Personal - Swimming Theme #10

Hi Blog,

Sometimes I ask myself why I have so many swimming trunks. At first glance, it might seem like a frivolous hobby, especially in general public view or even right now in this post... but when I dig deeper, I realize it’s tied to something much more personal like I mentioned in my previous swimming post. Buying a new trunk feels like a small attempt to imagine a wildly hopeful version of myself—a version I wish could exist. Compared to the models or other 'demi-gods,' I know I don’t have the perfect body—far from it—but every time I see a new design that catches my eye, I think, “Maybe this one will make me feel good about myself.” Deep down, it’s about finding something that helps me feel more at home in my own skin.

Still, the question lingers—why Do I buy so many swimming trunks?

Is it because I’m chasing an ideal I’ll never reach Or I’m trying to hold onto a feeling I’ve been missing? Maybe it’s a little of both. Some days, I want to let myself believe I’m great, even if it’s a stretch. Other days, I’m simply hoping to find a spark of confidence I don’t yet have—even if it lasts only for a moment. I know I’m not a model or demi god, but wearing something I like—something that feels like “me”—is my way of trying to embrace what I have.

In the end, these trunks aren’t just clothing; they’re a reminder of my journey. They’re proof of my insecurities, yet they also mark my soul-searching journey—a reminder to be kind to myself. It’s not always easy, and there are plenty of times that I wish I could forget everything and wake up like Cinderella—granted a fairy-tale wish. But just as the clock strikes midnight, I’d quickly return to reality... that I am not Cinderella, I am Cinderella’s stepsisters while Cinderella was born perfect, to begin with... that’s not really the point. The point is at least I’m trying, in my own imperfect way, to feel a little more comfortable being me. And if the public views me as the guy with too many swimming trunks or weirdo, so be it.

Jeff