Protecting my mental wellbeing is worth more than being caught in such darkness – a blessing.

21st Aug 2025 – I’ve always struggled with spelling, and sometimes I wonder if it’s dyslexia. People often think I’m making excuses, but here’s how my brain works. Today, while helping a student with a nosebleed, I had to write a report. In my mind, I was thinking “nosebleed”, but on paper I wrote “bloodbleed”. The strange thing is, I didn’t even notice — my brain still read it as “nosebleed”. It became a small office joke, but for me it’s also a reminder that my challenges with words are real. It’s not about being careless; it’s just how my mind processes things.

22nd Aug 2025 – I finally managed to go for a jog today. My tummy felt bloated and gassy, making every step uncomfortable, almost like carrying an extra weight. Still, I kept moving forward and reminded myself that not every run has to be perfect. What matters is that I showed up, pushed through the discomfort, and let the sweat remind me of my effort.

25th Aug 2025 - I’ve been requesting ChatGPT to create Ghibli anime-style portraits of me. While some results turned out amazing, others made me look either awkward or overly handsome, like the image on the left. To fix this, I had ChatGPT standardise my design by showing it the styles I preferred (the image on the right). Now, I have my very own personalised cartoon style!

26th Aug 2025 - The weather was perfect for swimming, but I’d only go if I had an after-work programme or meeting. So, I went for a short jog instead. Fewer people, just me and mother nature. A hiker did catch me snapping a photo and stared – maybe judged – but I didn’t care. It was a good jog for me.

27th Aug 2025 - The weather was perfect for a swim, but the pool was too crowded. I didn’t snap anything, not wanting to make families or those “demigod swimmers” uncomfortable, thinking that I was pointing my camera at them. Honestly, I really miss being at a beautiful beach, just chilling. While I was having my evening swim, my mother called in a panic — my sister’s heart had suddenly gone into rapid beats due to an electrical misfiring, which made it irregular and left her gasping for breath. (supraventricular tachycardia (SVT)) My mother was by her side, just as worried, so she quickly asked me to rush down. In my haste, I ended up at the wrong hospital because of some confusion. After all the drama, thankfully, my sister was discharged and safe. The whole experience reminded me how fragile life is, and how we should use this short journey not just for enjoyment, but to truly understand ourselves.

28th Aug 2025 - I picked up another trilobite pendant – this time in brass and oxidised silver for daily wear. The gold version feels too precious, and my current gold-plated tree pendant is already showing signs of wear. People often wonder why I spend money on “cheap pendants” or even why I bother wearing them. For me, an accessory is like a small decoration on the otherwise plain canvas of the human body – mine feels fat and oily, unless I had six-packs to count as “armour.” than an accessory. Since I can only wear one or two pieces at a time, I choose ones that feel meaningful. The trilobite might seem like an odd choice – almost like wearing an insect – but I love its design. The way its joints are crafted makes it look alive, flexible, almost breathing. To me, that makes it worth wearing.

29th Aug 2025 - While I was changing down for a quick swim, I accidentally stepped on a small nail. Oh my! Luckily, it didn’t pierce into my bare foot, and I was the one who discovered it — otherwise, someone else might have been injured. Thankfully, the crowd was smaller today, which gave me the freedom to take photos without much disturbance. Of course, there were a few moments when some “demigods” around seemed uncomfortable with me walking about with a camera. Well… I suppose an untoned, chubby guy like me just an eyesore to them.

30th Aug 2025 - Today, my elder brother invited my aunties and mother to Sembawang Hot Spring for their very first visit. Big thanks to SF for fetching one of my aunties there too. Oh my, I can’t believe how the place isn’t as crowded as I had imagined! It’s such a perfect spot to relax by soaking your feet in the hot spring water… though honestly, I couldn’t take the heat. My goal was simple — a good hot spring soft-boiled egg!

30th Aug 2025 - Later in the day, I headed to Yishun Northpoint to help out at BMDP as Captain, together with Ronnie. It was a nice surprise bumping into some friends — Suf and Andy. Suf even dropped by after his gym session. With the time and effort he puts in, he’ll definitely look more superhero than me! By the end of it all, I was so tired that I just kept my costume on and took public transport home.

I may not have elite genes or a shining presence, but I’m learning to embrace this grounded version of myself, not by being loud, but by staying true to myself. Maybe confidence isn’t about becoming untouchable — maybe it’s about remaining teachable, without losing yourself. This August, I choose to walk this middle path — where growth and gentleness meet. More to come.

Jeff