Personal - Must feel Good, Learn to feel Great

Hey Blog,

This week, I faced many challenges with myself as usual... I am a person with inferior complexity - I feel that I have nothing worthy to stand up for myself proudly. No matter whatever thing I do or have, I am always categorized as the loser category (most typical people's perception) and I dislike people saying good things about me, just to make me feel better; like lying straight to my face - things like you have great body or look, you are doing well etc etc.

To be honest, I always portray great resistance against any compliments, due to my perfectionist nature and typical standard of material/outlook by most people's favourite/liking, Plus I have self-knowledge. It takes me a while to accept the fact of my imperfect form of myself.

this is me. short, fat, plain and ugly.

I know many people will think that is why I am saying that to myself. Well, I said those nasty words to myself so that I won't think greatly of myself and accept the facts of facing the reality of this world. Despite all the negative traits, there is one thing I am certain - at least those didn't disable me from giving out my best qualities - that I am able to give or contribute to aid others to be better.

Share my knowledge

There is one thing I feel great about myself, is to share whatever knowledge I have, I have many hobbies which able me to continue to learn new things. I will try to share my BEST treasure with others selflessly. No matter whether that person is bad or selfish, when come to knowledge sharing, I won't reserve myself but to share whatever I know. Studious and Willingness are my best quality of me.

teaching P5B Excel lesson - I make jokes and fun for them to pick up the skill from me.

To excel and overtake me. That is my wish!

Share my Wisdom

I must thank Heaven for giving me the power of understanding nature and having an acute sense of learning attitude toward everything. I feel I am always taken care of by Heaven a lot of times. I wish Heaven can continue to guide me and prevent me to fall into the traps which I wish to stop. (<
Just like a patch of grass vs a tree, the grass will continue to flower and give out oxygen, and praise Heaven in whatever means it has. I should learn from grass.

Heaven is watching for me, and I will share my wisdom with others.

Don't judge me and let's look at the one inside me.

who can see the burning passion in me?

Just check on the smile I always put up - a bitter and foolish smile

Never Give Up

Even though I am fat, short and weak, as a perfectionist, I must learn to tag on this quality to balance my life - Instead of desiring to become the perfect person who can only be found on the magazine cover, I shall perfect my soul! I won't want to be fat and give in; I should continue to work out. Go for a jog to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Must exercise - fat or fit or slim, everyone has the privilege to workout. There are people who can't even do those, why should I put my size as my measurement to give an excuse for not working out?

Wearing a trisuit is to tell me to stay fit and professional in mind and physically as much as I can.
I should not let my trisuit down. 

As my trisuit tries to teach me something - It stretches and tries to fit in any size and then tries to hold its size.
My mind should have the same attitude, learn to stretch and accept every size.

let's go! Jeff. Just go work out!

Learn to be Contented

Come to think about myself. I should learn to be contented. Contented is a high level of spiritual cultivation. We won't learn by knowing it but we have to learn to apply to ourselves. To look at myself, I already have everything - not more or less. What am I lagging?

No. I don't. I am who I am. I have something qualities which are unique to me. 

By thinking of that, I always learn to look out to the sky and thank Heaven for everything, and then pray for me leading out all the positive potential energy

Unique Style of Expression

Speaking uniqueness. Everyone has their own uniqueness and I should learn to see in me. I can actually draw well. Even though I am not that GREAT like those out there, but think again, anyone who can pick up a pencil and draw (express) their ideas, that is Art. Every Art has their own unique way of expression. Just like my drawing, it is not perfect but it is uniquely my style and no one else.

my drawing of my loved one... I usually draw out my feeling so that I won't think of her that much but to appreciate her like an Art. I appreciate her so much.

My way of expression is unique and not many can relate or understand me. At times, I feel angry over people who think they know me very well. Well, To think back, why must I get angry over people who don't understand? Most importantly, I must know myself.

Child King

There is one uniqueness which I feel I have and it is quite rewarding - a gift from Heaven. I am a Child King 孩子王. I can connect to young kids well - Have fun and connect with them easily. Even though I can't get everyone to like me, a handful is good enough. There are times I was bothered by the number but now, I should recognize my own style of attractiveness.  

Iz, my first pupil who I was able to connect to. I always remember he likes to crack jokes on me, but I just take it with a smile. And now he will continue to approach me - I can able to share my knowledge with him.

Like this instagram post by one of the girls - Interstellar (Stella)
I am glad they accept me into their memories. :)

SMILE and SELFIE!

Connect and Continue 

Speaking I can connect with kids well. There is one more that I learn to see in me, that I am still in my ex-student's memories. For example, today I went to Ikea and saw this student, he still remembers me! I am glad that he does. Even though there are a great number of them left me, well.... it is part and parcel of life. I should move on too and not regret giving. That's me. I don't expect any in return. (even though I do feel upset when this feeling haunts me, I will try to balance myself. I need time to stand up again.) 

just like this student's name, Guan Ming (sound like 光明 Shining even though his actual Chinese name isn't spelt in that way).  I feel it is God-sent to remind me to continue to Shine, just like the Sun, despite there are storms, blocking it from shining, the Sun will still continue to shine and once the storm breaks away, what we see is a rainbow. :) 

Be Strong

Even though I am not Muscular or have a Great body to show. I don't have six packs on my short plain body. But there is one thing I must know - If I am given the chance and time to train, I can look better. I know I don't have the luxury of time to train my body but my focus and life objective are different from main-streamers. I learn to be proud of my asset and should not be shamed by it - because I am using this to guide, to share, to lead myself to be a better person - for myself, the world and Heaven. I must feel Good and learn to feel Great! 

Conclusion

One of morning, I witnessed a funny scene by two bees - between Carpenter Bee and Honey Bee.

Both bees were trying to get the nectar from this freshly opened flower.
I looked around there were many other flowers but the bees seemed to desert those flowers, which I believe those flowers were spent. As this looked fresh.

The honey bee was trying to squeeze in to get the nectar with the carpenter bee.

Trying hard to.

but end up, the Carpenter bee didn't give in - carry its duty while the honey bees waited patiently for their turn. 

I learned something - the bees know their position and take no grudge over it. Whatever they did (their main objective) is to get nectar and pollinate the flowers. They are not there to show how powerful or capable of themselves. As long as they do their duties and for the greater good of nature, they will be Good. No carrying anything or even looking down on themselves. I guess I have to continue to learn.

I made some jokes about it. I know it looks negatively charged but why not we take it as a joke and nothing else.

Hahaha
you know what, blog. A weird thing happened today I kept on reciting the word "Yokatta" many times and non-stopped for a while. Then I found out, it was Japanese language - meaning "it was Good." :) I guess even my mind/mouth trying to encourage me in their own way.

I should Jia You! Right? blog.

Jeff