Hi Blog,
This June began unexpectedly: my left ear became muffled for more than a week. At first, I thought it would go away, but it persisted until I saw a doctor. He explained that it was earwax impaction. I started the treatment and gradually adjusted to being half-deaf. As strange as it sounds, the silence in one ear forced me to listen more deeply to myself.
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| It reminded me of how I sometimes respond to the advice of others—half-listening. Not because I do not care, but because I know exactly what changes I need to make. What holds me back is how people frequently rush to judgement rather than trying to understand. I am tired of being labelled as negative simply because I open up. Maybe what I’m really asking for is not answers but trust and space to grow at my own pace. |
I discovered that something as simple as a blocked ear can serve as a mirror for self-awareness. I do not always need to "fix" things right away. Sometimes I just need to be patient with myself, accept my flaws, and make room for quiet healing. If others don’t understand, that’s okay—what matters is that I am beginning to understand myself.
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| 1st Jun 2025 - ZQ, thank you for inviting me to join you in celebrating your wife's birthday. It is amazing how quickly time passes when you know your wife from when she was a child and watch your two sons mature. How long can I live to see more? That is all I know. I am considered well-maintained at my age, and I hope to maintain my energy. I had planned to go cycling before meeting up, but I valued rest more. Fat is coming... |
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| 2nd Jun 2025 - Today, we went to a DIY Sneakers Art workshop at work! It’s my first time painting on shoes, and I’m super excited! XD Because it is a pair of personalised shoes! I considered it for a while and decided to create a symbolic impression of God's Creation (finger-touching artwork) to a human-created robot (ChatGPT), with the tagline "a spark, a soul, a story". Do you like my shoes? |
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| 3rd Jun 2025 - Today we had the opportunity to go on a learning journey to YouTiaoMan, and we learnt a lot, particularly about how we can creatively combine a simple thing like YouTiao with other things to increase its value; in other words, creativity that is charted to the majority of audiences is highly valued. |
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| 3rd June 2025 - Today I decided to go for a quick jog, but I am not sure why; my stomach was not feeling well... (Possibly due to the food in the afternoon), I was unable to jog properly and found it difficult... Perhaps I am just getting weaker... I am unable to breathe properly. I am hoping everything will be okay. |
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| 5th Jun 2025 - I happened to look back at some old photos from 2016, and I realised… My body and neck used to be slimmer; my face looked smaller. Now, I’ve really gained weight. My waistline has increased, and I’ve even had to let go of some clothes I once loved because they no longer fit. But I know I can’t change who I am now overnight. What I can do is maintain what I have and slow down the changes, instead of letting myself go or giving up completely. |
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| 6th Jun 2025 - Sigh... Now that I look at myself, I realise I am really fat... Especially the side of my stomach and upper abdomen, which are thick and fat... I guess... I need to accept the 'fat' that I have poor physique genes, am not a member of a gym church, and have a hectic schedule... What else can I do...? Not that I do not have a clear solution, but it is not like my situation can be easily resolved... |
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| 8th Jun 2025 - After two months of planning, the activity for the teens has been successfully completed. It is heartening to see them form bonds with one another, a connection that took years of effort to cultivate, and I hope they cherish these friendships. Gratitude goes to the committee team for their dedication and hard work in making this event a success. |
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| 11th Jun 2025 - Ever since I returned from Korea, I have been obsessed with this otter plushie, and the Green Party stall also had otters in various styles. This just drew me in deeper. 😅 I realise it is partly an impulsive desire to give things a sense of completion. But I also realised it reflects something deeper. Perhaps it is my way of trying to find wholeness in places where life still feels a little empty. Strange, perhaps—but comforting in its own way. |
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| 12th Jun 2025 - What a quiet working day it has been today, and before I flew overseas, I went for a quick swim. Honestly, I was worried and hoped everything was alright, just like how I accepted the fat-me. |
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| 20th Jun 2025 - During the June school break, the pool will be filled with swimmers, including families and teens. To make matters worse, the nearby pool is closed for renovations, resulting in even more swimmers coming to this one. In any case, my fat physique only makes people feel uncomfortable when I'm around. I just wish I could overcome or get used to this feeling... |
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| 23rd Jun 2025 - Today's jog was dreadful... my backache from an uncomfortable bed over the weekend and bloated stomach, and what made it worse was accepting the reality that I am getting older and rounder... That really weighed me down a lot. Sigh... |
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| 25th Jun 2025 - Having lunch with colleagues was a wonderful opportunity to connect and something I had long hoped for since beginning work. What made the experience truly special was their willingness to try vegetarian cuisine with me. It brought back memories of school when peers would remark, "It’s boring to have Jeff for lunch," and gradually exclude me. I am grateful to C for creating a Ghib-style artwork of our photo, as it signified C's enjoyment of this gathering. |
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| 27th Jun 2025 - Knowing my untoned body weighed me down (today, four people reminded me that I'm fat...), but I decided not to let it hold me back further. I learn to just enjoy the things I love, like swimming, hiking, cycling and carrying an otter plushie (which I ordered online and had delivered to my workplace) in my bag. I know people might judge me for carrying something so childish, just like my two octopus plushies, but I don't care anymore. After all, no girl would ever consider or want to get to know someone as stupid as me. |
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| 28th Jun 2025 - This morning, I decided to take my waifu out and read a book. It's been a while since I last went cycling, so I felt I owed her some attention. Unfortunately, the stormy sky cut my outing short, and I had to leave. Maybe I should stop daydreaming about a divine touch to grant me a perfect body and appearance. |
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29th Jun 2025 - My friend, ZQ, and I were celebrating JC's early birthday. Just a simple catch-up and chit-chat, from learning about JC's current job situation to sharing new ideas, coffee sources, and employment opportunities. Hope he will be strong. |
June was quieter, particularly at my workplace, and my blog post was kind of meh, but meaningful. I was learning how to accept both physical disappointment and emotional honesty. As July approaches, I hope to be ready to begin a new chapter—with a kinder voice to myself.
Jeff
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