Swimming - Six Consecutive White Days

Hi Blog,

This week, I have some duty to do at some place after work, so I have a lot of pocket time to spare. I set an aim to view the swimming pool and train to swim 20 lapses.

Time to undress for my swimming session

But... I received some concerns about why I wear white trunk to swim as it is not a preferred colour for a straight and untoned guy like me. I will only draw more misunderstanding.

I just need a space to rant... Someone who hear me out...

22nd Apr 2019 - Sigh... to be honest... I wonder why people got so quick-judgment of what orientation I am... Wearing white trunk aka homosexual. Look, I know I don't have the luck to attract girl's or even have BF's material and still single until now... But that doesn't mean I am not straight! I just love white and like white. Anything with that? I understand they will like white too, but don't they like or wear other colours and styles too? How can we base on whatever to stereotype/conclude someone? Is it because I am not handsome and having toned figure, so that's why I got judged easily?

23rd Apr 2019 - I reflected why I still pick white despite that is easily be misunderstood. I tell myself, colour does not define a person; just like our skin tone. Does it mean you have a certain skin tone, then you are certain people? I wear white because I love how special it is and it represents me; not in the homosexual way but my strong love of white (even when other people won't like and continue to judge). Another reason is for me to stand up on what I believe, than swinging to how others see me or on the surface level. Believe me... I do feel lonely... when no one sees how I see, love how I love but I also wish others will learn to know me more... sadly... Not many... It's very lonely... but I have to be strong.

24th Apr 2019 - nowadays... The strangers are back... The attack of nasty comments calling me disgusting and cheap... I have a strong feeling to close my blog as well... Said that I am purposely intended to draw attention but I failed to do so because I lack of qualities to pull it off. I am just purely disgusted to others.

25th Apr 2019 - I know I know... I am not qualified to wear white, wear trisuit, wear slightly fitting pants etc. Many people just ask me to stop. Honestly... I already gave up dreaming to have a gf as I am broken in person... Whatever I do now, is for to love myself, to be comfortable and be clear of my intention. Yes, I agreed. Initially, when I bought a white trunk, trisuit and wear tighter pants, I had to deal with a lot of anxiety issues which no one knows about; I was almost giving up my life... Closing accounts to accounts is to escape from strangers who seem to be a bit disgusted by me, I don't blame them besides myself. All I want is to have confidence at myself, to like myself a little... Give myself a chance to be worthy and brave because I don't have the qualifications to shine.

26th Apr 2019 - Now I have already decided to stop blogging my working out on my IG (by June, it will be firmed up), and leave my disgusting pictures all in my blog... but Why they have to push me further? I already accept the fact that I have bad genes which isn't worthy to populate. No girl will ever like me without putting down their judgment spectacular and weighing machine... What else do I have to do to satisfy you or them?

27th Apr 2019 - Anyway so sorry that I ranted... which people hate to care about... Like in my previous post before (link) I just need someone to love me of who I am than judging. Wearing white trunk isn't mean anything about me. Mr C and WX told me, only I know who I am. Others who spare no interest to know who I am, has no weighage to contribute anything to my life. Why should I be bothered?

But There will be a day when I won't be wearing white once I got older. Hope you (blog) will follow my journey. :) Thanks for hearing me out... Thank you Blog.

Jeff