Hiking - Voice Out

Hi Blog,

Usually weekend morning, I will go for a hike or take my waifu out or maybe clearing some errands... Today I should be going for a good hike...

And I felt rather emotionless and didn't want to do anything else...

I woke up early morning but I just wanted to "die my feelings"... because if I started to look into those feelings... I will have to face many negative feelings (even though there are position too)but I need to let everything sank first then pick myself up from there.

After a few hours of battling myself, I just jumped out from my bed without spare any thought and geared up my 4th blue trisuit #2xutrisuit4

I decided to visit one quiet place at MacRitchie before it got crowded again.

And reminded me of who I am.

Alright, once I am out, I won't need to think of my bed anymore.

Mr Sun, where are you?

Yes! Thanks Mr Sun. Hiking with me?

Thanks Mr Sun for accompanying me.

Let's go! Mr Sun.

While hiking alone, I will do self-reflection session.

On the positive note, hiking in a later timing like close noon, will have lesser crowd to act as a catalyst to my self-reflection session.

Water flowing to one direction (lower end), I wonder is it how a communication worked this way?

I have been facing such one-way communication quite often.

Yes, I understand not 100% of my whole communication experience but majority. Most often, I feel like a fungus growing on a log, treated minority and forgettable; not many hikers will take a note or appreciation towards it.

Recently, at least three similar cases happened which I was given zero space or attention to explain/hear me out at all. Most people will highlight that I am the main issue. Honestly, how will such statement help anyone in anyway? Yes, it only helps you to make you feel superior or right in your own judgement, hence feeling great?

As an INFJ, checking on other fellow INJFs, we shared similar challenges and experiences.

I won't represent ALL INFJ nor I am fully understand what is INFJ, but I know about myself. Let start stating all the "faults/mistakes/flaws" I have as a person.

Inability to articulate myself well

Beside this inability, what handicaps me further is to communicate it in English. I know my brain's first language is Chinese. I need to go translate to English, then go through construction-check, grammar-check and have to do it within sec, then respond.

Right after I responded/replied, I read again, it can mean differently depending on the individual receivers. That is where misunderstanding begins.

To add more salt towards the wound, receivers will respond negatively with their preset misunderstood judgement.

One typical example will be like, I was having a conversation with Friend A, and Friend A shared a situation and out of concern, I was wondering will Friend A might be judged by Friend B (I don't know Friend B at all and both of them are good friends). How my Friend A response was upset and disappointing... Friend A got angry and told me off for being an axx for judging Friend B, and highlighted that I barely knew Friend B, where gave me the right to judge Friend B in the first place? Honestly, I was dumbfounded. We were having a good chat, why and how you can jump into such conclusion without even allow me to explain myself? And continued to tell me to reflect upon myself for being a lousy person and hypocrite too.

For me, I know I had said something wrong which they might had misunderstood, BUT NOW it is my turn to voice out. Have you heard from me what am I thinking of? Why I said that? Why I do it this way? I will never want to hurt anyone, have you ever trying to clear the misunderstanding first than labeling me as whatever?

Honestly... it is suffocating whether such things happened... As an INFJ... there are things which many people tends to take it lightly... The aftermath struggle of self blaming/hate which only INFJ will understand.

Thanks Mother Nature for giving me a big leaf which shaped like a hug.

Tree top still needs some time to completion - perfect for me to visit that place!

Back to my self-reflection moment, usually whenever and whoever confronted me with some upset comments, I will just keep quiet and won't voice out.

Because we know it can hurt people.

Not that I am saying that I am perfect or non-judgmental individual. Everyone will judge, but we can’t help to judge people against our own high moral standards (to set as a reminder for myself) but I will just keep quiet and embrace one another.

One example, when I shared my problem between my colleagues with Friend C, Friend C will highlight that I should not think how they think because I have zero control over how other people think, I should not assume that is how they think actually and take it lightly.

Great advice which I will remind myself and manage my own emotions. Moving on my life.

But when the misunderstand between us happened, I was being judged for thinking or even react in certain impolite way, then get angry with me for being a hypocrite/shxtty person. Am I given a chance to explain? Did you even seek an understanding together? Why get angry when you are assuming things?

Finally arrived to the quiet location. I will revisit the path here before the crowd returned.

Wow! Check out this Shingle Plant growing beautifully on the tree trunk. It could be Monstera Dubia.

Back to topic, anyway... No matter what... Ended up... I am just left alone picking up the torn pieces of our last conversation.

What many people tend to do to me in the past and now, is to make me feel guilty.

Oh well, no matter what... others just door slammed me. Perhaps, it is also a good result because...

Feeling guilty (I experienced it myself) is not a great feeling. By faulting me and feeling nothing wrong with you, might help you well, so be it.

I remembered some people who door slammed me then after a while, still trying to patch back, I will just take and respond to them neutrally. (trying)

Even though it might trigger me of what had happened in past, but perhaps, I just want to know you and build the trust again.

Never easy but it is what I try to give, but bitten once twice shy.

But for friendship, I will keep on trying.

Hmmm... Tree top is still under renovation. Will return again for its tranquility moment.

To be honest, I observe that usually most extrovert people are the one who misunderstand introvert easily.

I sensed extrovert (because they are slightly have an upper hand on confidence on themselves) speak up and no more discussion. When we try to speak up, we try to be careful with words etc etc... will be deemed as weak or no confidence.

Most introverts grow up being compared to extroverts especially when we come from a setting where introversion is often associated for being of less intellect/low confidence... unlike most extroverts portray themselves as sharp or outspoken or talk smoothly... Rendered introverts zero space or power.

Quote from Lucy DeWilde, studied Psychology (link) Extroverts are less likely to "understand" is because introverts and extroverts in such a society have a completely different perception of what normal social behavior is.

when an extrovert sees an introverted person, they simply see someone who is shy and unconfident, or has yet to come out of their shell. When some introverts present themselves extrovertly (when they need to),the extroverts will simply see them as "normal." When an introvert sees an extroverted person, we will tend to think, "Why can't I be like them?", "Why is that person so confident?" etc. So please... misunderstanding will happen, don't jump into conclusion so fast. Usually, I will raise some simple question to learn how a person think towards certain topics. Everyone is unique.

Arrived! :D Long time never visit this place.

Anyway, Self reflected until now, I have to come to a term to know who I am. Others can't define me.

At the moment, I am happy with myself. Usually, such incidents will haunt me for months, now the haunting duration is shorter.

Glad that I can overcome myself slowly...

Because I am...

Spidernerd!

Let my imagination goes wild!

Finding who is that villain casts darkness to my life?

Hmmm... It seemed like no where to be found.

Suddenly... I felt sleepy... Like a smoke bomb.

Dizzy head... Feeling drained and tired...

My spider senses were gone in second...

I woke up and just feeling happy because that villain is me. I am just too weak and got emotionally troubled.

As an INFJ, feeling such way is also normal because we tend to adsorb such information unintentionally.

I will be okay as I am still a learning INFJ.

Hahaha Thanks Mother Nature for cheering for me.

Now the sky started to brighten again :)

One relax smile for the day

Thanks Miss Sky for not making the sky moody.

Hiking in the noon is one great experience, better than hiking in the morning (crowded)

Thanks Mother Nature for embracing me and keeping me safe. I can trust you.

Low batt for the day and time to go back home.

Great hike record!

Great to read up how other INFJs face their daily challenges and deal with it, I don't feel alone. :) So sorry if I offended any extroverts and I have to say this, I have not hated you, to those who had left or misunderstood me.

Jeff