Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

July always makes me reflect more deeply—maybe because it's my birthday month. Another year older, and I wonder, have I grown? Not just in age, but in how I carry myself through life? Birthdays used to feel like quiet reminders of my limits, but now I’m starting to see them as gentle invitations to check in with myself.

Looking back, I realise that self-growth doesn’t always look like big achievements. Sometimes, it’s simply learning to be softer with myself.

I’ve spent years criticising my own actions, trying to meet some imagined standard. But this year, I hope and want to shift from self-blame to self-trust—to honour how far I’ve come, even if it’s invisible to others. This birthday, I won’t make loud promises or resolutions. I’ll just choose to be present. Growth is not about being perfect; it’s about being patient. And if I can offer that patience to myself, maybe that’s the real gift of turning a year older.

Personal - 46th Birthday Reflection

Hi Blog,

Birthdays often come quietly for me. I don’t expect much celebration, but I’ve come to realise that each one is more than just a number — it’s a silent pause, a checkpoint. A moment to ask myself, “Am I still growing in the right direction?”

This year, I found myself thinking more deeply about growth — not just in terms of life experience but through a traditional lens I’ve started exploring: Ba Zi.

For those unfamiliar, Ba Zi (八字), also known as the Four Pillars of Destiny, is a form of Chinese metaphysics that analyses a person’s birth date and time to understand their elemental composition. Personally, I see it not as a fixed label or destiny but more like a reference point — shaped by scholars and generations of observation. It classifies tendencies, character traits, and preferred habits in how we deal with life.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #112

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of quiet thinking about something I’ve been struggling with for a long time — my body image and self-esteem. I’ve always admired those with great physiques. Deep down, I know it’s not just about wanting to look good, but about wishing to be accepted, loved, and seen by others. The tricky part is… even though I’m aware of this, I still find myself going back to the same thoughts: If only I had a better body, maybe I would feel more confident… maybe I wouldn’t feel so invisible. But the more I think, the more I realise — this isn’t just about muscles or looks. It’s something much deeper within me that I’ve carried for years.

Jealousy isn’t really about muscles. It’s about longing for love and belonging. It’s about feeling left behind, again and again.

Through some reflection, and after reading a very insightful piece online, I started asking myself: What am I really jealous of? The truth hit me — it isn’t the muscles themselves. It’s what they symbolise: attention, affection, and acceptance, all of which feel like scarce treasures in my life. I’ve also realised that even if I had the “perfect” body, my deep-rooted low self-esteem wouldn’t magically go away. In fact, it might make me crave even more attention or lead me to unhealthy habits just to keep that validation coming. So instead of fighting these feelings with more self-criticism, I now try to shift my focus inward — to care for my health, maintain my fitness gently, and practise contentment in small steps. It’s not easy, and it will take years to master, but this is my quiet work to do.

Hiking - Three Forests along Serangoon River

Hi Blog,

What should I do on Saturday morning? Of course, go hiking! Let's go! There are numerous locations to revisit to refresh my memory.

Plus, today is July 5th, and there are rumours that a massive earthquake will occur near Japan. Personally, life is still going on. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Worrying will not help the day, but I was worried about it raining heavily. Let's see how. So, where shall I go?

Personal - Swimming Theme #15

Hi Blog,

These days, I have realised how much shame and anxiety can arise from simply having an untoned, not-so-great body, especially when we are constantly bombarded with images of chiselled, god-like physiques online or in real life. It feels even heavier when I consider all of the qualities I lack—the ones that seem to be most important in attraction and social approval. I lack the "flex appeal" that some women seek to own or associate with, or, in other words, I do not have the type of body that automatically attracts admiration. And sometimes it feels like even my positive qualities, such as kindness or thoughtfulness, are overlooked when they come in this "meh" package like mine.

Funny how it’s not always the body itself that hurts most—it’s the meaning we attach to it.

People around me are constantly telling me to "just go for it," "hit the gym," and "if you really want it, make time." But it is not that simple. It’s not laziness—it’s life. I wish I had the time, energy, and resources to solely focus on transforming my body. But the truth is that I am not sitting around doing nothing. I swim, hike, cycle, and jog whenever I can fit it into my packed schedule. I even try to eat better, even if it means finishing food for others who cannot. I understand that having a toned body requires more than just exercise—it takes a consistent diet, targeted workouts, discipline, and maintenance. I am not dreaming as I try.