Personal - Not Moving to Next Level

Good Morning Blog,

My bro W asked me to go for a hike with him as he needed some space for himself from his home with kids and wanted to sweat out.

I got myself ready and waited for his arrival under my block

I guessed I will take my waifu out during those days when I can go back to work.

Today hike will be my usual one and nothing special like last time because of this pandemic, most Singaporeans have no where to travel out and started to explore places where they don't spend any attention on previously and got attention from some authority... and was blocked from accessing. Sigh....

Oh well... I guess my only challenge is to make myself refreshing and enjoy the hike

Well, to any readers who are reading this... So sorry that I can't produce good rich content but thanks for still staying on with me.

Finally see bro W again. Lucky today weather was a sunny one. It is great to accompany with someone who does not judge and understand me in many levels. I have to thank Heaven that there are people like that around me - As what it is known as INFJ's inner circle.

Today hiking on Sunday was usually crowded but it won't spoil our hike and mainly interact with my friend. W and I usually have topics to discuss and I had less stress on explanation because he is able to get my points, not 100% but at least he tried humbly which I appreciated.

Yesterday sudden burst of heavy rain caused ponding here.

oooo... Lucky it didn't get into my shoes.

Crowded as usual

Along the way, W showed concern of my recent hang out with M (#dayswithM) and wondering how is the progress.

To be honest, I spent quite some time thinking and reflecting - I have to say that I will just maintain friendship with her.

(Thanks W for helping) I won't bore you with detailed content as I am thinking of the possibility of future stuff like ten or fifteen or even twenty years down the road. What will happen and how will I face it and how will I react just by thinking of it. I think before we started a relationship, it is best to express one another expectations. Personally, there are some expectations I have but in majority, I might sound like I am nit-picking her, and I have to do some disclaimer - I am totally fine with her as who she is. M is a nice and strong girl; definitely feeling honourable that she considered me as her potential mate.

In short, there are three main reasons why I don't wish to move on to next level.

1) Our life goals are different. I have other life goals and while she has her own. 9.5/10 of the people around me will tell me off to let go my unrealistic goal and just follow hers.

What is her goal you may ask? She wants to live a passive income lifestyle and working hard toward it. Good goal for most people but not me. My goal is different; for now, I find difficult to express through words so I shall keep it as (leave a space here). If my goal can be understood, I won't have to struggle.

Maybe the closer goal that I wish to achieve, will be similar to Confucius's goal. Yeah... you can laugh at me. 

Anyway, I have NO right to change her and so do she can't change mine too. Best to keep a safe distance than trying to create a conflict between one another.

2) No Chemistry yet. I reflected myself, as an INFJ, (quick reference on How INFJs fall in love). I remembered ow we knew one another, it was through my sister's.

Just like point 1, Life Goals already different... I just want someone whom I can connect with a deep and meaningful level. I don't just here to date or married for the sake of marriage. When during dating, I am here to understand and know her or a person, so I may appear serious and into her, but it is just my way to learn to know her and honestly, she did well on the first date - left a lot of positives which made me interested to know her further. But still... Chemistry is lacking...

(Thanks W for helping) 3) I don't want a 2nd Mother. Actually, the correct description should be I need someone who understand me.

As an INFJ... I had spent so much of my live feeling misunderstood... I find very difficult to explain to them and very tiring... If one think in such way, I won't want to explain further because I foresee MORE explanations need to be done over one matter. Example, I chose to keep quiet to some people who gave me problems like giving a lot of excuses for delaying their payment of their loan from me... Yes I am upset because I have to deal with the faith that I throw in and recover my faith with other people too... For others, they will try to CORRECT/LECTURE/CONFORM me what SHOULD BE THE RIGHT WAY to deal with them. Not saying their methods are wrong (they told me to report police or confront them or never loan to anyone anymore), more like there are something which I valued, but even when I explained my stand, I will be judged for whatever label that tagged on me.

Long story short... When I said I don't want a 2nd Mother because I learned that I always feel misunderstood by my mother and I will take the quiet approach whatever I can, even though I had ever tried to voice out and the outcome wasn't nice as it just added on more layers of misunderstanding. So for my life partner aka wife, I hope to find someone who can understand me than giving an extension of never ending misunderstanding... It is for my mental well-beings. (can read more)

As for M, somehow I found one or two signs that she has that quality... there is a risk. To know her actually, we need to be together in order to CONFIRM. But... I don't want to risk it... because I value the friendship than become a stranger or enemy.

It is funny how, friends become lovers, lovers become strangers and the people you know become the people you knew...

Perhaps I am not mature... I am just pure childish. Marriage is a commitment, it is not a tool to change my long unchanged Single statue or break free from the forever-friendzone bondage.

Jeff