Personal - Learning to accept the fact that I am not good looking

Hi Blog,

Recently I learned that why I felt depressed and miserable in past, because I cannot accept the fact that my look isn't society-adored, just a nerd aka loser in the eyes of people…

Just me. I am Jeff. It had been awhile since my last drawing for 2017 National Day.

I felt left-out often in social contacts… (I won’t say that mine is the worse, but just don’t have many clique.) Sorry, I apologised that I made it sound like a big who-ha, but when I was young, these things bothered me a lot. Okay! Jump to today, I slowly learned to manage my own expectation, I always tell myself, “the world doesn’t revolve around me”, “I cannot expect others to behave as my please”, “Heaven is fair”, and “I just have to be strong and good as always, no matter what circumstances.”

Self realisation really lifted up my mood :)

With that thoughts, it carried me through my darkness period, and now I realised that it sprouted. I was slowly learned to handle myself well – accepting the fact than upsetting/denying it. Through acceptance, I learned to embrace myself. A song that came to my mind, is the Prince of Egypt – Through Heaven’s Eye.

I started to widen my mind and vision. Still learning.

I am a water droplet and emerge with the vast ocean, and there is no more pressure… like no more ‘ME’ but ‘US’. Ugly, Beauty, Rich or Poor are the same infront of Heaven’s eye. Why I hold such a small insight and torture myself within my own shadow?

When the mirror is clean, you can see yourself clearly.

By thinking from a higher dimension, I realised that whether I like it or not, beauty is a subjective thing – from my dimension, people adored slim people, the slimmer they are, the more popular or desirable they get. In this same world, there are people who adore beauty in a different way.

In Nigeria, among the Efik people, the fatter a girl is the more beautiful she is. (image source and read more: BeautyInDiversity)	In the desert tribe of Sudan people, they disfigure their lips with lip plates and thought that the bigger the lip plate the more beautiful. (image source and read more: kemiamusa.blogspot.sg)
Among the Kayan people, their custom of wearing neck rings is related to an ideal of beauty: an elongated neck. (Image source unknown but read more here: epicureandculture.com)	Foot binding in China, is to display status of women from wealthy families and adopted as a symbol of beauty in Chinese culture. (Image source and read more: openendedsocialstudies.org)
Jocelyn Perisset Wildenstein - a.k.a. The Cat Woman and married to a billionaire.	Valeria Valeryevna Lukyanova - a model a.k.a. Human Barbie. Married to a businessman. A lot of men find her attractive too.

From those examples, I realised that beauty is what the people make of it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Like how an image of a superhero from the past - their physique were rather bulky than today’s standard. (but I can't find the right video about it but something similar on how market influences people. Check this video out below)

I questioned myself, What makes a girl pretty? For me, “She smiles.” What was important was the radiance in a woman’s face. It didn’t matter how outwardly pretty she might appear, if she doesn’t smile, then she is not here. A beautiful smile can make a ‘not pretty’ girl quite attractive hence the outside of us can be changed, but I believe it’s the inside shining out, that makes us beautiful.

Use my smile to change the world, don't let the world change my smile.

I remembered in some article someone wrote that she had an amazing man in her life that unfortunately passed away. One day, years ago before his death, she asked him what he liked most about her, she was expecting typical physical stuff that guys are attracted to. But he answered immediately with “what’s between your ears.”

Nowadays with tsunami of social media, you will tend to see how demi-gods and goddesses got all the attentions and likes that affected our view of beauty standard consciously and sub-consciously. It hits HARD to everyone…

like me when I look at the mirror, thinking that is my look socially accepted or just a rejected one?

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on the looks and forget what we should really focus on that matters. (you may read more from this site about 30 Things I'd Rather Be Than "Pretty")

In reality, when you met some really physically good-looking people in times as you stay with people long enough, their face will ‘blur’ out (not in focus) and what really determines their beauty is their attitudes and capabilities.

"You cannot be ugly unless you think you are. But the first and best relationship in your life is going to be with yourself."

Some beautiful people only struck on the superficial level, Inside they were mean, cruel, sometimes even downright evil; those were ugly. They do have their own insecurities but they don’t tell anyone. And many of them were so self-righteous, so entitled and even spoiled - they believed everything will and should be served on a silver platter to them because of their looks… Even though we will see many times the good-looking people they are easily forgiving by others, but when their prime period was over, whatever left was their ‘true form’.

“Good looks fade but a good heart keeps you beautiful forever.”

So while I am not good looking, I should really focus on is to develop my personality, become the spirit of the room (which I have to overcome) or the ‘lighthouse’ which I always want to be.

Aspire for bigger things. Don’t make life that meaningless!

Pardon me for taking pictures in the toilet because of a sudden rush of inspiration.

Jeff