Blog - October Overview

Hi Blog,

I sometimes see dating as an unspoken competition that no one has officially announced. There are men who are taller, more muscular, better-looking, wealthier, more confident, or simply more naturally attractive. Then there's someone like me, who stands somewhere in the middle, looking at all these qualities and wondering where I fit in. I haven't received an official scorecard, so I have created one in my mind. The more I compare myself to others, the more it feels like everyone around me is moving up the ladder while I remain stuck near the bottom.

But when did finding someone to love become a competition that I needed to win?

Perhaps it happened gradually. I notice another man receiving attention, and my mind immediately begins calculating what he has that I don't. If he is fitter, I feel smaller. If he is taller, I feel disadvantaged. If he has more money, I imagine he can offer more. If he is handsome and confident, I assume women would naturally notice him before they would ever notice me. None of these thoughts necessarily come from something a woman has personally told me, but hearing such things being discussed among people, observing society, seeing social media, listening to conversations, and remembering my own experiences only make it worse. Even though I know these expectations are not for everyone, when I see them repeated often enough, they begin to feel like facts. I start thinking that if I am merely average, then any man who is slightly better in one of these areas automatically has the upper hand. And if everyone else has an advantage, perhaps all that remains for someone like me is to accept being unwanted.

Personal - Halloween Preparation

Hi Blog,

For this upcoming Halloween Night, I decided to do something special and find a resolution for some of my costume issues. I started planning back in August. Firstly, my sister wanted to cosplay, but she also didn't want anyone to see her face, so I needed to convince her to choose a mask design.

Finally, I managed to convince my sister to take up that lady mask, and meanwhile, I tried to find something similar.

This is my first time using Etsy to purchase these masks. To be honest, the price for these two masks is on the high end, and I wish there was someone who could sponsor me...

Hiking - Moss Finding

Hi Blog,

I thought I had a morning meeting today, but it was in the evening, so I have some free time. Where or what should I do with it? I plan to create a moss terracotta pot to share in a future post.

What a hazy day... Very discouraging...

I didn't want to stay indoors and do nothing, so I decided to go outside. I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike, but I’d like to learn. Instead, I thought about going for a short hike on a trail I haven't visited in a long time, hoping to find something interesting.

Trip - Lorong Terigu Revisit

Hi Blog,

Honestly, the haze condition in Singapore was bad, at an unhealthy range. I wanted to go for a hike, which made me think twice... In fact, I wouldn't think twice; I would go for a hike because not many people would be hiking in such conditions!

Check up the condition. It was early morning, as if it was about to rain.

But where should I go for a hike? I want to visit Mandai Forest... However, there was a place I had thought of a long time ago, but I cannot recall it.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #126

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. Recently, I talked with someone about staying fit and improving my health. He reminded me that if I truly wanted to change, I needed to make time, put in the effort, and spend money on it. He also mentioned that affordable community gyms were available, so I had little reason not to start. After all, it was a matter of priorities. I understood his point, and perhaps there was some truth in what he said. However, I also felt misunderstood. My life is filled with work, family commitments, religious volunteering, and personal interests that give me a sense of purpose. I do try to stay active through jogging, swimming, hiking, and cycling whenever I can. Perhaps my efforts are not always consistent, and there is still room for improvement, but it does not mean I have stopped trying.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the quiet efforts we make still count when nobody sees them. There are parts of my life that exist quietly, without applause, recognition, or visible proof. I may not have the most disciplined routine, the fittest body, or the kind of results that others can easily admire. I may still struggle with self-doubt, compare myself with others, and question whether I am doing enough. Yet, beneath all these uncertainties, there is still a part of me that hopes to become a better person.

Perhaps I need to learn that taking care of myself does not have to become another competition, nor does every improvement need to be made to prove someone wrong. I can acknowledge my shortcomings without using them as reasons to condemn myself. I can continue improving without demanding perfection from myself every step of the way. I am learning to appreciate the quieter side of growth. The small efforts, the imperfect attempts, and the willingness to try again may not always produce immediate results, but they are still part of my journey. I may move more slowly than others, and I may stumble along the way, but I do not have to give up simply because my progress is not impressive to the outside world.

Personal - Swimming Theme #27

Hi Blog,

Practical Muscle

I remember a friend once telling me, “Having muscle isn't necessarily a good thing. I don't really know anything practical like cycling, swimming, exploring, or anything else. Those muscles are mainly for looks, and I still have to maintain them. I would rather have just enough muscle to be healthy. I call that practical muscle.” At that time, I understood what he was trying to say. Perhaps he genuinely valued being healthy and functional more than simply looking muscular. Perhaps he was also being humble and did not want me to feel lousy about myself. But recently, I found myself thinking about his words again—and I realised my reaction was not really about muscles at all.

Maybe what bothered me wasn't the muscle. Maybe it was the advantage that I imagine comes with looking capable.

In the real world, appearance can sometimes influence our first impression of someone. A person with a well-sculpted body may walk into a new activity and already look like someone who knows what he is doing. Even if he is completely new and struggles badly, people might still think, “He's probably just learning.” They may be more patient, encouraging, or willing to give him another chance. Meanwhile, someone who looks completely ordinary like me might worry that the same mistake will be interpreted differently: “Maybe he just isn't good at it.” Of course, I cannot say this happens every time, and perhaps I am giving appearance too much power in my imagination. But I think this is where some of my insecurity comes from. I am not only comparing bodies; I am comparing how much forgiveness I imagine people receive while they are still learning.

Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my understanding of love has been influenced by certain "numbers." There is a popular idea in dating known as the “6666” standard—six feet tall, six-pack abs, a six-figure income, and another physical measurement that I’ll leave unmentioned. Of course, I understand that not every woman has these expectations, and I don’t want to generalise or place blame on anyone. However, I cannot deny that seeing these standards repeatedly, especially on social media, has changed the way I perceive myself. At some point, I stopped viewing them as mere preferences and began to see them as a measurement of whether someone like me was worthy of being chosen.

Perhaps the more painful question is not, "Do I have the sixes?" but rather, "What happens to me when I really don't?"

I began looking at myself through comparison for a long time. If another man is taller, fitter, better-looking, wealthier, or simply more confident, it feels as though he has something I don't—and therefore, an advantage I can never overcome. Slowly, dating starts to resemble a ranking system. The people with more desirable qualities seem to have the upper hand, while someone ordinary like me begins to wonder what remains after everyone else has been chosen. I know this isn't a fair or complete picture of reality. I know some women value completely different things. Yet feelings and reality do not always follow what we intellectually know. When the same comparisons appear often enough, they can quietly become part of the way we look at ourselves.

Personal - Swimming Theme #26

Hi Blog,

From 2023 to 2025, I worked on this theme but delayed posting because I kept revisiting my emotions, trying to understand why I feel this way and to be honest about my triggers. (If anyone bothers to read this, I want to be transparent.) I often feel envious of people with great physiques, good looks, and wealth. I realise this isn’t just a personal issue; it’s something many people experience. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself with a different question: “What happens when the glamour is stripped away?” instead of dwelling on “Why can’t I have what they have?”

When we watch videos/social media posts like these, we often see the highlights: the physiques, the attention, the admiration, the comments, the applause. What we rarely see is what happens when the cameras are off. Some people in those media are probably very confident and fulfilled. Some are probably not. Some may have built strong character, businesses, friendships, and meaningful lives alongside their physiques. Others may have poured so much of themselves into maintaining an image that they struggle when that image changes. The physique itself doesn't tell us which group they belong to.

A person's value is tested not when circumstances are favourable, but when the supporting conditions disappear. "Who remains when the advantage is gone?" That question applies equally to all of us. The interesting thing is that confidence built on an external advantage is always vulnerable to losing that advantage. The beautiful person eventually ages. The rich person may lose wealth. The respected manager may retire. The gifted athlete may suffer injury. The intelligent person may experience cognitive decline. If a person's identity becomes fused with the advantage, then the loss can be devastating. I've seen stories of retired athletes falling into depression, former celebrities struggling after fame fades, and even highly successful professionals feeling lost after retirement. The problem wasn't that they had those gifts. The problem was that they had unknowingly built their entire identity upon them.

Product - Marvel Infinity Stones Artefacts

Hi Blog,

When I was young, I read manga, not Marvel comics; however, in the nineties, when the arcade era was booming, one fighting game attracted me the most: Marvel Super Heroes! In the storyline, a main antagonist named Thanos plots to use the Infinity Gems to take over the universe.

For my birthday, I typically purchase a gift for myself, as the items I prefer tend to be either costly or impractical. Let me share what I got.

Based on the title, yeah! I became Thanos to collect all the Infinity Stones from the artefacts. In the past, I used to collect actual mineral rocks that were luminous under UV light and got my own Infinity Gauntlet! However, only the Disney theme parks carried these exclusive Marvel Infinity Saga Artefacts that had Infinity Stones. I managed to find a seller who wanted to sell his entire collection, so I decided to buy it all from him... To be honest, is it worth it? I shall share my reason, and you can conclude on your own.

Trip - Bintan - The Residence

Hi Blog,

In 2023, I took my first trip to Bintan with D, and we stayed at Nirwana Gardens. I want to visit all the beach resorts in Bintan (if only I were sponsored). Even though I spoiled one of my travel mates' experiences (typically) there due to my eyesoreness and shxttiness. However, I will either do it myself or have an accommodating travel mate if there is one. For my second stay in Bintan, based on Google Maps 'resort search', I want to target the more distant resort, which is The Residence, in the east of Bintan.

Good morning, Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. This time, I got the later ferry, so I won't be rushing.

Hope I won't disappoint anyone, including myself, on this trip after that wallet-bleeding incident... Let's go and explore together!

Personal - Suits for the Theme #125

Hi Blog,

I cannot finish this trisuit theme because that place was blocked, so I will publish it first. I was thinking back on my first time cosplaying as Spider-Man to help with a volunteering experience. Because I wear glasses and do not use contact lenses, putting on the mask also meant becoming almost completely blind. I was dissatisfied with the overall sizing: the smaller standard size fit my height but was too tight since I am fat, while the larger standard size accommodated my body but looked loose and long. Standing there, I suddenly became very conscious of how I looked.

The experience became especially difficult because I found myself comparing my appearance with other cosplayers. Some looked tall, slim, muscular, and incredibly confident in their costumes. I began to think about everything that was wrong with me—the body that did not fit the suit, my height, my glasses, and how the costume looked on me. Just like when I started wearing a trisuit for jogging and hiking... The same old feeling I had experienced at the gym returned: everyone else looked amazing, while I felt like an eyesore.

Instead of enjoying the opportunity to volunteer, I became trapped inside my own thoughts. When I returned home, I washed the costume and eventually decided to sell it, even though it was a premium-quality suit. At the time, getting rid of it felt like the easiest way to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings attached to it. Same as when I started in trisuit, I also wanted to sell them all... The trisuit is supposed to complement the demigods... Not on this nerd.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

One day, every one of us will grow old. The youthful face we once admired will slowly change. Wrinkles will appear, hair will turn grey, our bodies will lose their strength, and eventually the mirror will reflect someone very different from the person we once knew.

If beauty is temporary... what remains when time takes it away?

As I thought about this, I realised something that I wish I had understood when I was younger. If my happiness depends on being good-looking, then time is my greatest enemy because it will eventually take that away. But if my happiness is rooted in the person I try to become—being kind, sincere, compassionate, with integrity—and in the lives I touch—then time cannot easily steal those things. In fact, they often become even more beautiful with age, just like plants as they grow.

Hiking - Labrador and Gillman Visit

Hi Blog,

Saturday again. I was supposed to attend a class, but I wanted some me-time. After what happened yesterday, I had a stronger urge to just lie down and doom-scroll; however, I gave myself a little push to go for a hike.

So where should I go today? In my mind, Labrador Nature Reserve stood out, so let's go there and also visit Gillman Forest again to find the spot I missed before. If you missed visiting Gillman Barracks Forest, you can check here. I would rather explore that forest sooner rather than later because it will be deforested for a future project.

Speaking of Labrador Nature Reserve, it is one of my favourite places for exploration. I've been feeling a strong urge to go there lately, so let's go together and see why. If you missed my previous post about Labrador Nature Reserve, you can check it out: Exploring Labrador Nature Park (2017), Night Exploration at Labrador Park (2019), Half Day Hike (2019), With my Childhood Friends (2020), Batu Berlayar AMTB Battery (2022) and again (2022), Finding Old Hideout Shelter (2023), and Revisiting Labrador Nature Park (2024)

Hiking - Gillman Barracks Forest

Hi Blog,

This month, I've been hurriedly working to document some forests that are at risk of being lost forever. Last week, I visited Maju Forest (you can check out my post about it), and next on my list is Gillman Barracks Forest. You can also read more about the news regarding these forests here.

I took a half-day leave to visit the nearby forest, and the weather today is looking great.

Why can't I go on the weekend? Why do I have to take a half-day leave? The forest has gained a lot of attention, and I’d like to visit in peace. Additionally, I am trying to clear my leave. Dongsaeng K also wants to explore the forest, so I will go with him.

Personal - Suits for the Theme #124

Hi Blog,

It is a short reflection. I realised something about myself — I tend to think in extremes. If I start something, I feel like I must give it my all. If I cannot commit fully, I feel like I should not start at all. This makes things like going to the gym feel very heavy.

Part of it also comes from how I see myself. I sometimes feel that if I do not have a good body, then I am lacking something. And if I want to change, I must aim for something close to perfect.

But maybe this way of thinking is what holds me back.

Hiking - Maju Forest Exploration

Hi Blog,

On my previous hike, I didn't realise I had gone to the wrong forest until I finished and compared photos with others online, discovering I had gone to Dover Forest instead of Maju Forest (last week's hike post).

It looked like today was a cloudy one.

The reason for visiting Maju Forest today is that the government plans to develop the forest for housing, which has concerned many Singaporeans. (news from CNA) Many of them will rally about it, and it will definitely expose the forest to many visitors before it disappears. I, for one, have visited it before (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike) and now it's better to visit today.

Hiking - Facepalm Wrong Forest

Hi Blog,

I am glad there is a public holiday, and I can go for a short hike. I wanted to explore Maju Forest (if you missed my first exploration, you may check here: 2021 - Maju Forest & The Jurong Railway Hike), which is set to be developed, angering many Singaporeans. (news)

Since there has been no rain these days, it is perfect for exploration!

I don't know why... I was thinking of exploring Maju Forest before it was gone, but somehow... I ended up going to the wrong forest... My Facepalm moment... (If you'd like to revisit my previous posts on the wrong forest I visited, you may check this out: 2022 - Dover Forest & Dover Forest Part 2, 2023 - Easter Dover Trees)

Hiking - Finding The Rock Garden

Good morning, Blog,

It's Sunday! Unlike the previous weekends, which were either stormy or busy, today I want to visit a place to properly register the route. If you missed my visit to Rock Garden (2025), you can check it out.

It's perfect weather for hiking because it won't rain; the ground will remain dry, and the place will be bright.

I plan to visit Rock Gardens to familiarise myself with the route so I can revisit it in the future. I hope I can find my way in.

Personal - Spiderman The Whole Day

Hi Blog,

On the first day of August, I decided to try something crazy by agreeing to cosplay as Spiderman for PFACSG to help the Bone Marrow Donor Programme at Anchorvale Village, and to try out my newly purchased suit, which I couldn't zip up. You may read more in this post - Spiderman Costume from Unibuyplus (Feb 2026)

My last birthday treat was with LC, my secondary school classmate, and I shared with her all of my cosplay, work-related, and relationship updates before I went on my program, which lasted the entire day. Thanks for the treat!

Speaking of the program - I will be volunteering at noon as Spiderman, then travelling down to Shaw Lido to watch the new movie "Spiderman: Brand New Day" with a group of Spideys. What a day!

Blog - July Overview

Hi Blog,

As I reflected on all these thoughts, I realised something deeper. Perhaps my struggle was never truly about wanting to be handsome, taller, or more attractive. Those were simply the things I believed would bring me closer to something else — the feeling of being wanted, chosen, and desired.

Maybe we do not long for beauty itself. Maybe we long for what we think beauty can give us.

After spending much of my life single, I have often wondered if things would have been different had I looked better. Would I have received more attention? More opportunities? Would someone have looked at me differently? These thoughts still visit me from time to time. Not because I dislike who I am today, but because there remains a small part of me that wishes to know what it feels like to be desired by another person.

Yet as the years pass, I have also come to understand that attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through life. Good looks may capture attention, but they cannot guarantee kindness, loyalty, understanding, or companionship. Beauty may open a door, but it is character that decides whether someone stays. The older I grow, the more I appreciate thoughtful hearts, genuine souls, and people who make others feel safe to be themselves.