Blog - September Overview

Hi Blog,

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just telling myself nice things… to avoid facing the truth. I talk about inner light, about self-worth beyond appearances, about being more than just a shiny armour — but deep down, part of me questions if I'm just trying to feel better. Am I just comforting myself with “excuses” while avoiding the hard truth that… maybe I’m just not good enough? Maybe I’m not attractive, not strong, not successful, not special? I don’t say this for sympathy. It’s a real question I wrestle with. A part of me genuinely fears that I’m deluding myself, just to survive.

“I want that shiny armour too.” I can’t deny it. I envy those with confidence — those who walk into a room and are admired, even desired. I admire people like that “demigod” I once mentioned, who seem to be proud of every part of themselves. I look at them, then look at myself, and I feel so far behind… so out of place.

And yet, when I try to chase that image, something in me hesitates. I’m not just held back by laziness or fear. There are many reasons — real reasons — but most people don’t see them that way. They say I’m giving excuses. They say I’m not trying hard enough. They say I could be more if I just stopped “feeling sorry for myself”. I ask myself: are they right? What if my self-kindness is just a soft lie? I try to tell myself good things: that it’s okay to be different. That my value doesn’t depend on looks or muscles or status. That my quiet efforts still matter. But then I hear this whisper in my mind: “Are you just saying this to escape reality? Are you just sugar-coating your failures?” That thought breaks me. Because if I can’t even trust myself… who else can I trust?

1st Sep 2025 – To kickstart the first day of the month, today’s meeting was cancelled. That gave me a chance to tidy up my things and maybe prepare one of my overdue long posts… But in the end, I chose sleep instead. Too lazy! No wonder I’m fat…

2nd Sep 2025 – Lately, I’ve been feeling fat. I wonder how demigods or slim individuals feel when they’re always dressed in such tight, fitted bodies. What must it be like to feel confident and admired 24/7? Oh well, I shouldn’t overthink. I’ll just stay focused on building my own armour.

3rd Sep 2025 - Recently, someone mentioned to me that certain brands of clothing are only bought—or even “meant”—for the homosexual community. The idea is that if I buy or wear them, people will assume I’m one too. Honestly, I find it funny how people can think this way. Today, I wore a new swimming trunk and new underwear—not because I want others to label me, but simply because I want to look good for myself. I know I’m far from “demigod” quality, but why not wear something that makes me feel better in my own skin? I’ll save my deeper thoughts on this for a longer post next time.

4th Sep 2025 - Happy birthday to G! We managed to surprise her by tricking her into rushing to our little “birthday trap”. On top of that, today was also Teachers’ Day—celebrated with food, songs, and lots of photos. I look round and flat in most of the pictures, but I’m learning not to care too much about that. Sometimes it’s better to just enjoy the moment and the people around me

5th Sep 2025 - Today was a calm working day during the school holiday. I can wear relaxed attire to work, and in addition to white, I love grey as well. I don't know why, but the softness of the colour makes my entire outfit look like pajamas.

5th Sep 2025 – Speaking of getting a new swimming trunk from a certain brand, I ended up buying a bigger size white one because, well… I’ve gotten fatter. But honestly, wearing a bigger trunk feels so much more comfortable. Now I’m wondering if it’s time to sell away some of my old trunks… The only problem is I don’t know how to post it. I don’t exactly have the kind of body that would attract buyers, so maybe I should just keep them?

6th Sep 2025 - Former Lorong Halus Landfill
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6th Sep 2025 - After several attempts to coordinate this JB trip, we have settled on today's date for a straightforward shopping trip and a catch-up session with my colleagues. I have personally decided to budget my expenses and make a list of items I wish to purchase in the future.

7th Sep 2025 - Trisuit Theme #114
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But maybe… the truth isn’t either/or. Maybe I’m not where I wish I could be. Maybe I do fall short. And maybe I’m still allowed to be kind to myself anyway. Not to lie to myself — but to help myself keep going. To believe that even if I’m still a work in progress, I’m not worthless. I may not have shiny armour. But maybe I have a quiet, worn shield — scratched, dented, but still standing. Still protecting something gentle and true inside me. I don’t want to blind myself with lies. But I also don’t want to crush myself with shame. So I’ll keep walking that fine line — between seeing my truth and still choosing to hold my own hand through it all.

Jeff

Personal - Suits for the Theme #114

Hi Blog,

I’ve often noticed how compliments light up certain people — especially those who seem to shine like demigods. Their confidence, their looks, their achievements — everything they do seems to attract admiration. Some even grow stronger with each praise, as if the applause fuels them. And others expect me to respond the same way — to receive compliments with a big smile, to feel proud and encouraged. But to be honest, outward validation feels... tempting yet strangely hollow to me. It brushes against my skin but doesn’t sink deep. It feels like a mask I don’t quite wear.

Do I need shiny armour to prove my worth, or is there something else within me trying to speak?

This thought brings me to the idea of the “shiny armour” versus the “inner light.” The shiny armour is what people can easily see — appearance, charm, success, and humour. The inner light is quieter — it’s values, compassion, purpose, and resilience that others might not notice at first. As an INFJ and someone with a strong Earth influence in my Ba Zi, I tend to seek meaning behind actions, not just results. I’m wired to look deeper — to question, to reflect, to serve — and that sometimes means I’m slow to accept praise that feels surface-level. I don’t reject compliments because I am not comfortable with them. I reject them when they feel disconnected from my core — or when I haven’t yet lived up to the person I want to be.

Hiking - Former Lorang Halus Landfill

Hi Blog,

Today's post is a backdated one, as I went on 31st August 2025. I should space out my posts for different months; hence, this was a long post for August. Anyway, back to the topic.

Great weather! I was going to bring my waifu, but ZN needed my help with his hiking competition, so I went out to explore a bit before meeting up with him and his wife.

As titled, I will explore the former Lorang Halus Landfill. At the end of my previous post, 'Three Forests along Serangoon River', I saw a beautiful and possibly exploration-worthy place, so I decided to do it today.

Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been tangled up in some heavy thoughts about confidence, self-worth, and where I stand in the eyes of society. People often say things like “just be confident”, “ignore the negativity”, or “you’re enough as you are.” These words are kind, but I find myself wondering… does it really work that way? Especially in a world that clearly puts certain people — the good-looking, the successful, and the naturally charismatic — on pedestals. The rest of us? We’re left either trying to catch up or slowly disappearing into the background.

Maybe it’s not about how others rank me but how I choose to respond to the rankings I see. I’ve observed two kinds of people who are completely confident in themselves, but in ways that made me think. One ignores all advice, even if it’s meant to help, and the other shines so brightly in the public eye that they no longer feel the need to reflect on their flaws.

Both seem powerful on the outside, but something inside me wonders if that kind of unchecked self-belief might lead to blindness. I, on the other hand, still take in what people say — good or bad. Sometimes it stings, but I try to use it to understand, not to hate. I don’t want to shut my heart just to look strong. Yet, this openness makes others think I’m weak or stubborn for not discarding the “noise”. It’s confusing… But I now realise confidence doesn’t mean rejecting every voice. It means choosing carefully what to keep and what to let go — and doing it with intention, not pride.

Hiking - Revisit Nee Soon House

Hi Blog,

I awaited ideal conditions and a suitable chance to undertake today's expedition – the Nee Soon house. (not the actual name) In the previous post, I attempted exploration but was thwarted by a sudden rush of diarrhea and was unable to locate the entrance.

Looking good today.

I had a feeling that today could be successful. I attempted to research the house online, but I only found pictures shared on Reddit. Nothing more towards it.