Cycling - Eased my Anger

Hi Blog,

It will be a short post. Today I just wanted to find a ME-Time to ease myself from triggered yesterday... Since ZN wanted to join me, I shall bring him around.

Trying to smile and cycle to my new quiet place. Wearing red to heal.

Yes, Blog? What had happened? I shall share with you later. Need to let go of my steam...

Thanks Mr Sun for warming the cockle in my heart by removing all the moody clouds from Miss Sky.

After meeting ZN, it had been a while since we met. :) having a GF, lifestyle will change and occupy. I shall not pour my stupid issue with him but to focus on letting him enjoy the beautiful scenery of Upper Seletar.

I asked ZN to go and jog around this park while I took this time to revise myself.

Yesterday I was chatting with a group of friends. They started to mock at me and told me to go and like some random guys. I just started to explain that I am straight even though I am not desirable for girls and not the keeper, not boyfriend/husband material, etc etc. Shy in front of girls if they got closer to me or show any interest on me. Single until now, is not what I want but what to do when I can't extrovert and pretend to become a confident shxt.

Anyway... They started to force me to stop the denial and trying to ensure that they will understand and okay of me being homosexual, but they hate people trying to pretend to be straight. Honestly, I was suffocated and frustrated on explanation! I exited that group totally. To put more salt on the wound, some other people just simply triggered similar dialogue onto me unintentionally on that same night... REALLY PIXX me off!

After a moment of thought... I can't say that I have calmed down but just resigned to the situation... I have NO right or whatever to stop others to think of me... The statue I am in, the hobbies which I like, the attire/fashion sense I am into, the white I love, and the desirable level for the opposite sex... I have no power towards it...

Deep in me... I do wish there is some girl can warm the cockles in my hermit-heart... Sadly... as a guy, we need to smooth/sweet-talk her and make her feel you are a worthy sailor to go for her; if not, she will take you a freaky shxtty random pig... Don't have wealth, aesthetic, genes, height to make myself worthy...

Feeling like crying... just by sitting down there... Breathe in... and out... ZN had done jogging. Need to recover. Thanks blog for listening to me. I guess only you understand me without any judgement and be my side.

Thumb up to Rocket Tower

This Rocket Tower told me something else. It has been standing here watching many couples, singles, newly-web, families climbing up the stairs, taking pictures of it, and seeing many sun rise and set... Who will ever remember it or have a second tower to accompany it?

It just reminds me of this Lava Video, even though the ending is for the general public's taste than a sad ending. I guess my hope is to see others get together and completed theirs. I hope there will be lesser and lesser people have to go through what I have to face. That's my hope.

When I learn to "couple" with my loneliness (myself) then I will not feel lonely anymore.

I need to know Living life to the fullness, should be the primary aim of my life. I need to remember this, it always greener at the opposite side of the bank.

Since I was given such life homework, I shall live myself positively.

By thinking that way, at least I won't appear like a sore loser as what those girls think of me. I should let them realised, covering a book by its cover is a superficial mindset and I need to see beyond the challenge that I have,

Oops! So sorry to bore you. I am just ranting... I feel okay now. :) I shall ride back home. Thanks ZN accompanying me.

Jeff