Blog - August Overview

Hi Blog,

Lately, I’ve been tangled up in some heavy thoughts about confidence, self-worth, and where I stand in the eyes of society. People often say things like “just be confident,” “ignore the negativity,” or “you’re enough as you are.” These words are kind, but I find myself wondering… does it really work that way? Especially in a world that clearly puts certain people — the good-looking, the successful, the naturally charismatic — on pedestals. The rest of us? We’re left either trying to catch up or slowly disappearing into the background.

Maybe it’s not about how others rank me, but how I choose to respond to the rankings I see. I’ve observed two kinds of people who are completely confident in themselves, but in ways that made me think. One ignores all advice, even if it’s meant to help, and the other shines so brightly in the public eye that they no longer feel the need to reflect on their flaws.

Both seem powerful on the outside, but something inside me wonders if that kind of unchecked self-belief might lead to blindness. I, on the other hand, still take in what people say — good or bad. Sometimes it stings, but I try to use it to understand, not to hate. I don’t want to shut my heart just to look strong. Yet, this openness makes others think I’m weak or stubborn for not discarding the “noise.” It’s confusing… but I now realise, confidence doesn’t mean rejecting every voice. It means choosing carefully what to keep and what to let go — and doing it with intention, not pride.

1st Aug 2025 - I returned to the doctor today to follow up on my mumps after five days of rest at home. Honestly, I didn’t need to go back for a check-up—I already knew I’d recovered. But I used the chance to quietly return to school, just to help with the iPad setup for the upcoming teaching and learning deployment... and then had a quick swim nearby! I wished I could have stayed longer in the pool, but it was safer to keep it short and leave before anyone noticed I was out during medical leave. What a small world, though—I ended up bumping into someone I know, and he was just casually swimming there for hours. Talk about timing!

2nd Aug 2025 - Thank goodness I’d recovered from the mumps in time to attend ScapeSG and help out with PFACSG. Even though the event wasn’t exactly aligned with PFACSG’s usual objectives, I still wanted to show up—in my GUTS team costume! I doubt many people recognised the character, but for me, it’s more about expressing what I love… or maybe even who I wish I could be. Sadly, the event felt a little quiet, as most of the cosplay crowd had gathered elsewhere, like AFA. Still, the highlight was getting to meet a well-known cosplayer in person—famous for her stunning Pyramid Head (lady version) costume! She’s often invited on stage, and honestly, her outfit was amazing. I don’t expect that kind of spotlight for someone like me, but it was such a nice surprise when she let me try out one of her props. Big thanks to PFACSG too, for gifting me a custom Lego figure of myself as a captain—it was such a thoughtful token. And bonus—I got to bring home a whole range of Monster Energy drinks I’ve never tried before!

3rd Aug 2025 - Trisuit Theme #113
(Click here to read more)

4th Aug 2025 - Smiles outside, sorting it out inside. Thanks to my department team for the small and simple birthday celebration for me and MZ. Even though I felt a little like an outcast, I still appreciated the gesture. Some feelings linger, but I’ll manage them on my own. Gratitude first, always.

5th Aug 2025 - I just wanted a quick swim today, but the pool’s been getting more and more crowded lately... It’s getting harder to enjoy peacefully. Unlike some confident “demigods” at the pool, they can snap pictures of themselves without the fear of judgement, I can’t just snap many pictures in front of everyone. I hope this crowd situation fades soon...

6th Aug 2025 - The swimming pool crowd is really getting out of hand lately. I asked the lifeguard, and apparently, this has been going on for a while. Turns out, the nearby SAFRA swimming pool is under upgrading works from 15 July to 14 September—now it makes sense why everyone's flooding in here! When the pool turns into a water parade... just swim through it.

I may not have elite genes or a shining presence, but I’m learning to embrace this grounded version of myself, not by being loud, but by staying true to myself. Maybe confidence isn’t about becoming untouchable — maybe it’s about remaining teachable, without losing yourself. This August, I choose to walk this middle path — where growth and gentleness meet. More to come.

Jeff

Personal - Suits for the Theme #113

Hi Blog,

There are moments when people give me compliments, but instead of feeling proud, I often feel uncomfortable or even undeserving. It’s always nice to receive compliments, or so people say. Friends sometimes tell me, “Jeff, you look good,” or “You’ve done well — be proud of yourself!” But for some reason, I find myself brushing off those words. Not because I’m trying to be modest, but because deep down, I don’t feel like I deserve them. A part of me wonders whether they’re just being polite, or if they see something I don’t. It’s not that I reject their kindness — in fact, I appreciate it — but somewhere deep inside, I struggle to let their words settle and truly believe them.

"I hear what you say, but my heart is still learning to receive it. I want to believe I’m worthy, but I don’t always feel it. Compliments touch me, but they don’t always reach me." (just some inner monologues) Maybe it’s not that I dislike compliments… maybe it’s just that I long for them to be real, grounded, and gentle — not loud, not forced, and not empty.

As an INFJ, I naturally crave authenticity and depth. I notice intentions more than words, and I value sincerity far more than style. On top of that, my Ba Zi chart shows a strong Earth element and very little Wood — which reflects a personality that is stable, grounded, supportive, but not one that easily absorbs praise or puts itself in the spotlight. I’ve grown cautious around compliments, especially when they feel generic or overly cheerful. Over time, I’ve learned that constant deflection of praise also comes at a cost: I start focusing only on my flaws, training my brain to ignore the good. I don’t want fake affirmation, but maybe I also need to learn how to accept sincere appreciation — in a way that still honours who I am. I don't need grand statements like "You're amazing!" — instead, I feel most affirmed by a quiet nod, a gentle smile, or someone saying, “Hey Jeff, what you did matters — it’s not flashy, but it’s meaningful.” That kind of praise feels real to me — because it recognises effort in a world that often only celebrates results.