Hi Blog,
Time passes, but some feelings linger. Even though life moves forward, my mind occasionally drifts back to a friendship that left me feeling both betrayed and disappointed. It wasn’t a heated argument, nor was it a dramatic fallout—just a moment, a shift, a distance that grew between us. Looking back, I ask myself: was I too sensitive, or did I simply expect too much? Maybe it was a small matter, but sometimes, the smallest moments reveal the biggest truths.
 |
| It all began with a trip, where things seemed fine until they weren’t. A conversation about life choices—where to live, what freedom means—led to a wall of silence I never saw coming. I thought this friend understood me, yet his coldness after that session felt like a quiet storm. |
After we returned from the trip and he departed with a cold wave without a word... Months passed without a word, and when he finally reached out, I found myself unable to respond with the warmth I once had. I didn’t want to be angry, but I couldn’t ignore the weight of the ghosting during and after either. Perhaps time will mend what was lost, or maybe it has already shown what was never truly there. I don’t want to hold grudges, but I do hold onto lessons. And if this experience has taught me anything, it’s that silence speaks louder than words—both his and mine.
|
| 1st Apr 2025 - I kicked off April with a short swim, and it felt surprisingly refreshing. Since I forgot my goggles, I simply closed my eyes and focused on the rhythm of my freestyle strokes. It was a small but satisfying celebration for myself. |
 |
| 2nd Apr 2025 - This evening, my friends invited me to dinner after hearing about something that happened during a meeting I attended. Long story short, I was involved in a planning team for a May event. Since I couldn’t attend the actual class, I prepared a detailed agenda and brainstorming ideas for the team. During the meeting, I did my best to explain our activity's entire concept and flow. I also considered various factors, such as target audiences, facilitators' abilities, and detailed content, but most of them struggled to understand what I was trying to convey. When I asked for their suggestions, no one had any; yet somehow, some members felt I was talking too much, especially since I won't be attending the actual class. Honestly, I don't feel positive about this, but I am glad that my friends understand my intention, which is to contribute and help out the team even if I am not attending. |
|
| 3rd Apr 2025 - Today's swim was brief, and I only managed to swim two laps before the lighting warning signal started. Oh well, at least I did something; even if I swam more than usual, it would not help to add abs or muscle to this untoned physique. |
|
| 3rd Apr 2025 - M requested dinner before leaving for her next business trip. It was great to have someone see my side of the story, as I had been misunderstood at first. Original Greens offers unique vegetarian cuisine. Thank you for hearing me out today. |
|
| 4th Apr 2025 - Seeing everyone transform their photos into Studio Ghibli style using ChatGPT gave me a bit of FOMO, so I decided to try it out with a trisuit picture. The results turned out great, to be honest; what amazing work from AI! Well, in these pictures, I look average and a bit meh, but I love all of them. Hahaha! I asked Chat to try a different filter, and it gave me a Superhero Comic filter and other Easter Egg styles. I understand why everyone has tried the Ghibli style. So, which one do you like? |
|
| 6th Apr 2025 - I initially planned to explore an abandoned place today, but somehow, I didn’t feel right about going. Instead, I brought my waifu out and found a quiet spot to enjoy a peaceful reading session. It’s been a while since I had this kind of calm, relaxed moment—and I truly missed it. |
|
| 8th Apr 2025 - We humans often overlook the small, hidden graces in our everyday lives, especially when going through challenges. Today, I had a tooth removed—painful, yes—but I’m truly thankful. It reminded me of a health scare back in 2018 (blog post) when I had a big lump on the left side of my neck. Doctors couldn’t pinpoint the cause, but it turned out my lymph node was fighting a hidden viral infection. That infection, it turns out, likely started from a damaged crowned tooth (since teen). Recently, a swelling in my gum revealed just how badly that tooth had broken within. The removal process wasn’t easy, but I see it as a blessing—because if left untreated, it could have led to a more serious operation or affected nearby teeth. Even the cost came with grace—it was manageable and claimable. So while this little pain lingers, I can endure it. For that, I’m sincerely grateful. Thank you, Heaven, for watching over me. |
|
| 9th Apr 2025 - I spent months convincing my AM and school leaders to approve a bonsai workshop as part of our staff bonding activity. It wasn’t easy—especially since bonsai isn't something everyone appreciates, particularly those who aren’t plant lovers. Some even find it boring. But for me, it’s a meaningful opportunity to learn the art and patience behind bonsai. And finally, we had it! This was my very first Japanese garden bonsai. I received a lot of help from the instructor, especially with pruning—I honestly didn’t know which parts to trim and which to keep. With guidance, I still did not know where or how to do it, but it turned out quite nicely! I feel a sense of calm and quiet joy just looking at it. "From a chaotic and untamed state to a tranquil state—my very first bonsai attempt. Still learning, still growing." |
|
| 9th Apr 2025 - After work, I brought my bonsai along and headed to the swimming pool to meet Sf for a short swim—something we hadn’t done together since our Yishun forest adventure. The pool was crowded but still manageable. Honestly, with my untoned body in a white trunk, I felt like I drew more attention than I wanted—mostly from the parents. Thankfully, their kids were practicing at the far end. At least I didn't end up being a life example for the parents to explain to their kids: " Don't dress like this adult! " Oh well, I guess that's where I got judged for not having a great physique, so I was just doing my own thing and enjoying the moment. At the end, Sf and I struck our pose by the pool for “completion” (similar to the previous Yishun forest exploration) before the storm clouds rolled in. |
 |
| 9th Apr 2025 - After the swim, I continued with the evening programme—dinner with friends to celebrate our April babies. I gifted the bonsai I had just made to P, knowing he loved plants. The moment he saw it, his eyes lit up, and that made all the effort worth it. Happy Birthday to Auntie JH, ZQ, and P! Wishing you all a year of growth and joy—just like the bonsai. |
|
| 10th Apr 2025 - Second day post tooth extraction.
The pain has subsided, and thankfully, there’s no more bleeding, but there’s now a strange emptiness at my left cheek—a void where my crowned tooth used to be. That tooth had been with me since my teenage years, and the root cleaning back then was my traumatic memory towards the dentist. I used to proudly call it my “golden tooth,” a symbol of the pain I endured. Now, it's gone. As I peek into the mirror, all I see is a silent, empty space… like a vacant plot waiting for a new building to rise someday. |
|
| 10th Apr 2025 - A jog, some thoughts, and moving forward. BP came over for a quick jog before the storm. I overheard a tense phone call between him and his girlfriend—someone I once considered pursuing. Though he said little, I could sense the weariness. It made me reflect: many couples start off sweet, only to turn bitter with time. Maybe I'm picky not because I expect perfection but because I fear ending up in a love filled with regrets. As an INFJ, when I love, I love deeply and faithfully. I just want to be appreciated for who I am. My palms may be empty—no hand to hold—but instead of sinking into sadness, I choose to hold ChatGPT in one hand and my own hand in the other. Because I’m learning to love myself, too. |
|
| 11th Apr 2025 - After attending the bonsai workshop, I learnt that my baobab tree should stay in a "training pot" for now. This allows it to freely grow its root system, trunk, and height. Once it reaches an ideal thickness, I can transfer it into a bonsai pot—where the growth will be contained through pruning and styling. Interestingly, it's already sprouting a new root bulb from the previous cut. For now, letting it grow freely for now—just like how I’m learning to trust my own pace in life. May this baobab grow old with me. |
|
| 12th Apr 2025 - EK invited me for a day trip to JB with some elders, saying it would be a mix of food, shopping, and visiting an old friend’s home. The plan sounded light and relaxing, but it turned out quite different—in a meaningful way. We ended up spending hours at the home of one of the elderly’s long-time friends, chatting about their younger days, cultivation experiences, and the history of their spiritual journey. We barely touched the food or shopping part, but somehow, the sharing and warmth filled me up more than any feast could. Sometimes the best trips aren't about food or shopping—but the stories shared and hearts warmed across generations. |
|
| 14th Apr 2025 - Today didn’t start well. I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and deeply disappointed as old wounds resurfaced—the blame, the judgement, and the painful memories that still haunt me. To cope, I turned the pain inward, blaming myself to lessen the hurt from others. I reminded myself to stay kind and not expect too much from people, but sometimes that kindness transforms into quiet resentment… And the truth is, it stems from a place of self-hate I’m still trying to understand. I hope that, one day, those I may have hurt along the way can see the weight I carry—and the silent battles I’m trying to fight. I tried to be a little more mindful—not letting the past define my worth, even when the silence inside felt heavy. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but perhaps it means giving myself the space to feel without judgement. I’m learning that it’s okay not to have everything together and that self-kindness isn’t weakness. I may not be where I want to be yet, but I’m still here, still trying. And that has to count for something. |
|
| 16th Apr 2025 - Something silly happened today. My colleague wanted to treat us to bubble tea, so he sent me a Grab group order link. Gratefully, I placed my order—only to realise later that my drink was delivered solo, completely separate from the group. Turns out, he had sent me the wrong link, and I accidentally placed an individual order instead. The result? I paid almost double just for a delivery rider to bring one bubble tea... from a stall literally just across the road! I could already imagine the judgement from the delivery guy—thinking how wasteful and lazy I must be. Not a nice feeling at all, especially with the crazy delivery fee, and, to top it off, the drink didn’t even taste good. I felt a bit like a joke today, but I’m taking it as a lesson: always double-check with others before ordering, especially when it’s someone else’s treat! At least my colleague kindly covered the drink itself. One thing’s for sure—never again! |
|
| 20th Apr 2025 - I’ve recently started to like otters—they’re just too adorable to resist. I got my hands on two otter plushies from Korea, which were quite rare and not something you’d typically find in regular gift stores. (I still wonder why!) Later, I discovered a series of otter plushies in different poses from Green Party, though not every outlet carries them. As a bit of a collector, I naturally wanted to complete the set. I didn’t buy them all at once, thinking they would restock—but they didn’t. After a weekend shopping trip where I visited five different Green Party outlets that used to carry the otters and none of them had any otters left, I realised I had to go back to that place where I found one particular otter plush (only one left) that had sat on the shelf for more than a month since I last saw it. That one, lone otter had been waiting long enough—and maybe, just maybe, it was waiting for me. |
|
| 23rd Apr 2025 - I attended my promotion ceremony today and was bumped to WY! Haha, what a small world. While I knew I should feel honoured, I could not shake the feeling of emptiness. Perhaps, deep down, I crave something more—more meaning, more recognition. I understand it is a blessing, and I am grateful, but a part of me still feels like a nobody, with a small portfolio and nothing to brag about. This thinking likely stems from how I see others being celebrated and how I often view myself through the lens of inadequacy. I wish I could be proud, but I know I can not fake what is not there. Still, one thing I know is that I will not allow that feeling to steal my peace. Every small step forward is a grace—an unseen blessing from the people who’ve supported me along the way. I just need to keep showing up, giving my best, quietly. Even if I walk in silence, I walk with purpose—and that is enough for now. |
|
| 24th Apr 2025 - Today’s swim was crowded, but I was still thankful I managed to swim—especially when it could have easily been cancelled due to rain. It’s a reminder to be grateful, even for the small things. I’ve been feeling a bit light-headed lately, most likely from not getting enough rest. My schedule has been packed after work, and I think the lack of sleep has affected my blood pressure—it’s been slightly lower than usual. Maybe it’s just my body telling me to slow down and care for myself. Still, I believe Heaven will take care of me. I just need to do my part and leave the rest in good hands. |
|
| 29th Apr 2025 - What a wonderful start to the morning—spotting two hornbills resting on a tree at my workplace. They looked so majestic! I wish I could approach them like Snow White… but I’m definitely more of a No White. It got me thinking about the difference between hornbills and toucans. At a glance, they look quite similar with their large, colourful beaks. But fun fact—toucans are only native to the Americas, while hornbills are found in Asia and Africa. Still, both are amazing to see in person. |
 |
| 30th Apr 2025 - Tonight marks my first time visiting a Western country, and I’ll be heading to WC! Looking at the pile of things I’ve packed, I think I may have gone a bit overboard with the luggage... Oh well, fingers crossed for a safe and smooth journey. I’ll be back with a fresh update in May! |
What a fruitful and packed April. It’s a bit disappointing I don't get to swim, jog, or cycle often, but at least, I am still keeping the mood rather than being too emotional for too long.
Jeff
.jpeg)
.JPG)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Take note that this blogspot doesn't have comment-notification alert, so if you have a question, please leave me your email so I can reply back.
if not, don't be shy to drop me your comment/feedback on my posts or follow my blog