Hi Blog,
Lately, I’ve been observing my thoughts and reactions, almost like watching waves hitting the shore. There are patterns — familiar emotions, recurring doubts, and the same kind of thoughts that like to visit when I feel small. They come quietly, repeating the same story: that I’m not enough, that others are better, that I’m invisible. It’s strange how these patterns can feel like truth when they’re just echoes of old wounds.
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| But realising something important — a pattern doesn’t have to be permanent. Just because it has been repeated doesn’t mean it can’t be rewritten. Awareness itself is the first act of change. Each time I catch myself sinking into those old feelings, I can choose to pause, breathe, and rewrite the script: “Maybe this time, I don’t have to believe that voice.” |
I used to think change meant erasing the past. Now, I see it’s about understanding it — tracing where the patterns began, learning why they exist, and gently guiding myself toward a new response. It’s not about fighting the old, but teaching myself new ways to feel and think.
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| 1st Dec 2025 - I was glad to have lunch with C and G during the school holiday. Having a meal with colleagues is always on my wish list, as it shows they’ve welcomed me into their comfort zone beyond just work. |
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| 2nd Dec 2025 - I was supposed to meet T for a swim, but he couldn’t make it. It didn’t bother me, since I wanted to swim anyway after all the rainy days. What made today’s swim special was that the rain stopped right after I finished work. I expected the pool to be empty, but instead, there were some demigod-like youngsters lounging around, showing off their impressive physiques without swimming, just chatting and touching each other’s muscles. I felt a bit lousy... but I focused on my swim. |
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| 3rd Dec 2025 - Today’s swim was a spontaneous decision, as I was meeting a seller nearby to pick up a plant. It was just a quick dip, and right after I got out of the pool, the rain signal went off. I was lucky. |
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| 5th Dec 2025 - Long day... Helping my sister with her banner and promotion, amending prices, and syncing to display screens... Not just once, but whenever I suddenly notice minor mistakes or a price adjustment, I have to redo it again... Honestly, I don't mind helping, but constantly repeating the steps and waiting weren't effective. However, compared to her challenges, mine are inferior. She faces system issues, lags, and errors. I hope that can be resolved sooner... |
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| 6th Dec 2025 - I had planned to cosplay as Captain America or my New Meme character, but ran into a snag—nowhere to store my luggage. So I opted for my Marvel Quantum Suit instead, which made traveling much easier. The taxi fare was steep, so I took public transport home in full costume. Since my helmet wasn’t ready to wear, I carried it around. With my not-so-great face, I mostly went unnoticed, though three visitors recognized my outfit, including friends and former students who greeted me warmly and took photos with my cosplayer friends. Unfortunately, I had no one to help me capture moments with other amazing cosplayers. It was a short trip to Comic Con, and I’m hoping for a better cosplay experience next time. Now, looking at my costume… it won’t last much longer. |
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| 8th Dec 2025 - I have been visiting my sister's stall at Mercure ICON for several days. Today was my only Work From Home day, but I still stopped by to observe the business and assist her in creating an Excel file for her financial calculations, stall design promotion, and pricing adjustments. I'm happy that my knowledge was helpful, but I will definitely feel sore if someone takes advantage of me. I believe that supporting my sister with a strong foundation to start her business is the best help I can offer as her brother — a kind of support that money can't buy. |
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| 9th Dec 2025 - Not sure if it's because I've grown older, uglier, or less imaginative... Wearing my favourite white top has become an issue... I feel like an eyesore of the max.. But I know people will encourage me to wear what I like, and I hope I can find my guts and confidence again... |
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| 12th Dec 2025 - Wow, what a long single post! I wanted to keep it short, but there were too many great pictures to share. Today's cosplay event helping out was a special one. It was hosted by Keng Geng Kee seafood restaurant, for organising Marvel Makan Masterworks at Punggol SAFRA, where we could meet C.B. Cebulski, Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief, and Elvin Ching, Marvel Comic Artist. Since they were here, I shamelessly went up to them to get their autograph on my shield. Now my shield has value! What was also great was meeting a friendly photographer, elyruaf_photography, who helped us capture many precious moments. If I cosplayed alone or even with a group, I doubt I’d have so many photos, so I’ll always keep his credit on the pictures he took. Another thing worth mentioning is that Keng Geng Kee Seafood Restaurant must have some serious connections to host such a big guest—just look at the poster! A small fry like me, not even Captain America… I’m just Captain Am-ulgr-ica (I’m ugly), with no great connections. |
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| 13th Dec 2025 (part 1) - I was supposed to go to the Planter Market the next day, but somehow I felt compelled to drop by the event and take a good look before my next appointment. That’s when my wallet started to suffer! I ended up buying so many plants: a grow light ($70+), a miniature Japanese palm Shippodenshiroshima 七宝殿白縞 ($50), a carnivorous plant package—Pinguicula, Drosera, Nepenthes, Dionaea (around $90), ZZ plant Akebono golden and the rare pink variety ($120+), a stunning Platycerium ‘Golden Boy’ ($90), and the adorable Davallia parvula (Miniature Rabbit’s Foot Fern) ($50). In total, I spent $500! I know I’ve said before that I quit collecting plants, so why am I still buying more? I reflected... I stopped collecting to avoid doing it mindlessly and to focus on caring for the ones I already have. Now I’m just being selective about what becomes part of my collection, and most of these will share pots or are just trials. Or maybe... I just wanted to give myself a Christmas gift that no one else could give me. |
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| 13th Dec 2025 (part 2) - That same day, we gathered at WJ and SH's place for a casual game night with the youths and teens. Their home turned into a mini gaming hub, and we had a great time, though my mind wandered a bit. Big thanks to WJ and SH for hosting—here’s to more in the future! |
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| 14th Dec 2025 - I realized why my mind was wandering during the gathering last night—it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about one plant, the Nepenthes edwardsiana. This has been my dream carnivorous plant since I started gardening over 20 years ago. It’s a highly threatened and protected species, often targeted by illegal trade, and even today it remains an expensive treasure to own. Being a highland plant, it needs the perfect growing conditions—warm climates like Singapore would kill it. Now that I have the right environment and found a good price, I decided to finally get it, along with another stunning and costly Nepenthes, Veitchii 'Orange' x 'Prince'. Walking out of the Planter Market, I felt an incredible sense of completion, as if my plant-collecting journey was over—mission accomplished! Maybe I overspent, but I truly thought it through, and this feels like the best Christmas present ever. |
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| 15th Dec 2025 - I decided to work on mounting my Platycerium Goldenboy on a mounting board, and I was determined to give it my best! I am pleased with how it turns out. :) What do you think? |
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| 17th Dec 2025 (part 1) - Oh man, my goggles broke before I even swam! Guess it's time to find my old ones, but I have no idea where they are. Swimming without them isn't too bad, but I accidentally swam into another lane a few times because I was closing my eyes. |
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| 17th Dec 2025 (part 2) - Once a year, I meet up with my childhood friends, and this time I brought them to my sister's workplace. My sister hadn't seen them in over 20 years! It was funny that the conversation during the gathering revolved around health, kids, housing, and jobs. Sometimes, I wish they could talk more about spiritual cultivation or something. All of them, except for me, don't have anything to contribute besides me asking them questions to understand their challenges. Oh well, I am who I am. I can see that they are quite worn out, especially since they are three to four years younger than me. |
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| 18th Dec 2025 - Thanks to Uncle E for lending me a spare pair of goggles. I figured before traveling to Taiwan, I’d go for a quick swim. Honestly, I’ve been feeling fat, but I’m not bothered anymore... Yes, I am fat. |
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| 19th Dec 2025 - In October, we had the pleasure of hosting our friends from Taiwan in Singapore, and this time we returned to Taiwan with a larger group to conduct a two-day class for the teenagers. I was pleased that they remembered my name, but I regret that I cannot recall their names, only their faces. |
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| 22nd Dec 2025 - Finally completed! Today was a great time to bond with one another as a larger group of friends. It is always rare or difficult to have a large group of friends travelling together, knowing how to take care of one another, adjust and adapt to one another, and relax. Today, we were on our way to Mount Alishan (midway) to see the sunset, but sadly, the sky had other plans. However, one thing was special: there was a big opening through the thick dark cloud, giving us hope and affirmation. |
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| 23rd Dec 2025 - Today, we went to a Taiwan University campus for a three-generation sports day. I actually thought it would be cold, but it turned out to be hot and sunny. Still, it was better than Singapore since the beautiful mountain views made everything feel awesome. After the sports day, we checked out the National Taichung Theater, which was a really cool spot to blog about, but I didn’t take many pictures there. We wrapped up the day at a night market, which was the only shopping we did the whole trip. I ended up grabbing some stinky tofu and bubble tea for myself. |
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| 24th Dec 2025 (part 1) - On Christmas Eve, our Taiwanese friends decorated their farming space to host a Christmas celebration with us. They pitched a large tent, laid green grass, and set up a Christmas tree adorned with lights and gifts. During the day, we prepared to build an earth oven, a traditional Taiwanese cooking method. We used earth clay instead of rocks or stones, stacking it into a pyramid-shaped tower. After letting it bake for several hours, we wrapped our food in aluminium foil and wet newspapers. The food turned out tasty and natural! It was a wonderful way to experience Christmas Eve. |
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| 24th Dec 2025 (part 2) - While my friends were off doing their own activities, while we waited for the Earth Oven to bake, I met a couple who are distributors of some really cool Platycerium breeds! He took me on a tour of his growing space, and I was seriously wishing I had room like that for my Nepenthes and other carnivorous plants. He showed me one of his creations, 'Totoro,' and even gifted me a popular Platycerium, which his girlfriend had named 'Jenny.' It felt pretty awesome to connect with new friends who share the same interests, especially since it’s hard to find that vibe in Singapore, where most people are just looking out for themselves. |
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| 25th Dec 2025 (part 1) - On our last day in Taiwan, we checked out Mountain Bagua, where there's one of the biggest Buddha statues in the country. There's a skywalk where you can get a good look at Taichung, but everyone was quite tired and just kind of browsing around. Some of the teens hadn’t slept since last night, which is classic teenager behaviour—so full of energy! |
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| 25th Dec 2025 (part 2) - I booked my flight later than everyone else, so I had to take a different flight back to Singapore alone. This was my first time using the High Speed Rail from Taichung to the airport, checking in, and travelling back to Singapore by myself. Today, the weather was cold and rainy, unlike the previous days. It was chilly and windy, so I wore my Selk'bag on the train. Many people stared at me out of curiosity, but I didn't mind. On the plane, I chose a seat at the back. It is my favourite spot because it has only two seats. Most people travel in groups, so if the flight isn’t fully booked, no one usually sits next to me. This way, I can keep the extra seat to myself! As I made my way home, I felt empty but grateful for all the experiences I had. It was time to return to reality. |
Every time I choose kindness over self-blame, patience over pressure, I am rewriting my story — slowly, quietly, but meaningfully. These new words may not shout as loudly as the old ones yet, but they’re mine. And that, in itself, is progress.
Jeff
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