Hi Blog,
Lately, I’ve been observing my thoughts and reactions, almost like watching waves hitting the shore. There are patterns — familiar emotions, recurring doubts, and the same kind of thoughts that like to visit when I feel small. They come quietly, repeating the same story: that I’m not enough, that others are better, that I’m invisible. It’s strange how these patterns can feel like truth when they’re just echoes of old wounds.
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| But realising something important — a pattern doesn’t have to be permanent. Just because it has been repeated doesn’t mean it can’t be rewritten. Awareness itself is the first act of change. Each time I catch myself sinking into those old feelings, I can choose to pause, breathe, and rewrite the script: “Maybe this time, I don’t have to believe that voice.” |
I used to think change meant erasing the past. Now, I see it’s about understanding it — tracing where the patterns began, learning why they exist, and gently guiding myself toward a new response. It’s not about fighting the old, but teaching myself new ways to feel and think.
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| 1st Dec 2025 - I was glad to have lunch with C and G during the school holiday. Having a meal with colleagues is always on my wish list, as it shows they’ve welcomed me into their comfort zone beyond just work. |
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| 2nd Dec 2025 - I was supposed to meet T for a swim, but he couldn’t make it. It didn’t bother me, since I wanted to swim anyway after all the rainy days. What made today’s swim special was that the rain stopped right after I finished work. I expected the pool to be empty, but instead, there were some demigod-like youngsters lounging around, showing off their impressive physiques without swimming, just chatting and touching each other’s muscles. I felt a bit lousy... but I focused on my swim. |
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| 3rd Dec 2025 - Today’s swim was a spontaneous decision, as I was meeting a seller nearby to pick up a plant. It was just a quick dip, and right after I got out of the pool, the rain signal went off. I was lucky. |
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| 5th Dec 2025 - Long day... Helping my sister with her banner and promotion, amending prices, and syncing to display screens... Not just once, but whenever I suddenly notice minor mistakes or a price adjustment, I have to redo it again... Honestly, I don't mind helping, but constantly repeating the steps and waiting weren't effective. However, compared to her challenges, mine are inferior. She faces system issues, lags, and errors. I hope that can be resolved sooner... |
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| 6th Dec 2025 - I had planned to cosplay as Captain America or my New Meme character, but ran into a snag—nowhere to store my luggage. So I opted for my Marvel Quantum Suit instead, which made traveling much easier. The taxi fare was steep, so I took public transport home in full costume. Since my helmet wasn’t ready to wear, I carried it around. With my not-so-great face, I mostly went unnoticed, though three visitors recognized my outfit, including friends and former students who greeted me warmly and took photos with my cosplayer friends. Unfortunately, I had no one to help me capture moments with other amazing cosplayers. It was a short trip to Comic Con, and I’m hoping for a better cosplay experience next time. Now, looking at my costume… it won’t last much longer. |
Every time I choose kindness over self-blame, patience over pressure, I am rewriting my story — slowly, quietly, but meaningfully. These new words may not shout as loudly as the old ones yet, but they’re mine. And that, in itself, is progress.
Jeff
