Personal - Why I got Ghosted

Hi Blog,

This supposed to be a jogging post because I took too many pictures due to the fact, while jogging... I got rather extremely unmotivated...

Trying hard to smile... Mr Sun told me to go for a jog and sweat it out.

I guessed Mr Sun is right. I will sweat it out and revise my own emotions. I think I know what is haunting me... as titled. I won't type in their names here, even though my bad side wanted to, but I don't think it is appropriate.

Oh well... Blog, Let's jog then, I will tell you what had happened...

These few days, I am trying to think why I got rather unmotivated… Trying to think of a reason “why I got ghosted…” Even since when I was young and until now… I got ghosted by others frequently. Deep inside me, I really love to bond and trust with anyone; with lesser words communication and sync. But… ghosting is one thing that haunts me quite often…

Looking around for ghost

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting isn't just applied to Love-relationship, it can also happen to friendship. Ghosting is the practice of disappearing from someone’s life, get lesser enthusiasm in the chat, simply leaving someone on read and not replying to their messages for a long time; traditionally done in an online relationship (usually). Once you stop initiating communication, all whole contact stops.

Untoned and plain looking guy like me, ghosting is like a norm.

Quoted from psychology today, "The opposite of love isn’t hate, it's indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text."

Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem like me, almost zero confident...

Well, as an INFJ, we do not want short term relationship.

We, as an INFJ, want to get to know you, understand your reasoning, purposes and life values etc. We are not interested in casual flings and disposable relationships, as we are looking for soulmates/genuine friendship whom they can share their entire lives with. We don't like small talk and love to engage deep ad meaningful conversation.

On the side note and I agreed with one INFJ Quora user had mentioned, "MOST INFJ won't and don't engage in intimate acts unless they can trust you. They either prefer to be single or look for a long-term partner and in some cases, they end up meeting that special person. INFJs are demisexual and sapiosexual which differentiate them from others." That's why I hardly get a spiking effect on M because I can't trust M behaviours and changes in future. Anyway back to title.

Yes... I know that I am a boring person after hearing from a horse's mouth.

In beginning, that 'person' (I am not referring to one person, I am referring to most of the people around me) seems caring and wants to know me more... but ended up… ghosting me.

Honestly, I don’t feel good, used and disposable… feeling of being disrespected… Examples like…

• Have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again.
• Have invested some time to know that person – like going from texting every day or seeing each other a couple of times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why.

Honestly… I reflect myself… and stop blaming others but myself on why they ghosted me. Usually the ghoster will not initiate contact and will not respond to any of your efforts to reach out. However, if you reach out and the ghoster will communicate with you only when you make contact but then never initiating any contact... As some people out there will point the fault back to me, it Sounded like me - I only respond to people who start the chat… yeah! The ghoster is not wrong, never wrong because… It is all my fault as I am the disturbance and the type of person who got stupid emotion baggage and shxtty attitude. I deserve to be ghosted.

Many years ago, I used to initial chat but the responses were not great. (let's give a real life example) I have a few of my ex-pupils, I texted and wished them for four plus years already, and all I got is two grey clicks… they have not changed their number and while watching them happily with their new partners loving or having fun on their social media; to add more salt to wound, some even blocked/unfollowed me… Then I heard one of them said that I am being “creepy”/boring.

Now it seemed like I dare not initial chat but I promised to reply whoever asap and be genuine… but it seemed like the ghosting still haunting me… Unworthy me…

Oh well... I just have to accept the fact...

In the end… I understand that friendship/relationship cannot be forced.

Personally, I don’t do ghosting to anyone (except one or two toxic people but I still reply them with neutral stand if they text me), I will still communicate if another party has any interest to text me, rather than having the feeling that I am the disturbance in their happy life. Anyway, I think I will take some time to recover from grieving of a broken relationship.

Give myself a set time to wait, grief. Self-blame, then decide move on. I will slowly get myself back into things, concentrate on things which I enjoyed, such as hiking, cycling, swimming, and perhaps have activities with others. Just treasure the moments together, once fate decided to come to the end, I will have to accept the fact that it happened… so good bye to them... All the best.

Jeff