Hi Blog,
Chinese New Year has always felt different from the Western New Year. It carries less urgency and more reflection — a pause to look at what has stayed, what has faded, and what quietly follows us into the next cycle of life.
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| I had to reflect on what I want to do in life. |
Now, close to 50, I no longer wait for dramatic changes in my relationship status. Looking back at my 30s and where I am today, I can’t tell whether I truly outgrew that longing or whether I numbed myself for so long that it felt like growth. Perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that I’ve learned to accept it. Instead of letting these unfulfilled hopes become stones that slow me down or injure me, I choose to turn them into stepping stones — a way to cross the river towards the place I’m meant to reach.
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| 1st Feb 2026 - I can't believe I spent two hours tidying my corner garden. What I did was repot every Nepenthes into a bigger pot and cut down all the vines because I am confident that the main plants will continue to grow with new shoots. I hope they continue to grow with me, since I won't be getting any more. (I hope I can keep my promise.) |
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| 2nd Feb 2026 - I woke up early while it was still dark and returned home late; the moon appeared serene and comforting, as if reassuring me that everything would be fine. |
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| 3rd Feb 2026 - I returned home late last night, around 2 a.m., and did not get sufficient rest for the following morning's work, which left me feeling somewhat fatigued. After work, I considered going for a brief jog but opted to sleep early instead. |
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| 5th Feb 2026 - My mother and brother went into madness again, buying nearly $1,000 worth of beverages from various places. This time, they filled four trolleys with goods. The staff was excited and asked for a photo, but my mother and brother retreated to hide while I was pushed to the front to be their cover boy. |
This year, my wish is simple. I hope to become something quiet but steady — a lighthouse to guide others, an air purifier for what I consume both externally and internally, or a plant like the 四君子, standing upright in its own season. My resolution is not to become wealthier, fitter, or more impressive, but to let calm replace numbness, and clarity replace illusion. If I can walk into this new cycle with a steadier heart, that will be enough.
Jeff
