Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just telling myself nice things… to avoid facing the truth. I talk about inner light, about self-worth beyond appearances, about being more than just a shiny armour — but deep down, part of me questions if I'm just trying to feel better. Am I just comforting myself with “excuses” while avoiding the hard truth that… maybe I’m just not good enough? Maybe I’m not attractive, not strong, not successful, not special? I don’t say this for sympathy. It’s a real question I wrestle with. A part of me genuinely fears that I’m deluding myself, just to survive.

“I want that shiny armour too.” I can’t deny it. I envy those with confidence — those who walk into a room and are admired, even desired. I admire people like that “demigod” I once mentioned, who seem to be proud of every part of themselves. I look at them, then look at myself, and I feel so far behind… so out of place.

And yet, when I try to chase that image, something in me hesitates. I’m not just held back by laziness or fear. There are many reasons — real reasons — but most people don’t see them that way. They say I’m giving excuses. They say I’m not trying hard enough. They say I could be more if I just stopped “feeling sorry for myself”. I ask myself: are they right? What if my self-kindness is just a soft lie? I try to tell myself good things: that it’s okay to be different. That my value doesn’t depend on looks or muscles or status. That my quiet efforts still matter. But then I hear this whisper in my mind: “Are you just saying this to escape reality? Are you just sugar-coating your failures?” That thought breaks me. Because if I can’t even trust myself… who else can I trust?

Personal - A Day for Lazarus

Good morning Blog,

Okay, so after ages of planning and finally finding the perfect time to go to Lazarus with my friends, D was trying to find the right date with his busy schedule and mine. Fortunately, we actually made it happen!

Blessed weather, too! As you may recall, it has been raining lately, but Heaven was preparing these clouds for noon. 

I always want to visit a beautiful beach and become a beach boy (well-tanned, healthy, active, and always cheerful). Too bad, I am a seal and can only do so when I am there to daydream.

Trip - Visit JB Capyba Cafe

Hi Blog,

Call me naive or noob, because today I was going to take a train from Singapore to JB for the first time! I often hear about this method of transportation to JB from other people, but I haven't had the chance to experience it due to the difficulty in obtaining a ticket.

And after a month plus of planning, we finally got a chance to try it out!

BP helped us book the train tickets on the online portal (link). Based on my testing with the platform, high-demand periods generally occur on weekends; therefore, it is advisable to make advance reservations.

Personal - Swimming Theme #16

Hi Blog,

Friendship is something I have always cherished, same like everyone. I believe that friends come into our lives not by chance but to walk a part of the journey with us. Along the way, there are moments of joy, moments of conflict, and lessons we can only learn through experience. I had a situation with a friend recently that made me think about how important it is to set clear boundaries in relationships, whether it's about money, personal space, or beliefs

What happened reminded me that being kind and understanding doesn't mean I should tolerate feeling uncomfortable. Friendship should be built on mutual respect, and when that respect is crossed, it's important to speak up. In the moment, I might act instinctively to defend or explain myself, but it can be misunderstood or dismissed, making it seem like it's my problem to find a way to express myself without hurting the other person.

Not every friend will instantly understand or accept these boundaries, and some might feel hurt or even distance themselves. While that's never what I want, I've realised I can't control how others react. What I can do is stick to my values while learning forgiveness and kindness on my own. In the end, this approach benefits everyone.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #114

Hi Blog,

I’ve often noticed how compliments light up certain people — especially those who seem to shine like demigods. Their confidence, their looks, their achievements — everything they do seems to attract admiration. Some even grow stronger with each praise, as if the applause fuels them. And others expect me to respond the same way — to receive compliments with a big smile, to feel proud and encouraged. But to be honest, outward validation feels... tempting yet strangely hollow to me. It brushes against my skin but doesn’t sink deep. It feels like a mask I don’t quite wear.

Do I need shiny armour to prove my worth, or is there something else within me trying to speak?

This thought brings me to the idea of the “shiny armour” versus the “inner light.” The shiny armour is what people can easily see — appearance, charm, success, and humour. The inner light is quieter — it’s values, compassion, purpose, and resilience that others might not notice at first. As an INFJ and someone with a strong Earth influence in my Ba Zi, I tend to seek meaning behind actions, not just results. I’m wired to look deeper — to question, to reflect, to serve — and that sometimes means I’m slow to accept praise that feels surface-level. I don’t reject compliments because I am not comfortable with them. I reject them when they feel disconnected from my core — or when I haven’t yet lived up to the person I want to be.

Hiking - Former Lorang Halus Landfill

Hi Blog,

Today's post is a backdated one, as I went on 31st August 2025. I should space out my posts for different months; hence, this was a long post for August. Anyway, back to the topic.

Great weather! I was going to bring my waifu, but ZN needed my help with his hiking competition, so I went out to explore a bit before meeting up with him and his wife.

As titled, I will explore the former Lorang Halus Landfill. At the end of my previous post, 'Three Forests along Serangoon River', I saw a beautiful and possibly exploration-worthy place, so I decided to do it today.