Hi Blog,
Lately, I’ve been observing my thoughts and reactions, almost like watching waves hitting the shore. There are patterns — familiar emotions, recurring doubts, and the same kind of thoughts that like to visit when I feel small. They come quietly, repeating the same story: that I’m not enough, that others are better, that I’m invisible. It’s strange how these patterns can feel like truth when they’re just echoes of old wounds.
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| But realising something important — a pattern doesn’t have to be permanent. Just because it has been repeated doesn’t mean it can’t be rewritten. Awareness itself is the first act of change. Each time I catch myself sinking into those old feelings, I can choose to pause, breathe, and rewrite the script: “Maybe this time, I don’t have to believe that voice.” |
I used to think change meant erasing the past. Now, I see it’s about understanding it — tracing where the patterns began, learning why they exist, and gently guiding myself toward a new response. It’s not about fighting the old, but teaching myself new ways to feel and think.
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| 1st Dec 2025 - I was glad to have lunch with C and G during the school holiday. Having a meal with colleagues is always on my wish list, as it shows they’ve welcomed me into their comfort zone beyond just work. |
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| 2nd Dec 2025 - I was supposed to meet T for a swim, but he couldn’t make it. It didn’t bother me, since I wanted to swim anyway after all the rainy days. What made today’s swim special was that the rain stopped right after I finished work. I expected the pool to be empty, but instead, there were some demigod-like youngsters lounging around, showing off their impressive physiques without swimming, just chatting and touching each other’s muscles. I felt a bit lousy... but I focused on my swim. |
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| 3rd Dec 2025 - Today’s swim was a spontaneous decision, as I was meeting a seller nearby to pick up a plant. It was just a quick dip, and right after I got out of the pool, the rain signal went off. I was lucky. |
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| 5th Dec 2025 - Long day... Helping my sister with her banner and promotion, amending prices, and syncing to display screens... Not just once, but whenever I suddenly notice minor mistakes or a price adjustment, I have to redo it again... Honestly, I don't mind helping, but constantly repeating the steps and waiting weren't effective. However, compared to her challenges, mine are inferior. She faces system issues, lags, and errors. I hope that can be resolved sooner... |
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| 6th Dec 2025 - I had planned to cosplay as Captain America or my New Meme character, but ran into a snag—nowhere to store my luggage. So I opted for my Marvel Quantum Suit instead, which made traveling much easier. The taxi fare was steep, so I took public transport home in full costume. Since my helmet wasn’t ready to wear, I carried it around. With my not-so-great face, I mostly went unnoticed, though three visitors recognized my outfit, including friends and former students who greeted me warmly and took photos with my cosplayer friends. Unfortunately, I had no one to help me capture moments with other amazing cosplayers. It was a short trip to Comic Con, and I’m hoping for a better cosplay experience next time. Now, looking at my costume… it won’t last much longer. |
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| 8th Dec 2025 - I have been visiting my sister's stall at Mercure ICON for several days. Today was my only Work From Home day, but I still stopped by to observe the business and assist her in creating an Excel file for her financial calculations, stall design promotion, and pricing adjustments. I'm happy that my knowledge was helpful, but I will definitely feel sore if someone takes advantage of me. I believe that supporting my sister with a strong foundation to start her business is the best help I can offer as her brother — a kind of support that money can't buy. |
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| 9th Dec 2025 - Not sure if it's because I've grown older, uglier, or less imaginative... Wearing my favourite white top has become an issue... I feel like an eyesore of the max.. But I know people will encourage me to wear what I like, and I hope I can find my guts and confidence again... |
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| 12th Dec 2025 - Wow, what a long single post! I wanted to keep it short, but there were too many great pictures to share. Today's cosplay event helping out was a special one. It was hosted by Keng Geng Kee seafood restaurant, for organising Marvel Makan Masterworks at Punggol SAFRA, where we could meet C.B. Cebulski, Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief, and Elvin Ching, Marvel Comic Artist. Since they were here, I shamelessly went up to them to get their autograph on my shield. Now my shield has value! What was also great was meeting a friendly photographer, elyruaf_photography, who helped us capture many precious moments. If I cosplayed alone or even with a group, I doubt I’d have so many photos, so I’ll always keep his credit on the pictures he took. Another thing worth mentioning is that Keng Geng Kee Seafood Restaurant must have some serious connections to host such a big guest—just look at the poster! A small fry like me, not even Captain America… I’m just Captain Am-ulgr-ica (I’m ugly), with no great connections. |
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| 13th Dec 2025 (part 1) - I was supposed to go to the Planter Market the next day, but somehow I felt compelled to drop by the event and take a good look before my next appointment. That’s when my wallet started to suffer! I ended up buying so many plants: a grow light ($70+), a miniature Japanese palm Shippodenshiroshima 七宝殿白縞 ($50), a carnivorous plant package—Pinguicula, Drosera, Nepenthes, Dionaea (around $90), ZZ plant Akebono golden and the rare pink variety ($120+), a stunning Platycerium ‘Golden Boy’ ($90), and the adorable Davallia parvula (Miniature Rabbit’s Foot Fern) ($50). In total, I spent $500! I know I’ve said before that I quit collecting plants, so why am I still buying more? I reflected... I stopped collecting to avoid doing it mindlessly and to focus on caring for the ones I already have. Now I’m just being selective about what becomes part of my collection, and most of these will share pots or are just trials. Or maybe... I just wanted to give myself a Christmas gift that no one else could give me. |
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| 13th Dec 2025 (part 2) - That same day, we gathered at WJ and SH's place for a casual game night with the youths and teens. Their home turned into a mini gaming hub, and we had a great time, though my mind wandered a bit. Big thanks to WJ and SH for hosting—here’s to more in the future! |
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| 14th Dec 2025 - I realized why my mind was wandering during the gathering last night—it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about one plant, the Nepenthes edwardsiana. This has been my dream carnivorous plant since I started gardening over 20 years ago. It’s a highly threatened and protected species, often targeted by illegal trade, and even today it remains an expensive treasure to own. Being a highland plant, it needs the perfect growing conditions—warm climates like Singapore would kill it. Now that I have the right environment and found a good price, I decided to finally get it, along with another stunning and costly Nepenthes, Veitchii 'Orange' x 'Prince'. Walking out of the Planter Market, I felt an incredible sense of completion, as if my plant-collecting journey was over—mission accomplished! Maybe I overspent, but I truly thought it through, and this feels like the best Christmas present ever. |
Every time I choose kindness over self-blame, patience over pressure, I am rewriting my story — slowly, quietly, but meaningfully. These new words may not shout as loudly as the old ones yet, but they’re mine. And that, in itself, is progress.
Jeff
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