Personal - Three Days of Ups and Downs

CNY Blog,

Here I shall share with you what I had gone through during these three days of CNY because there were ups and downs of my mood.

16th Feb 2018 - 1st Day of CNY

Dressed up and hoped for the best. (I have not forgotten the "prepare for the worst" here)

As predicted, I was greeted by some of my cousins coldly, I believed they try but wasn't hard enough... I understand I am not part of their clique anymore. This year... I don't even include in the cousins photoshot session... I got ignored as most of my cousins have many things to update with one another and shared news like marriage, new jobs, relationships, personal problems and etc... I don't get to involve because I have nothing much to contribute or anything interesting to share.

I decided to focus my energy with the young ones, played cards with them. At least, the kids like to play with me. I tried to learn not to have any expectation of anyone to make any changes but changes in myself - To be strong and manage my own disappointment.

Then my brother suggested we should visit River Hong Bao (link) at least, something which I can look forward to, but... I don't have the mood to take any pictures during that day... Even my mother was trying to take pictures... I simply didn't take with her... (I just went and apologised to her while I wrote this.) I guessed we will go there again next year, I will take with her again.

17th Feb 2018 - 2nd Day of CNY

Even though I didn't eat a lot during the first day of CNY, but I drank a huge cup of Thai Milk tea treated by my elder brother in the River Hong Bao (honestly, I have to appreciate his kind gesture because that made me forget the pain during the noon time) So today morning, I decided to go for a short hike.

Looking forward for the hike becuase my chest wasn't painful anymore

Fat captain was waiting someone, someone who I missed...

Has he arrived yet?

This is YY - my ex-student who lost contact due to many personal reasons. Since he was free and wanted to have a good chat and update with me, so we had a good three long hours of non-stop sharing of life and exchanges session.

I helped YY since he was Pri 3, helped to guide him, mold him, take him in as my own kid. Unfortunately, his parents can't get a successful extension for their work permit, they had to go back to their country, they left YY to stay in a rental room and entrusted he will be properly guided and taken care by me. But due to my negative period and annoying shxt, made him ignored me for years...

Before the days of lost contact, I actually helped him to get a phone line under my name and he claimed he will pay me back, but... I understand his parents have a lot to pay - rental, school fee and his misc needs, so I decided to pay for his phone bills to ease his finanical pressure. Who knows... I helped to pay his bills for nearly three-four+ years, to make it worse, he will overshot his data and extra charges included.

Many of my friends happened to hear my sharing about this case (I just wanted someone will support and give me an assurance that I am doing it right), because I was quite lost that time - wanted to help him and worrying when will I stop helping. Seriously, I told myself no matter how tough or he treats me, I don't ask for any return; all I do is to help to ease his parents and him, so I suffer a bit is alright. But all I got, is people cold remarks and harsh decision - CUT his line immediately, make a call to his parents and demand a return, just to teach him a lesson. And since I have his number, I should call him up, but I didn't; I believe he has his own reason so I am actually waiting for him to settle down.

During those days, I can't share such decision with anyone anymore, I can only hold up my faith, hope and prayer myself. Eventually, the 2nd day of CNY, was the day when he decided to face me again and he claimed he will return the whole payment while working as part-time but I didn't force him to. All I asked for, is to keep in contact and be a good person for others - don't disappoint other people around him. I almost tear out when he looked at me and said, "thank you Jeff. I have to thank you for all these years of care and concern. Without me, he won't be able to stand up during those lost period and now."

All the best, YY. At least, the return was rewarding spiritually.

Okay! back to 2nd day of CNY house-visit, I got bombarded by negative remarks about my character and attitude... honestly, I shall not go into detail... in summary, I learned no one sees my positive side and expected me to conform acordingly to their expectation.

Lucky, my mentor dropped some messages to encourage me to forgive them, believe in myself as Heaven gave me a unique gift which is an ability to bring the atmosphere up and lively. I shouldn't conform. Be who I am. 這樣才能自在，瀟灑。如今，我們要知道什麼是大事，什麼是小事。(大事是：生死大事：求道 | 人生大事：修道 | 普渡大事：辦道) 不必為小事而煩惱。冷言冷語，諷刺言語，乃是小事。

And my friend, S, said that others failed to see my good qualities - care for my mom, live an active lifestyle, don't smoke/drink, do voluntary work, dedicate my time for all causes etc etc... I should learn to be selective of comments.

Hahahah... My 2nd day of CNY really... Not very bright.

18th Feb 2018 - 3rd Day of CNY

My busiest day - packed with many events to attend like steamboat session with my ex-students and respectable teacher, Mrs Y.

Having fun taking together!

During these steamboat session, I saw one thing - my students have grown up - YH have grown up and fetched me to Mrs Y's house, Some got new school and holding some important title with heavy responsibility, some got prettier, some still as pure as they were young. My effort got paid off, even though I have not spent too much time with them, but they still remember me as one important people in their lives.

They have one common wish - wish I will get a partner so they can relate 'a good people should have good relationship'. What more do I have to ask for? Those were seeds which I sowed before, and now they are a group of happy people. :,)

After this steamboat session, I traveled my way to a house-warming (didn't take any picture) but because I showed up for the house-warming, that owner felt so much appreciated. I only feel happy that these family finally managed to have roof over their heads by renting a house from government. Thanks, Heaven and government to help family-in-need. I will continue to help them in whatever way I can because I believe in myself.

When I reached home, I turned to my desk, I found a smiley face. I know I am doing this right. :) Thank you, Heaven as what my mentor had shared with me, 今年是戊戌年。也是雙土的一年。土氣的氣息是厚德載物。以易經理論，是坤掛。信德;以修行來說，心地要寬。I think, I have a direction already. :)

Jeff