Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

These days I had a lightning strike moment. For those who might know me... I am a low self-esteem person since I was young. I learned that everyone will have their unique darkness to hold us back or affect us in any way. I wished to get out of it but I knew I wouldn't be able to, even if I did what others are doing (like going to the gym to become a bufflord which I can't afford the subscription) these days.

Because it is the darkness that I carry in me so I need to do something about it. I need to learn to self-love. Not egotistical but to be more contented, and give myself more credit. So for the first time, I made a first picture for the month a picture of me in a swimming trunk.

Honestly, I realized my purpose of having this blog, is for self-healing, and since my blog is privatized, cut off from toxic people and I can "smile toward the future 😊 than frown over the past 😞."

1st Oct 2023 - Old Bird Bird Park (Click here to read more)

2nd Oct 2023 - Trisuit Theme #86
(Click here to read more)

3rd Oct 2023 - Recently, I saw many people posting things like this from this site. I don't know who made it or what purpose but it looks cute. To know what kind of element you are. Mine is grass, I must say, it said a lot of me except mori style outfits which I had checked, is nope; but if it tries to express that I have my style then yes I am. Anyway, this one is just having fun.

4th Oct 2023 - Today was a Children's Day celebration. You might have seen me dressed up as a Spiderman September overview post, so what did I do in the video? Presenting the one-second of fame! I thought could surprise the students a bit but to be honest... They won't care but it does not matter. I would take this opportunity to dress up... After trying out... The neck of my suit was disappointing. (just like this gif file, happily dancing but can't dance away from disappointment.)

5th Oct 2023 - It has been a while since I wore a pair of red trunks for a swim. I may not have the best body to complement it but at least, I tried. Sooner, I can finish up a swimming theme post but quite limited in idea.

6th Oct 2023 - I bumped into a group of students from my school today. I hesitated to swim but heck care, I don't think they bothered but at least, they greeted me instead of mocking me. (thanks Heaven)

7th Oct 2023 - CCK Forest
(Click here to read more)

8th Oct 2023 - These days, I noticed an increase in my weight and waist, I wondered... I had been eating lightly for lunch meaning, weight should be in control... I suspected that it could be due to my Japanese sesame dressing because of its sugar content. Time to find an alternative! Anyway, smile and stay positive.

10th Oct 2023 - Went for a short swim today again and yes, same old place. It seemed like I started to like this place - convenient and quieter than Safra.

11th Oct 2023 - Mr Sun told me today was a great day to go for a jog and even though, I felt lazy I still pushed myself for a slow jog but jogging with a gassy stomach... was a bad idea.

13th Oct 2023 - Finding That Wall
(Click here to read more)

14th Oct 2023 - BP and J wanted to go for a hiking trip. I brought them around to experience the journey from Macritchie to Bukit Timah and also covered the Tree Top Walk. It had been a while since I hiked such a journey. I didn't snap many photos while there were other people around.

14th Oct 2023 - Today I had a dinner date with M and since I knew W.M. (my former student) was working nearby, I decided to surprise him. I can't believe he has grown up so much.

14th Oct 2023 - After that, met up with M and dined at Joie - a high-class vegetarian restaurant. What a fest and Thanks M for the treat. It was so expensive that I doubt I will go there regularly or even if I had extra money, I wouldn't go there. Yes, the food is awesome but the price... I guess... Such a poor man like me... Is a disgrace for all men...

15th Oct 2023 - Bone Marrow Donor Carnival Cosplay
(Click here to read more)

16th Oct 2023 - What a tired day today but it won't stop me from swimming during my pocket time. Sooner, I can release a theme for my swimming trunks. There is nothing proud about it but at least, I can rotate the clothing.

17th Oct 2023 - Today I should be meeting S who came back from his long work trip and would stay in Singapore for a while before going back again. He told me that I could swim at his hotel before having dinner together. Oh, Great! Can have a short swim but it was very awkward to be in my swimming trunk in the lift because just when we were about to reach that floor, a couple of foreigners also entered the lift. So embarrassing. Anyway, thanked S for the dinner treat and helped me snap pictures.

20th Oct 2023 - Yes! Friday again! It was great that the rain didn't extend and yes! Ai came to swim together. With his encouragement, I was able to swim for more than 10 lapses! I guess I will have to keep it up! Thank Ai for meeting me.

23rd Oct 2023 - Trisuit Theme #87
(Click here to read more)

24th Oct 2023 - Sigh... Wanted to go for a short swim but it rained. Even though the rain stopped after a while the lighting signal still didn't go off... so... I just left without swimming... Actually, it gave me a good moment to reflect upon what had happened in my workplace and people around me...

26th Oct 2023 - Today's short swim but it was a stressful one... Why so... I had been thinking through the toxic relationship with my mother and the root of my low self-esteem issue... Honestly, many people will advise me to move out for my mental well-being but I know it is just an escape route... Plus... with the background... I also found out the main reason why I am still single... Since I was by the pool, I had to swim away from problems for a while.

27th Oct 2023 - Sigh... Honestly, I am exhausted... I wondered how much to pay to get a psychologist... I doubt it will be cheap... Seeing my mother carries an unhealthy perspective towards everything, especially to people around her who actually care for her... My mental well-being was also affected... I guessed it is because I definitely have some expectations towards others and will be upset if they can't meet, but I will only take my mother as a good reference point to reflect and remind myself...

28th Oct 2023 - Oh yes! Today was the day to help out for the Bone Marrow Donor booth. It was about to rain so I had no choice but to take a cab down. Luckily, throughout the whole event, I didn't "rain" heavily like my previous events. Thanks, D (Spiderman) and Aya for helping. Seeing the kids were happy to see us and interacted with them, allowed me to forget my unhappiness and negativity... I wish that I had the power to save life, especially my own life... Am I a hero? I am not... The kids see a hero but I know I am unworthy... as I am broken from inside... Wearing a mask to fake my own positivity... Finding an escape route again...

29th Oct 2023 - The sky was trying to tell me something... Will Heaven despise me for being an unfilial and unworthy son for my mother? I wanted to be good but whatever I do, will be dismissed like... practically, gaslighting me for being a shitty individual... Like I can't or dare not even accept any compliment properly... On the bright side... I can see this issue... but how to work towards it... I am just blank.

Happy Halloween Blog. What a fruitful month and I was glad to have some readers drop me some concerns over some family matters I have to face. Appreciated that.

I learned something inspiring and deep. There was a saying that Life is like Salt.

I managed to find a video to express the content well below, hope to inspire myself by expanding myself.

Jeff