Hiking - Irresponsible Person

Hi Blog,

Today I decided to pull myself out from laziness and bad feeling towards myself... Yes, I decided to go for a hike... I just wanted to go out to air myself as a selfish and irresponsible person which I got labelled for.

Due to last night around 2am, there was some mystery person pmed me. I don't know who is that person... I replied that person as sincere as I can, as I know this will be a one-time chat. Oh well... I woke up later for the hike today... Carrying bad aura with me...

Moody sky told me that Today Mr Sun decided to follow Circuit Breaker Mode too, to hide at home.

Working from home for these days, my beard started to grow like wild grass. Time to shave it, great feel touching my chin; from rough to smooth

Tidying my heavy mood and it was around 1030am (kind of late for my usual hiking) but lucky, it was not sunny.

Trying to smile before...

I wore a mask

Today was Sunday but it was too quiet for the weekend.

Getting ready for a hike started

Selfie with a mask - Pun intended in my blog post

Carrying my heavy mood... Looking at the scenery and feeling kind of lonely

I won't need to express what had happened to me... I just learned more about myself, as an INFJ.

Here is a sharing from Quora by Juanita Agboola (link)
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It is common to INFJ people to have this experience.

Let's see how stress works for this type of personality: INFJ Stress

What stresses out an INFJ:
– Having to focus too much on sensory/concrete details
– An overload of sensory stimulation or noise
– Interruptions
– Distress within a close relationship
– Having their values violated
– Not enough alone time. Too much extraverting.
– Working with closed-minded people
– Lack of appreciation or understanding
– Unfamiliar environments with overwhelming amounts of details
– Having plans disrupted
– Not having a clear direction
– Lack of harmony
– Criticism and conflict
– Not being able to use their intuition or envision the future
– Having to focus too much on the present

When under stress, the INFJ feels fragmented or lost. They feel like they can’t be themselves, and feel an urge to act a part to “survive” or fit in This disassociation can cause physical symptoms for the INFJ, like headaches, IBS, or nausea. The repressed feelings they’re holding onto can cause them to become immobilized. If they are under chronic extreme stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function, extraverted sensing. When this happens, they may engage in indulgent, self-destructive habits like binge-eating, watching too much television, over-exercising, or drinking too much. This often feels like an out-of-body experience to them. What they do provides no pleasure, but feels somewhat robotic and out of control. After this occurs, they dwell in self-hatred, falling even more into guilt over what they’ve done. They may become uncharacteristically angry and quick-tempered, unreasonable, and irrational. They may become obsessed with details in their outer world; obsessively cleaning or doing housework. They stumble over their words, and their intense feelings may eventually lead them to a state of complete exhaustion.
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I will just bold some of the conditions and emotions (bad aura) which I carried along during this CB.

Me walking into the wood to heal

Basically... I was told for being a selfish person during this CB mode... why am I still going out for jogging and whatever? Why can't I understand what is the current situation? I might get virus somewhere or I spread virus to others... "SELFISH! IRRESPONSIBLE! CHILDISH Person you are!"

A few vehicles on a lonely road to remind me of something

That was just one or two things which I displeased with myself... there were more things happened during these days... I really feel suffocated...

While I was doing some cleaning within myself, I found some fun-guys growing during this semi-raining season.

Check out the Fairy Rings! There were a lot of them. You can click on my ever first beautiful Fairy Ring here.

They looked like rather dry though

Found one beautiful circle of Fairy Ring, small but rewarding.

A sight of Fairy Ring showed up while I started my reflection upon my heavy emotion, this seemed to be a positive sign which injected into my soul. Something which took some negativity away from me.

I revisited my another quiet place, wanted to see how a CB weekend be

Hmm... they blocked the main source of the traffic...

at the Upper Seletar! That meant... This place will be NICE AND QUIET! YIPPEE! Let's go on my Rocket Tower ship and leave this world!

Oh Dear... It was blocked and supervised by camera.

But I just love how quiet this place is. :3 Just calm down my mind.

I should explore this path but I have other plan for today.

Since there was no one around this park. I can step my foot at this popular spot for newly web couples.  And since I am foreveralone... It will be a spot for me and that tree today. Perfect spot to dress up as Spidey! :D I should visit this place during evening time since CB mode will have lesser visitor.

How nice if the sky is blue and it will be a perfect shot but I should embrace the outcome.

Usually this deck will have visitors and today...

was perfect to explore here during the CB mode.

Time to explore further as usual along this quiet pavement and see how far I can go.

Once I left the Upper Seletar, my negativity started to leak back... those voices started to scream and blame me again. Somehow I am just feel numb...

I must say... Whatever decision we made, even if it is good, there will bound to be some people shine different light or attitude towards my so-called-good/ok decision. I guess I have to learn to accept every possible outcome as I am still expectation which triggered my negativity. So fault is still on me.

Like this for example. I wanted to take a picture of the monkey families in a distance when hiking, but my phone received a message (vibrate tone) and distorted the outcome. Earthquake shot! Hahaha!

I learned that there is nothing wrong having a good thought and in order for the good thought to execute well, it requires right moment, place and people. If there is any mishaps with one requirement, it will distort the truth. Same rule applied when I applied my own perception towards other people's kindness towards me. Example like today, people throw nasty remarks on my personality on how I react towards current pandemic and regulations. Because there are people who abuse it and want to challenge the system, created an unhealthy perspective towards them. (like joggers jog without putting on a mask) To them, they are just worrying for me to become the one who got the virus and worst, spread the virus to others. They are just being mean to ensure my safety despite they chose to make it into a one-way communication.

I should appreciate those thought and do I follow their advice? Seemed like I didn't but I will learn to be more careful when I decide to risk myself out there than thinking NOTHING will happen to me.

Mr Sun started to gain strength already. OH! It was afternoon already! No wonder.

Started to feel the heat and tiredness.

Plus Miss Cloud started to warn me that the rain is coming

It was time to return home.

Alright, I can't complete the hike because I woke up late, rain was coming and at least, I got some reflection.

Time to take a bus home.

What a quiet bus. Yup, after I reached home and in a few mins time, it rained heavy!

The thick rain was approaching.

Yup, I am right - right moment, place and people. I made the right choice to shorten my hike than continue on, if not, I will be soaked.

BTW, thanks S for listening and being supportive to me during my hiking today. Thank you.

Jeff