Hi Blog,
Lately, I’ve been tangled up in some heavy thoughts about confidence, self-worth, and where I stand in the eyes of society. People often say things like “just be confident,” “ignore the negativity,” or “you’re enough as you are.” These words are kind, but I find myself wondering… does it really work that way? Especially in a world that clearly puts certain people — the good-looking, the successful, the naturally charismatic — on pedestals. The rest of us? We’re left either trying to catch up or slowly disappearing into the background.
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| Maybe it’s not about how others rank me, but how I choose to respond to the rankings I see. I’ve observed two kinds of people who are completely confident in themselves, but in ways that made me think. One ignores all advice, even if it’s meant to help, and the other shines so brightly in the public eye that they no longer feel the need to reflect on their flaws. |
Both seem powerful on the outside, but something inside me wonders if that kind of unchecked self-belief might lead to blindness. I, on the other hand, still take in what people say — good or bad. Sometimes it stings, but I try to use it to understand, not to hate. I don’t want to shut my heart just to look strong. Yet, this openness makes others think I’m weak or stubborn for not discarding the “noise.” It’s confusing… but I now realise, confidence doesn’t mean rejecting every voice. It means choosing carefully what to keep and what to let go — and doing it with intention, not pride.
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| 1st Aug 2025 - I returned to the doctor today to follow up on my mumps after five days of rest at home. Honestly, I didn’t need to go back for a check-up—I already knew I’d recovered. But I used the chance to quietly return to school, just to help with the iPad setup for the upcoming teaching and learning deployment... and then had a quick swim nearby! I wished I could have stayed longer in the pool, but it was safer to keep it short and leave before anyone noticed I was out during medical leave. What a small world, though—I ended up bumping into someone I know, and he was just casually swimming there for hours. Talk about timing! |
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| 2nd Aug 2025 - Thank goodness I’d recovered from the mumps in time to attend ScapeSG and help out with PFACSG. Even though the event wasn’t exactly aligned with PFACSG’s usual objectives, I still wanted to show up—in my GUTS team costume! I doubt many people recognised the character, but for me, it’s more about expressing what I love… or maybe even who I wish I could be. Sadly, the event felt a little quiet, as most of the cosplay crowd had gathered elsewhere, like AFA. Still, the highlight was getting to meet a well-known cosplayer in person—famous for her stunning Pyramid Head (lady version) costume! She’s often invited on stage, and honestly, her outfit was amazing. I don’t expect that kind of spotlight for someone like me, but it was such a nice surprise when she let me try out one of her props. Big thanks to PFACSG too, for gifting me a custom Lego figure of myself as a captain—it was such a thoughtful token. And bonus—I got to bring home a whole range of Monster Energy drinks I’ve never tried before! |
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| 4th Aug 2025 - Smiles outside, sorting it out inside. Thanks to my department team for the small and simple birthday celebration for me and MZ. Even though I felt a little like an outcast, I still appreciated the gesture. Some feelings linger, but I’ll manage them on my own. Gratitude first, always. |
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| 5th Aug 2025 - I just wanted a quick swim today, but the pool’s been getting more and more crowded lately... It’s getting harder to enjoy peacefully. Unlike some confident “demigods” at the pool, they can snap pictures of themselves without the fear of judgement, I can’t just snap many pictures in front of everyone. I hope this crowd situation fades soon... |
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| 6th Aug 2025 - The swimming pool crowd is really getting out of hand lately. I asked the lifeguard, and apparently, this has been going on for a while. Turns out, the nearby SAFRA swimming pool is under upgrading works from 15 July to 14 September—now it makes sense why everyone's flooding in here! When the pool turns into a water parade... just swim through it. |
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| 9th Aug 2025 - On National Day, EK and I chose to reconnect with my friends from Ipoh. EK was joined by his sister, HQ, and his niece, XR, whom I had not seen in quite some time. It was just a simple stay and great home visits to their families. |
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| 12th Aug 2025 - As I mentioned before, the nearby SAFRA swimming pool is undergoing upgrading works, which has led many swimmers to flock here. Today was no exception — the pool was packed. I felt so turned off that I skipped swimming altogether and went on with my after-work programme instead. Some days, the crowd just makes it hard to enjoy the water. |
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| 13th Aug 2025 - Even though the pool was still crowded, I realised I could still enjoy a short swim. I didn’t take many photos — not like I have a “demigod” physique anyway — but that’s okay. My body may not be perfect, yet swimming still makes me feel lighter and calmer. Sometimes it’s not about looking good in pictures, but feeling good in my own skin, even if just for a while. |
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| 14th Aug 2025 – I planned to go for a jog today but came home late and the weather was gloomy. What weighed on me more, though, was an experience at work. I tried to share my thought process openly with my colleagues, hoping to spark reflection about how we can deal with difficult people in a neutral and non-judgemental way. To test this out, I played the “difficult person” role to see how others might react. It didn’t land the way I intended — instead, some saw me as manipulative or negative. I realised that my honesty and curiosity can sometimes backfire. Still, I don’t regret trying. I believe each attempt, even if misunderstood, teaches me more about myself and how I can grow. |
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| 15th Aug 2025 – Oooo! Today the pool wasn’t too crowded, and there were enough lanes for everyone. Even though “fat me” feels like I take up a lot of space, I just told myself — quick swim, enjoy, and done! |
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| 15th Aug 2025 – Gathered some friends from my circle to watch the popular anime movie Demon Slayer. Since a few of our birthdays (including mine) just passed or are coming soon, I decided to throw a little celebration with the legendary sushi cake. Dinner, catching up, and a movie together — what a wonderful night. Feeling blessed. |
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| 16th Aug 2025 – I had planned to go exploring, but the gloomy weather dampened my spirits. Fortunately, ZN invited me to help with his company’s hiking competition, and BP decided to tag along. We ended up trekking a long distance through Bukit Timah, Rifle Range, and Dairy Farm. In the end, I was grateful for the overcast skies—so much better than hiking under the blazing sun! Along the way, we spotted some incredible animals and captured photos of them. |
I may not have elite genes or a shining presence, but I’m learning to embrace this grounded version of myself, not by being loud, but by staying true to myself. Maybe confidence isn’t about becoming untouchable — maybe it’s about remaining teachable, without losing yourself. This August, I choose to walk this middle path — where growth and gentleness meet. More to come.
Jeff
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