Swimming - Awkward Happening

Good Evening Blog,

Today I had some time for a short swim before my next meeting, and I realised there is a swimming pool - Geylang East Swimming Pool, near my meeting place.

Quiet and open swimming pool

But something awkward happened to me...

Look at my wet, wrinkles foot - as I swam a few laps. My fat tummy showed unimpressed expression over my workout.

As I am still FAT.

Anyway, after my swim and while bathing, I noticed an Ang Mo bathing weirdly - instead of bathing inside his own cubicle closed or opened, he was bathing in and out like checking the people outside his cubicle. I tried to put down my stuff on the bench ,and I didn't notice that he changed his cubicle which was directly behind me. As when I turned around, I saw a frontal-view of naked Ang Mo bathing and washing every inch of his body.

To be honest, I envied his toned ripped body and well endowed figure, but I dared not look at him or his eyes because (HONEST) the inferior feeling was back and best to avoid any misunderstanding if I just stood there "watching" him (which was so AWKWARD). I moved to my cubicle (further away from his), shut the door and bathed; trying to recover from my inferior complexity.

After my peaceful bath, I stepped out from my cubicle, I still saw him like modelling himself into his cubicle while others checking on him from outside. (like everyone in the toilet was checking on him) It was awkward... I tried to dress up and packed up, that Ang Mo stepped out from his cubicle and wiping his wet hairs while showing his bottom part of his body for like mins, like as if he got long hairs to wipe. (Basically he was just showing off his big tool and washing abs)

I just double up my pace and avoided any eyes contact. But he was persistent and trying to walk INTO the corner of my vision to get my attention. I was trying to act normal, and packed my stuff then left the toilet immediately.

to be honest... I felt kind of low self esteem with myself...

I understand I should not feel inferior and there is no reason why I should feel that way... To think back, I reflected why I will feel that way... 

In my blog posts, I posed daring in tights or trunks, purpose is to give myself some confidence to be what I enjoy doing (Not showing off, even if you want to put it that way but nope. Don't judge!) I just feel great to see myself engage in sports activity which a nerd like me won't imagine doing. It is also to remind myself to maintain my physical as much as I can.

But in reality, deep inside me, the truth is I am no body. Since young, I didn't have the attention or appreciation for the effort I put in. I can never look or feel GREAT like that Ang Mo with prefect genes and features. I just feel inferior because I can never be that confident infront of everyone and gain that level of attention with my lousy body and genes.

But I reflected back after I left the pool... What do I gain if I have that great features? Attention? Am I that superficial? I gained nothing, people just like me because of my body, not in person. I believe many people who live their lives looking GREAT will understand what I meant. They can get people attention or friends easily, but what if they lost those or no longer looked great or get old, what left is the same feeling I am experiencing now.

So the conquest is not about looking great, but have I lead my life in greatness? Do I help people around me? Do others feel GREAT when I am around? Do others TRUST in me? Do I STAND up when I fell? Can I be STRONG when I am at the low ground?

Sorry that I am sharing something boring. Well, that was my thought of the day. :) I am healing myself from my inferior complexity. One day I will be BETTER. :)

Jeff